Betrayed?

[Leon]

It's been a while my friends. A strange turn of events has brought me back here once more. There's a lady I've known for several years. I thought I knew her well. Once again human nature reminds me not to assume I really know anyone.

Due to some events this morning, I parked in an unusual place. Due to events this afternoon I left work late. The two together caused me to leave the building through a seldom-used exit and take a different route to my truck. Care to guess what I saw?...a familiar face in a familiar vehicle getting familiar with an unfamiliar man. I walked on by. I don't even know if I was seen, felt sick.

As of today fidelity became only a non-existent concept. Of course it's none of my business. My mouth will stay shut; that's a pot I'm not going to stir.

I'm just not sure what to think about it. I feel a little betrayed along with her husband...or maybe as if I've lost someone; at least the person I knew no longer exists, she's different, I never knew her; less a friend for now, more an aquantance. Everyone screws up I guess, myself included. I won't dislike her but things will be different I'm sure.

I'm a little pissed too. It means a longer wait until I'll let someone in my life, and longer still before I'll believe in them. Oh well, I wasn't in a hurry anyway...more time for me.

Thoughts, y'all?

[upisgr8]

I feel a little betrayed along with her husband...

Huh ? she's married?

[Leon]

yep, I'm friends with them both or maybe I was? There are no good options here for me.

I'm beginning to think now now before people marry, they consider whether they could accept the other's cheating. Maybe it's unrealistic to "actually" believe someone would go the entire rest of their life without doing so at some time. I don't think everyone cheats throughout their marriages. But most do at some point at least once. It might be wize to be prepared for a spouse to have at least one "fling".

And I'm not saying anyone must be accepting of it. I am saying it would be foolish not to be prepared for it...it seems so common. Have an idea how you'll respond, a reasonable response.

[bandnerd]

So by seeing these two together you automatically assume they are sleeping together? Maybe he just needed a ride home, or to the car shop or something. Maybe you're being a little too cynical?

I don't believe that "most" people cheat. I have known a lot married people that have never had this fling you think we are all going to have.

It seems common because the media plays it up with hollywood and shows like Maury and Dr. Phil. These people are not the norm.

[Faith]

I agree with Leon that most people do cheat. Even if you think that a married couple hasn't cheated.. unless you know them extremely well I'm sure one of them has. Of course, there are a few that are an exception but majority do cheat. I don't understand how people can do this to each other. It sickens me as well.

I have a friend like this and it is hard for me to completely trust this person because I know how untruthful they are in several area's to their spouse.

[Karried]

getting familiar with an unfamiliar man

What's your definition of getting familiar? If they were just talking or going to lunch, no big deal but if they were doing the lip lock or more .. uh oh.

Maybe they have an open relationship and are swingers? It's hard to know.. it would make me sick too to think she is sneaking around.

I hold the belief that if the relationship was being nurtured and needs being met at home, maybe she wouldn't stray, but no one really knows the motivations or heart of another.

[Leon]

So by seeing these two together you automatically assume they are sleeping together? Maybe he just needed a ride home, or to the car shop or something. Maybe you're being a little too cynical?

You're right. I'll assume it's a ride home. And I won't think there's more until I see them naked together, only then could I know for sure.

That's good enough for me.

Where can I get a lift? I'll take a ride anywhere.


Next thread!!?!?!?!

[bandnerd]

Judge not, lest ye be judged. You can't assume you know the whole story just because you saw them getting into a car together. Over the years, I could have been seen getting into all kinds of people's cars for rides to my parking space, the car shop, what have you, and people could have thought I was cheating on future mr. bandnerd but they'd be very, very wrong!

[dirtrider73068]

My view let it be, if she is so really cheating on her other half than as it says, karma, she will get what she deserves. I hate cheaters, don't like them, once a cheat always a cheat. I hope all cheaters get what they deserve. Oh yea I was cheated on to btw. Lets just hope for her sake an dher other halfs she was just getting a ride home or somewhere and that was it.

