Should mom stay at home?

[mranderson]

I have a cure for that one.

It is called one parent stay at home and raise your kids, while the other works to support the family, and spends evenings and weekends giving the kids the attention they need.

And please do not say anything like "times have changed." THAT is an excuse... Not a reason.

In other words, we do not need businesses like Pass Your Plate. They are the lazy way out. I will not use them for that reason.
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Moderator comment: we got a little off topic on the Pass Your Plate thread, so I split the thread and created a new one here! Have fun debating this topic. Thanks, Patrick, moderator

[Midtowner]

I'm glad that you won't. However, in the real world parents have to pay for kids' clothes, private school tuition, mortgage payments, etc. On one income, it doesn't always work unless the bread winner has a 6-figure income -- and for about 95% of Americans, that's not the case (see linked tables)

http://www.uwec.edu/geography/Ivogeler/w111/greedy.htm

We can't all have a nuclear family, we can't all have stay at home moms, I was lucky to have a mother that stayed at home despite having an excellent education (a Master's in French Lit) -- my father was able to provide for the family on his Assistant AG salary, then Judge salary, and then private practice income. She went back to work when we were in middle school, however. In our case, though, we were lucky enough to have that one income earner that put us in the top 1% all by himself. I believe the same is true for you.

Just because I was raised that way, I do realize that my upbringing was the exception, and not the rule. You probably need to look at that yourself before you get so hot-to-trot in judging others.

[asta2]

Okay since we are going this direction in this topic I'll jump in. I was a stay home mom for 10 years. My kids are 12, 10 and 8. I work full time now for several reasons. Mainly money. I have 2 kids heavily involved in sports. Meaning lots of nights out and it is extremely expensive to play at the level they are playing. I would use this service for that reason. It is so expensive to raise kids right now. I have one in private school because the junior high she would go to in OKC is the worst in the city. I have college to think about. Oh and lets talk about feeding all of them. Fortunately for me I have an extremely flexible job in Ad sales so I still make all the school functions and so forth. Don't be so quick to judge why mom's choose to work. Our lives are much better now because I have some disposable income that all goes to my kids. Even if I did stay home full time I would still like this concept so I wasn't cooking all the time and instead hanging out with my kids.

[mranderson]

I just find businesses that condone what appears to also be parents who would rather work than care for their families, useless.

[Midtowner]

I just find businesses that condone what appears to also be parents who would rather work than care for their families, useless.

Condone?? Your disapproving tone is still disturbing and shows your lack of repentance and regret.

Listen, if your objection is that working mothers have less time to spend with their family (and why should it be mothers? Why can't fathers stay at home?), think about it, here is a business that saves the parents time and allows them to spend more time at home with their kids rather than cooking. Now, is that bad???

[Patrick]

I don't have a problem with a business that helps working moms. But, I do think that moms should stay home if they have a husband that's making enough money to support the family. I think the time investment a mom can make into a child is well worth it. If we still had moms staying home we wouldn't have many of the problems we have in school today. Kids need attention. It's as simple as that. And in today's fast paced society, kids just aren't getting the attention they need. What kids reallyneed is discipline and attention, not a Ritalin or Adderall tablet.

I don't think a 6 figure income is necessary for mom to stay at home. My dad made what's equivalent to about $40,000 a year now when I was growing up, and my mom stayed home. We did fine. Now, we didn't live in a 6 story mansion or anything, but we had a nice 1400 square foot, 3 bed 2 bath home, in a nice neighborhood.

As we all know though, times have changed. Divorce is more common. There are many more single parents out there than there used to be. And simply put, many parents have to work now just to make ends meet. So I suppose there's no other choice but for mom to go out and work.

In a marriage, personally, I think it's silly for mom to go out and work and dad to stay at home. The feminist movement would like you to believe that's okay.

As everyone here knows, my religious faith does play a role in my opinions. I feel it's a man's role to be the leader of his family (not controlling or abusive, but instead the leader in working, providing, spiritual guidance, etc). A woman should support her husband in whatever way possible, (within reason of course....she isn't his slave).

[swake]

Ah, enlightened oklahoma, right here!!!!!

Keep them women barefoot and pregnant, God wants it that way.

I am really, really embarrased for this state.

Ward, the beaver is home..........


This is worse than the crap banning gay marriage.

[Patrick]

This thread is meant to discuss the merits of a woman being a homemaker, not to bash our state!

[Keith]

This thread is meant to discuss the merits of a woman being a homemaker, not to bash our state!

Exactly. When I was growing up in the 60's, my mom was a stay at home mom. Dad was a salesman, and he did the best he could to provide for us. We didn't live in a fancy house and we did without some luxuries, however, we always had food on the table, clothes, and a roof over our head.

