(Ted) I like your line.
And i like your prices.
But there's a problem.
There's no guarantee on the box.
(Tommy) If they break down, you can call
me at home, even if i'm watching TV.
Callahan has guaranteed
every part sold since .
(Ted) Maybe so, but it's not on the box.
It should always be on the box.
Comforting you, calling out
"I'm good. I'll never let you down."
"But if i do, i'm gonna
make all things better."
(Tommy) Our brake pads are made of
a non-corrosive poly-plated...
(Ted) Son, if you're not talking
about a guarantee, skip it.
My customers need to see that little
label, lookin' at 'em right in the eye.
(Tommy) - Hey, you can get a good look at your butcher...
- No.
(Ted) What?
(Tommy) - Remember, chicken wings.
- Chicken wings?
Alright, uh, you wanna talk
about guarantees, then...
(Ted) Fellas, you just ran out of time.
(Tommy) Chicken wings.
Let's think about
this for a sec, Ted.
Why would someone put a guarantee
on a box? Hmm, very interesting.
(Ted) Go on! I'm listening.
(Tommy) Here's the way i see it, Ted.
A guy puts a fancy guarantee on the box 'cause
he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
(Ted) - Yeah, makes a man feel good.
(Tommy) - Of course it does. Why shouldn't it?
You figure you put that little box
under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy
might come down and leave
a quarter, am i right, Ted?
(Ted) What's your point?
(Tommy) The point is, how do you know
the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer?
"Building model airplanes" says the
little fairy. Well, we're not buying it.
He sneaks into your house once,
that's all it takes.
Next thing you know there's money missing
off the dresser and your daughter
is knocked up.
I've seen it a hundred times.
(Ted) But why do they put a
guarantee on the box then?
(Tommy) 'Cause they know all they sold
you was a guaranteed piece of ****.
That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if
you want me to take a dump in a box
and mark it "guaranteed", i will.
I got spare time.
Bookmarks