[Ms.Relaxationstation]

Had the same thing happen to me......Hate men who cheat, lie, and abuse trust. Hey, if someone wants to play around....get outta the relationship first. Wouldn't it be more fun to take that person home to a bed instead of sneaking around in a car or something. Anyway, that's the way I would think about it.

Of course, I'm newly single again so I'm speaking out of pure bitterness.

I guess now it would be hard to convince someone I would make a great date..

[Leon]

I guess now it would be hard to convince someone I would make a great date..

Depends on who you're trying to convince.

--------------------

Anyway, y'all. I won't put details here, but there was more going on than 'getting into a car" or talking or lunch.

Bandnerd, just for discussion, how would you know they never had that fling?....Both of them?

[OklaCity_75]

I find it hard to believe that everyone cheats. If that were the case no one would ever marry. We would all just take turns dating each other and having tons of meaningless sex with every member of the opposite sex we thought was attractive.

I do think you run a greater chance of cheating or being cheated on if you marry to early in life. A person needs at least a few years out of the nest playing around and acting crazy.

In my opinion, men cheat for ego reasons that tie in to their immaturity. Women cheat because they are missing something in the relationship or there is an underlying psychological problem.

I do think most people deep down want something that will last forever. However, most cheaters normally sacrifice the relationship with their perfect mate think the grass will be greener with the new fling. Then they end up staying in a crappy relationship when its all said and done. Just so, they will not be alone.

I love Sara Evans new song on cheating because it sums up my theory of cheating.

Cheating can be fun but, wait until karma comes knocking then you realize cheating just was not worth it. In the end it cost you everything.

You say your every day,
Is a bad dream that keeps repeatin',
Maybe you should have thought about that...when you were cheating

How do you like that furnished room
The bed, the chair, the table?
The tv picture comes and goes,
Too bad you don't have cable.
How do you like that paper plate?
And those pork and beans your eatin'
Maybe you should have thought about that...when you were cheating

How do you like that beat up car?
I think it's fair we traded
Your pickup truck is running fine
It's a cozy ride for datin'
Yes I've been out a time or two
And found the comfort I've been needin'
Maybe you should have thought about that...when you were cheating

You made your bed and you're out of mine,
You lie awake and I sleep just fine,
You've done your sowing, now you can do the reapin'
Maybe you should have thought about that...when you were cheating

Now what became of what's-her-name
After she spent all your money?
Did she leave you just like you left me?
Well sometimes life is funny
Yes I'll be glad to take you back
Just as soon as I stop breathing
Maybe you should have thought about that...
Ohhhh maybe you should have thought about that...
Maybe you should have thought about that...when you were cheating
When you were cheating

[Leon]

I do think you run a greater chance of cheating or being cheated on if you marry to early in life. A person needs at least a few years out of the nest playing around and acting crazy.

Amen, brother!!!!

[soonerock]

Ms. Relaxationstation...I think you were a great date, honey...

[redredwine]

I am guessing this someone you know personally from maybe at work, or you know the hubby and this person like as in you hang out together on a regular basis? Well every story has 2 sides, maybe you should tell her you saw her, then get the story, then maybe it will ease your mind. What do you mean now you will not get involved? because of someone elses infidelity?

[redredwine]

karried,I agree with you in that if the relationship is not being nurtured at home and the needs are not being met, it will be met somewhere else......speaking from experience.

[fsusurfer]

I find it hard to believe that everyone cheats. If that were the case no one would ever marry. We would all just take turns dating each other and having tons of meaningless sex with every member of the opposite sex we thought was attractive.

Hey thats my philosophy!

[redredwine]

Hey thats my philosophy!

LMAO! now...now............

[okcnative]

Don't take it so hard. Appearances are NOT fact.

Maybe they are friends and talking. Although it would be great to always be beyond reproach, that's not always possible. I have had to meet with male friends, and my love has had to meet with female friends for business or for friendship.