Mom made sure she was home whenever my sister and I came home from school. She would always have dinner cooked and setting at the table when dad came home. We didn't go to movies, although, when dad would get a bonus, he would take us to a nice restaurant.

Mom was always there when we needed her. Because of her, we had a very strong and close family, mainly because she did so many things with so little resources. I remember when I had to wear a special shirt to school the next day, I had forgotten to tell mom I needed it washed. At 10:00 at night, she would do a load of laundry and stay up with it until it was finished. When I woke up the next morning, it was on my doorknob on a hanger.

When my sister and I were older, around 12-13 years old, mom started working part time to help supplement the income. She knew that we were old enough to come home after school and stay by ourselves.

Within a couple of years, she went to work full time. Because of her dedication, we were able to do more, since we weren't solely depending on dads income. Eventually, she went to work for the State of Oklahoma.

Well, years have passed, and mom retired from the State of Oklahoma in January of 2004, after 35 years of dedicated service. Dad also retired from the State of Okla. at the end of last year. Now, they are enjoying the retirement to the fullest. You know what? They deserve it. I feel that I have the greatest parents in the world, because they instilled in my sister and I great Christian values, and also showed us how important it was to be a family. It didn't matter how much money we didn't have, we were a happy family, and I would not trade those memories for the world.

Today, I still practice the values that I was taught as a child. My wife and I both worked full time when we got married, however, when we had our first child, she became a stay at home mom. She eventually started working part time, because of the fact that I did not make much money at the time. She was able to find jobs that allowed her to take the kids to school in the mornings, and pick them up after school.

Now, after 24 years of marriage, she is still working part time (30 hours a week), and is still able to get the kids off to school, and be able to pick them up after work. She hasn't worked full time since a couple of years after we got married. I have a pretty decent job now, plus I do a few things on the side to supplement our income. Sure, we have had some rough times, everybody has those. There is a special scripture that we have hung on to all these years, and we still live by it. "My God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory."

Sorry for the long post, but I just felt like sharing all of this.

[Midtowner]

Ah, enlightened oklahoma, right here!!!!!

Keep them women barefoot and pregnant, God wants it that way.

I am really, really embarrased for this state.

Ward, the beaver is home..........


This is worse than the crap banning gay marriage.

Swake,

Anywhere you go, you'll find people on both sides of the issue, including here! Also, if you don't have an opinion that has a thing to do with the topic at hand, please do not speak at all.

Also, please note that myself and others disagree with the fundamentalist anti-feminist position.

These folks aren't embarassments to their state, they are just people with opinions that differ from yours and mine. Honestly, there's nothing unhealthy about one parent staying home if it's possible. Where I depart from these fine peoples' company is where they believe that it must be the woman that provides childcare, as well as the individual who looks down his nose at working mothers (that was only one person).

You're not the only one here with a superiority complex, but at least I go out of my way to prove my point! (self-deprecating humor)

Your embarassment for our state is something none of us care about. Perhaps you should either move or seek counseling about this?

Tell me a little about your mother? Did she only feed you formula? The caviar flavored kind?

[swake]

The sad part is, you really don't know how far out of step you are with the entire rest of the nation here. This was an argument that was waged in 1960s and 1970s, with school integration and the draft.

Hey ho, Nixon's got to go!

[Midtowner]

The sad part is, you really don't know how far out of step you are with the entire rest of the nation here. This was an argument that was waged in 1960s and 1970s, with school integration and the draft.

Hey ho, Nixon's got to go!

And you're saying that fundamentalists and "family values" types don't exist in the rest of America? It just so happens that we have a few of them on this board. There are still people that think the nuclear family was the way things should be done.

Note, that there are those of us that think they aren't quite "up with the times" either. However, I will stand by their right to have the conversation and have their 1950's beliefs.

And just in case you haven't noticed, you're on here participating in the same argument.

Again, Mr. Pot, I'd like you to make the aquaintance of Miss Kettle.

[renffahcs]

Quote Swake

"The sad part is, you really don't know how far out of step you are with the entire rest of the nation here."

Hey Swake, We know how out of step we are in TX/Okla. We like it that way!!!

[renffahcs]

Anyone who has kids knows what I am about to say. Anyone who does not please come back and comment when you do. The first 5 years of your childs life are years you will never get back. EVER!! My wife and I have made really good money in past years, however, we deceided to live on 1 income in order to raise our daughter. I feel very blessed that we are able to do that and I understand that many cannot. Both my wife and I had parents that stayed home with us. Since my parents both worked for the schools we also had breaks and summers with them at home. I can tell you that I have memories of times with my parents that I would not trade for anything!! Consequently, this is why we are going to do the same as was done for us. The investment you make in your children last much longer than a 401k or a larger house etc. The investment you make in your children can carry on for generations. The impact you make in their lives will be passed down to grandchildren and beyond. I have never heard of anyone on their deathbed whos last words were, "I should have worked more."

