Local donut shop "help wanted" ad

[Achilleslastand]

Thought this was pretty good:

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICANTS FOR PART TIME COUNTER HELP

REQUIREMENTS
-MUST KNOW HOW TO MAKE CHANGE FROM A CASH TRANSACTION WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR
-MUST HAVE A FRIENDLY DEMEANOR AND PLEASANT GUEST SERVICE SKILLS
-MUST BE ABLE TO BEND, LIFT, STAND, AND WORK AT A FAST PACE FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME
-MUST BE AVAILABLE TO WORK ALL DAYS OF THE WEEK, AS NEEDED
-MUST BE ABLE TO WORK HOLIDAYS AND WEEKENDS
-MUST BE WILLING TO WORK DURING THE HOURS OF 4AM-2:30PM
-MUST BE HONEST, RELIABLE, HARDWORKING
-MUST BE ABLE TO WORK STANDING UP FOR THE ENTIRE SHIFT
-MUST BE ABLE TO WORK ALONE AND UNSUPERVISED
-MUST HAVE RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION

FYI
-THE DONUT SHOP IS HOT IN THE SUMMER AND COLD IN THE WINTER
-NO WHINERS OR DRAMA, LEAVE IT AT HOME
-YOU WILL SERVE GUESTS, WASH DISHES, CLEAN THE TOILET, TAKE OUT THE TRASH, PICK UP TRASH, CLEAN UP, BREAK DOWN, SCRUB ,BEND DOWN, LIFT, AND BE EXPECTED TO WORK YOUR ENTIRE SHIFT AND COMPLETE ALL REQUIRED DUTIES EVERY TIME YOU WORK

DO NOT APPLY IF;
-YOU ARE CONSISTENTLY LATE TO WORK
-YOU HAVE TO CALL OFF WORK REGULARLY FOR WHATEVER REASON
-YOU DON’T LIKE TO WORK HARD
-YOU HAVE A POOR ATTITUDE
-YOU PLAN TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR BOSS VIA TEXTING OR EMAIL
-YOU THINK IT IS ACCEPTABLE TO CARRY YOUR CELL PHONE AROUND, TEXT, TAKE CALLS, OR POST TO SOCIAL MEDIA SITES DURING WORKING HOURS


EXPECTATIONS;
-YOU ARE ON TIME TO WORK (THAT MEANS YOU ARE DRESSED IN UNIFORM, ALREADY ATE YOUR BREAKFAST, YOU ARE WELL GROOMED, YOU ARE AWAKE AND ALERT) BEFORE YOU CLOCK IN FOR YOUR SHIFT!!
-YOU DO YOUR JOB UNSUPERVISED
-YOU DO NOT LIE, CHEAT, OR STEAL
-YOU REPRESENT YOURSELF AND THE BUSINESS IN A POLITE, PROFESSIONAL MANNER AT ALL TIMES

-ALL OF THIS AND MORE...FOR MEAGER WAGES! DID I MENTION, IT REALLY IS FUN TO WORK HERE?!
STILL INTERESTED? THEN APPLY BY SENDING AN INFORMATIVE EMAIL TO;


I have a feeling this would weed out about 85% of applicants...
"MUST KNOW HOW TO MAKE CHANGE FROM A CASH TRANSACTION WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR"

[jerrywall]

When I was 14 and 15 I worked at a fireworks stand in the summer. I was amazed the number of folks who couldn't do the math to total up folks and make change.

[kevinpate]

Nah, what should weed out 85% or more would be these two items:

DO NOT APPLY IF;
...
-YOU PLAN TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR BOSS VIA TEXTING OR EMAIL
-YOU THINK IT IS ACCEPTABLE TO CARRY YOUR CELL PHONE AROUND, TEXT, TAKE CALLS, OR POST TO SOCIAL MEDIA SITES DURING WORKING HOURS

[RadicalModerate]

How about . . .
-MUST BE WILLING TO HARDEN YOUR CONSCIENCE AGAINST THE FACT THAT YOU ARE DIRECTLY CONTRIBUTING TO THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC AND CAUSING ALL OF THOSE ANNOYING SURVEYS ABOUT WHICH STATE IS THE FATTEST.

(Daylight Donuts Rules! When I drop another 31 lbs. I'm going to have a couple of them. =)
(Let me rephrase that: The Donut Shop that posted that Help Wanted Ad Rules.)

-JUST BECAUSE WE ARE LOCATED IN COLORADO YOU MUST BE WILLING NOT TO TRY OUT YOUR PERSONAL SECRET RECIPES IN A MISGUIDED ATTEMPT TO IMPROVE THE GENERAL HEALTH OF OUR CLIENTELE BY ADDING INGREDIENTS TO THE RECIPE.

-YOU MUST UNDERSTAND AND INTERNALIZE THE MEANINGS OF BIENVENIDOS, AMIGO, AND VAYA CON DIOS.

[MWCGuy]

For part time work that would probably weed out 99% of the applicants. You might have one guy that applied at the arm twisting of his probation officer. The rest are going to pass. There are too many do nothing jobs out there (most of them in retail and private security) that would pay just as much as this donut shop if not more and it would allow them to do the things this owner/manager does not want them to do.