The fact is, when you find the right partner, you'll know. In fact, after being cheated on by two husbands (I was young AND stupid,) I waited for 8 years until I found a man I believed in. And now I don't want to get married. I LIKE the idea that he's here by choice and I'm here by choice. We don't have the fear of a nasty divorce. Either one of us can leave if it isn't right. And we've been together for over five years.

I am friends with his ex-wife and her new husband, as is he. He is friends with my ex-husband in OKC. I am friends with his ex-girlfriend from college and her husband. Life's too short to worry about it. Fact is, there we all have a life from the past. We married or dated people for a reason.

My attitude, and his, is that if we need to "cheat," we will leave. We are here by choice. We've honored and loved one another. Both of us have had interested parties, but it's just not worth it once you find the right person. It may come close, but it's not.

I'm sorry this hurt you. We have all been hurt in one way or the other. But the fact is, when you find the right person, YOU KNOW! Things are taken care of at home. You have not only the love of your life, but the friend of your life. You accept the other without constantly wanting to change him or her. And you agree to disagree at times.

When you find the right person, trust builds both ways, and you both work to build it. No secrets. No lunches or rides home the other one doesn't know about. If you find the right person, and both of you know it, you will WORK to establish honesty and trust. It's not always what you may want to hear, but it's honest.

As far as your co-worker, who knows what the true story was? And why should it matter to you? It's NOT your life...unless you are involved with both people in the marriage (like being a friend of her husband.) If we go by "impressions" or "gossip" or "assuming ideas," we would never trust anyone.

Just watch for the one who strikes you as different. See if she is. Trust only the relationship you find and don't base it on others we are constantly bombarded with on TV or in the world around us.

To put it simply: When you least expect, LOVE HAPPENS!

[Curt]

It has been proven that more women now cheat then men...I have never cheated on anyone I have had feelings for and never will...but have been cheated on myself...so I understand Leon when you say something like it may take you awhile before you have the trust to get back into it again...the more it happens to you the harder it is to let your feelings show for anyone...if I ever find someone who is willing to love me and be with me the last thing I am going to do is take a chance to screw that up

[Leon]

It has been proven that more women now cheat then men...I have never cheated on anyone I have had feelings for and never will...but have been cheated on myself...so I understand Leon when you say something like it may take you awhile before you have the trust to get back into it again...the more it happens to you the harder it is to let your feelings show for anyone...if I ever find someone who is willing to love me and be with me the last thing I am going to do is take a chance to screw that up

Hey Curt, seems like it's been a while.

I agree...having in my mind an idea of what love is and the nurturing relationship that comes with it, I'd never risk losing it.

[Curt]

Hey Curt, seems like it's been a while.

I agree...having in my mind an idea of what love is and the nurturing relationship that comes with it, I'd never risk losing it.

Hey Leon...yah it,s been awhile I guess since we have chatted...and I was just in town again for 7 days...should have called ya and hooked up at Toby,s.

[StephiOKC]

It has been proven that more women now cheat then men...I have never cheated on anyone I have had feelings for and never will...but have been cheated on myself...so I understand Leon when you say something like it may take you awhile before you have the trust to get back into it again...the more it happens to you the harder it is to let your feelings show for anyone...if I ever find someone who is willing to love me and be with me the last thing I am going to do is take a chance to screw that up

Interesting quote here...."I have never cheated on anyone I have had feelings for....I have one question...the ones you cheated on deserved that because you did not have feelings for them? Sorry that mentality is why people are getting hurt everyday. Everyone has feelings.

[Tracy]

If you didn't have feelings for those people, you should have just broke up with them... there was no need to degrade their existence by cheating on them. At the very least, you could have released them to the universe and allowed them to find someone who DID have feelings for them.

[Curt]

Interesting quote here...."I have never cheated on anyone I have had feelings for....I have one question...the ones you cheated on deserved that because you did not have feelings for them? Sorry that mentality is why people are getting hurt everyday. Everyone has feelings.

Well you read that all wrong I am happy to say...unlike most women I know I have never slept with or done anything with a woman I have not had feelings for...every woman I have been with cheated on me as most women do..