[rxis]

I guess it goes down to what the situation is for every individual family. Thats how it usually is for just about everything though, right?

I'm a stay at home dad, during the day. I work at part time and can easily end up working full time. I also attend classes during the evenings. I sometimes get strange looks from groups of younger mothers when they see me with my daughter during the day. haha The older mothers don't seem to look at me suspiciously. This isn't something that happens often btw. Anyway, it can get hectic, but I love spending time with my daughter.
I grew up with both parents working full time and they didn't have the time to constantly monitor me, but they did provide a lot of family time to make up for it. I don't know how my dad sacrificed so much all these years. He took on most of the responsibility of raising me and he was definetly not a home maker by a long shot.

Her mother is a full time student and works part-time. She often works the night shifts. She is an excellent mother and I don't think her work and school schedule takes too much away from her daughter.

I don't think businesses like "Pass the Plate" is detrimental at all to home making.

To sum it all up, I think parents, whether they work or stay at home, can raise a close family as long as they put forth the love.

[Jay]

I think it's important for both spouses to work especially in today's economy. You can still properly raise a child with a two income family. Each parent has to dedicate time to the family. That means cancelling golf games, dinner parties, nights out at the bar and leaving work early so you can go to the soccer game. I heard on the radio the other day about a study on working parents. The study concluded that the quality of time was more important than the quantity.

We have too many people in our society that are workaholics. Sure it may bring in more income in the long run but, is more money worth sacrifiing quailty time with the family. I don't think it is. We as society need to focus more on the simple things in life. We all need to start living within our means.

Our family and friends do not value us by our material worth. They value our personality over anything else. What it comes down to is this. Are we there when they need us the most? Nobody cares how big our house is nor do they care about what we drive.

On a side note whatever happened to the family that ate together at most every meal and had a big family dinner on sunday. Have we become so obsessed with careers and playtime that family time is not important anymore?

[mranderson]

I think it's important for both spouses to work especially in today's economy. You can still properly raise a child with a two income family. Each parent has to dedicate time to the family. That means cancelling golf games, dinner parties, nights out at the bar and leaving work early so you can go to the soccer game. I heard on the radio the other day about a study on working parents. The study concluded that the quality of time was more important than the quantity.

We have too many people in our society that are workaholics. Sure it may bring in more income in the long run but, is more money worth sacrifiing quailty time with the family. I don't think it is. We as society need to focus more on the simple things in life. We all need to start living within our means.

Our family and friends do not value us by our material worth. They value our personality over anything else. What it comes down to is this. Are we there when they need us the most? Nobody cares how big our house is nor do they care about what we drive.

On a side note whatever happened to the family that ate together at most every meal and had a big family dinner on sunday. Have we become so obsessed with careers and playtime that family time is not important anymore?

Although I think one parent should stay home, if possible (after a very careful financial investigation), you have supported most of my case.

[~~*DarlingDiva*~~]

Hey Guys,

Im not sure from what I can tell I am the first woamn and mom replying to this thread.Anyway I am not even sure what this has turned into.On the pass the plate deal i actually would like to find out more about it.For someone like myslf who is always pressured for time this would be a great way to still make healthy dinners.On the staying at home deal.Thats totally a personal issue that each couple should decide how that works best for the family overall.I love the fact I can work from home and be here when Jesse gets off the bus.

DD

[Hannah]

After my first daughter was born, husband worked days, I worked nights. Lots of times we met in the driveway and passed the kid. After a year, my mother took care of her while I worked until she started school and did the same for my second daughter. I would not trust anyone more with them and today they see her often and are very close to their nana. I have a sister in law who is a stay at home mom although she has started back one night a week working for the poison control center. She needs that time away. My brother works at the Health Science Center and works many hours, nights, weekends. She can go a little stir crazy home all the time.
I think the best answer is what works for your family. My mom never worked a day after my dad graduated medical school and started in practice. She did not have to. She was however at the school all the time volunteering, going on field trips etc.

[mranderson]

Children need the nourchering of the parents. Yes. Mom should stay home and take care of the kids and pay the attention kids need. Otherwise, they will be the subject of Karrie's bully thread.

By the way. Dad should work his 40 and spend time with them as well. Work should come second. The luxuries can wait. The kids are more important than that expensive house , trip, or car.

[PUGalicious]

…more important than that expensive house , trip, or car.

