Bill Gates Roast

**okcpulse** · 11-14-2005, 01:22 AM

This thread is for any jokes or any opinions anyone has about Bill Gates. No pun intended, Bill. You have been both a successful computing genius with failures attached.

I mean, let's face it. Everyone uses Windows in some variation. Even me. I use Windows XP Professional (legal). Well, almost everyone.

Nine out of ten of us use Windows as our operating system. Then there are those with deep pockets that buy Apple Computers with the very stable and highly reliable Mac OS X, an operating system built on UNIX. Then there are those that can't stand the idea that you have to buy a computer to get Mac OS X, but don't like Windows either, so they go with Linux, also based on UNIX. Ahh, there is your fear. Linux runs on a PC. There is something to worry about.

After all, you remain comforted that your Windows society somehow believes Apple computers are dinosaurs, Linux is for hardcore geeks, yet Apple and Linux users are enjoying all the pop-up, spyware and virus-free computing they can handle.

You laugh at the belief that Linux is a welfare recipient of Linspire, Novell and Sun Microsystems. You caution HP's recent support and endorsement of Linux. You're worried that the Indiana state public schools system chose Linspire as their official public education operating system. Just don't tick off Adobe. They have plenty of resources.

So, really, Bill. What do you do with the BILLIONS of DOLLARS your company, Microsoft, rakes in? I mean, five years for a new OS release? Mac OS has been upgraded several times since 2001. Linux distributions have made SERIOUS headway, since 2001. Be sure and check back every March and October. That's when new versions of Novell SUSE Linux is released.

In the meantime, Windows users are getting their butts kicked. We are taking a beating. Don't take advantage of the fact I don't have the money right now to buy an Apple, something you seem comfortable with.

But I'll be nice. I love the XBOX. I'll buy the 360. For some reason, I can't stomach Playstation. Don't know why either. Just can't. So you have me there.

Your track record is one to note. You're worth the total annual personal income of an entire urban county, the feds slapped a monopoly suit on your desk for which you had to pay the bill, and for all practical purposes, we've yet to see the Vista. You'll see my next chunk of dough in twelve months. Better make it worth it. After all, I am taking all the Windows classes, and I will be catering to the Windows world. Don't doubt for a second I'll keep Linux close by... just in case.

By the way, I wrote this post in SUSE Linux 10. Gosh, where are those pop-ups?

**okcpulse** · 11-23-2005, 10:30 AM

Wow, there are a lot more Bill Gates fans than I thought.

MadMonk · 11-23-2005, 10:40 AM

Not a huge fan of Bill G. but, trashing him (and Windows) seems kinda pointless. I've used Windows, Macs, a little Linux and Unix and all have their advantages and disadvantages. I guess I'm not much of a cheerleader of any particular camp. Its interesting that Apple will be using Intel procs in their machines. Maybe it will make the Mac more affordable and accessible.

Todd · 11-23-2005, 10:47 AM

MS Technical Support

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again.

He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"

Todd · 11-23-2005, 11:00 AM

Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive colloseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.

Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delilght, he sees a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.

Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys!"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete!"