That's not always the reason both parents need to work. In many cases, both parents need to work just to make ends meet. With downsizing and outsourcing, many people who were making decent money before find themselves working for significantly less now. Two people making little more than minimum wage is barely enough to live on today. So, for some, it's not a matter of time with kids versus an expensive car; it's a matter of time with kids versus feeding and clothing those kids.

[PUGalicious]

After my first daughter was born, husband worked days, I worked nights. Lots of times we met in the driveway and passed the kid. After a year, my mother took care of her while I worked until she started school and did the same for my second daughter. I would not trust anyone more with them and today they see her often and are very close to their nana. I have a sister in law who is a stay at home mom although she has started back one night a week working for the poison control center. She needs that time away. My brother works at the Health Science Center and works many hours, nights, weekends. She can go a little stir crazy home all the time.
I think the best answer is what works for your family. My mom never worked a day after my dad graduated medical school and started in practice. She did not have to. She was however at the school all the time volunteering, going on field trips etc.

I believe ideally it is best for one of the parents to stay at home during the early years. We were fortunate enough that I made enough money to allow my wife to stay home with our daughters in the beginning. In the times that we needed additional income to help meet rising costs, I worked during the days and my wife worked during the evenings. It was really tough but we worked through it. Once my daughters were both in school, my wife was fortunate to find a job that allowed her to work during school hours and be home when our girls were home.

We've made some sacrifices to try to be home with the girls when they are at home, but the sacrifices have been worth it. However, I know of many situations where both parents needed to work just to pay the bills — and we're talking the necessities like rent, utilities, food and gas for the car — while trying to stay off public assistance.

Whatever the case may be, mothers should not be made to feel guilty for working outside the home. Nor should stay-at-home mothers be made to feel "second-class" for not having a career in the "working" world. To me, there's no more noble profession than parenthood.

[terrared]

When my first was born I was working as a purchasing agent for a hospital in Tulsa. The hubby was working for a bank in the ATM department. My husband's grandmother watched the baby. Three years later we had our other son. We decided it would be best for me to stay home with the kids. There was no way we could ask an elderly woman to take on a newborn AND a three year old and daycare was too expensive and I couldn't find any place that I felt comfortable intrusting my children to.

We then left OK and six years later I'm still home with the boys. I tried to go back to work because I thought we could use the money. My husband works in the IT department of a bank and makes a decent wage, but we're not well-off by any means. That job lasted a whole three months. I couldn't stand to watch the strain it put on my kids. Their school work started to suffer, they weren't happy any more and their behavior changed. We decided that for us it was better for me to stay home with them. So now we're back to budgeting for EVERYTHING -- haircuts, trips to Chuck E Cheese and the amusement parks, etc. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

[mranderson]

That's not always the reason both parents need to work. In many cases, both parents need to work just to make ends meet. With downsizing and outsourcing, many people who were making decent money before find themselves working for significantly less now. Two people making little more than minimum wage is barely enough to live on today. So, for some, it's not a matter of time with kids versus an expensive car; it's a matter of time with kids versus feeding and clothing those kids.

The ones who opt for the expensive things need to buy a smaller house, eat generic brand foods, buy less expensive clothes, buy a used car instead of a new one or a less expensive one, no vacation, no luxuries. The kids come first... No matter what. I will not buy any other "excuse." The companies need to work people no more than 40 hours a week and tell them to go home agter their 40 and enjoy themselves.

Did you realize a lot of people who THINK they make more money actually make less than they did 20 years ago? Caculate the number of hours then vs. now and break it down by the hour. Less money. Same pay, more hours. Until the working people start saying they are not going to take it anymore, the abuse will continue and our kids will rebel for attention.

[PUGalicious]

The ones who opt for the expensive things need to buy a smaller house, eat generic brand foods, buy less expensive clothes, buy a used car instead of a new one or a less expensive one, no vacation, no luxuries. The kids come first... No matter what. I will not buy any other "excuse." The companies need to work people no more than 40 hours a week and tell them to go home agter their 40 and enjoy themselves.

I'm not sure I get your fundamental position. Are you disagreeing with what I said or agreeing with what I said?

Until the working people start saying they are not going to take it anymore, the abuse will continue and our kids will rebel for attention.

Sounds easy enough until you're given a permanent vacation because you "are not going to take it anymore." With the decline of unions, Corporate America has gain tremendous power over its employees; if they don't like an employees standing up for themselves, they find ways to "downsize" to eliminate the "dead wood." They also employee the all-to-common practice of outsourcing when personnel issues become too much of a hassle.

The power's no longer in the employee's hands. Your solution is oversimplistic and unrealistic.