How do you quit so fast?

[Chefdavies]

So, my longtime girlfriend dropped me like a sack of potatoes. She met, slept and is now dating this guy before we broke up. Anywho, She "said" she was in love and would have married me if I had a ring. SO ladies how do you get over love so easily? I'm guessing she wasn't really in love. Plus age is playing a factor here, 24. I'm pretty but over it. Just wanted to ask the question.

[FritterGirl]

I hate saying it, but at twenty-four, you've still got PLENTY at time. Also, at twenty-four, many girls I know are still rather insecure (inwardly at least), and fickle. Many still suffer from the "knight in shining armor" syndrome, and are looking for the next best thing to "rescue" them from their current situation.

If she was only in it for the ring, you'll be better off in the long run. Sounds like she wouldn't have been in it for the long haul, anyway.

Sorry to hear about the situation. I'm sure you'll bounce right back. Just make sure to take some time and enjoy your "singledom," get back to what is most important - you - and when the time is right, you'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are - ring or not.

[Easy180]

So, my longtime girlfriend dropped me like a sack of potatoes. She met, slept and is now dating this guy before we broke up. Anywho, She "said" she was in love and would have married me if I had a ring. SO ladies how do you get over love so easily? I'm guessing she wasn't really in love. Plus age is playing a factor here, 24. I'm pretty but over it. Just wanted to ask the question.

Probably had a lot to do with the other guy promising the moon and slowly breaking her down...Ran into that a few times when I was younger...My guess is she will come running back to you within a year just as most of them do when they realize the dude is actually a douchebag

Not that I'm bitter or anything...Now anyway

Good luck my man

[mmonroe]

I've ran into that.. except the ex was woo'd only for a couple of one night stands and then dumped. She wanted to come back... but it's just like when someone else sits in your chair and runs the groove out of it, it's never the same chair again.

[Karried]

Obviously this chick has no morals, no sense of loyalty or self respect.. in other words... good riddance.

You seem like a very nice person from your posts... time to go out with your friends, make some new ones and find someone in the future who will be good to you. You deserve that.

This will be the hardest time ... but every day will get better, get through this, move on and learn from it. Good luck..

[PennyQuilts]

Thank goodness you dodged that bullet. There are high maintenance gals and then there are the rest of us. High maintenance looks good on your arm but doesn't go the distance well. The second she started saying she needed a ring you should have wished her well and moved on. When she comes back - PLEASE don't let her back in. She won't have changed and she won't have grown up. She'll just be looking for bragging rights that she can lay 'em down and pick 'em right back up.

[Toadrax]

The worst thing you can do to someone that takes your wife or girlfriend is to let him keep her.

You don't need a girlfriend to have a good time with ladies just like dumbo didn't need a feather to fly.

[Chefdavies]

well here is my thinking on the matter. Her mom was always telling her to keep her options open, even though I heard it from her mother that I was her fav. boyfriend ever. Ha ha Her mother basically was stuck in one of those relationships where you got married, and ended up hating your partner but for the sake of the kid you dont get a divorce.
As far as letting her back, its funny. She has come over to pay for her half of the bills, and asks why I act different around her, like I wont talk to her or seem distant. Then she tells me to never text her again (when she is with senor douchebag). I just say, I fell in love with someone that didn't have a real love for me, (that usually makes her cry). I'm good at one liners.
The craziest thing of all, is last night I'm babysitting my step brother, I happen to mention the guys name when he says " thats my counselor at the Y" As you can imagine my jaw dropped. Small small world. I already see the u-turn coming. I'm going to be like a girl and play hard to get. Guess his cooking wasn't as good as mine. Besides what lady doesn't want a man that likes to vaccum and cook. haha

[Toadrax]

Would you be attracted to a manly woman?

Why would you expect a woman to find it attractive that you can clean the house?

If you want to keep her around, figure out what a man would do and do it. If you don't want to keep her around, figure out what a man would do and do it.

Either way, a man isn't going to get himself bent over some chick. I'm not trying to be mean to you here, just telling you what you need to know.

[PennyQuilts]

You would be out of your mind to take her back. Let me do you a favor - fly out to the east coast and I will take you on a tour of family court with child support/custody and visitation fights going on. Swear to god - I can't imagine why young men are so drawn to frickin' crazy girls who think the whole world is all about how hot she is. This is not about love. With women, it is really about respect. If a women doesn't respect you, a lot of them will treat you like garbage. This lady has no respect for you (or herself) or she wouldn't have behaved this way.

Oh, and Toad has a point that supports what I am saying. You won't get her respect because you keep a nice house.

And don't play hard to get. Grow up and quit playing games, period. That is highschool stuff...

Oh, and why in the name of god are you telling your step brother who is young enough to need to be baby sat about this tripe?

Sorry to be so harsh.

[Chefdavies]

haha, I'm not saying I keep a clean house by any means. My kitchen always looks like a bomb went off. I was just saying I liked to vaccum, didnt mean I did it all the time.
No tours for me. I realize the games. I'm quite smart with this stuff. The harshness is understandable.

The single seen is being more and more fun. Its easlier to be single than with someone thats for sure. She messed up, and well I believe in karma, it will come back around. Thanks for the support. I am man hear me roar!!! that better? haha

[kmf563]

The quickest way to get over someone is to occupy your time and mind with something/someone else. Glad you are getting out and enjoying the single scene. It can be fun, just be careful. Lots of girls out there who only want the shiny thing on the finger in that age bracket.

[PennyQuilts]

Ok, good. Glad you are on to her. What you need to be doing at your age is figuring out what is gold and what is just flashy. Don't settle for flashy because it costs more in the long run.

I'm a guardian ad litem with he courts and one of my kids who has aspergers also likes to vacuum...

[Chefdavies]

silly girl texted me yesterday to ask if I still had the meatballs I made? After not responding, she text that she was just going to come over. I told her look stop the stupid game, and no i dont have the meatballs, I gave them to a homeless guy.

[PennyQuilts]

She isn't looking for the meatballs.

[Chefdavies]

I dont know they were pretty tasty haha. I almost made it all day yesterday without a text, but she wanted to complain about a bill we were splitting. I got my fingers crossed for today

[kevinpate]

Tell her you don't want her upset about the dividing line on the bill so she can have the whole thing. After all, you kept all the meatballs so you owe her all of something, right?
If nothing else, it'll likely stop the texts for a day or three while she plots the response.

[FritterGirl]

Unless it is something critical, I'd ignore the texts altogether. Sometimes silence is the best answer. As long as she knows you'll respond, she still thinks she's got an "in" with you, some tiny inkling of hope.

Truth be told, it's not completely atypical female behavior (sorry, ladies, you know we know it's true).

[Toadrax]

Truth be told, it's not completely atypical female behavior (sorry, ladies, you know we know it's true).

Females without a real man in their life do that because they are unhappy.

I bet if he put his foot down, told her that her behavior was unacceptable, took charge, and laid out how what was acceptable she would be a lot more happy.

If she was happy things would be different.

Women don't put pictures of Richard Simmons on their wall and dream for a man like that.

I don't advocate violence or anything, but at least consider what the man has to say.

[FritterGirl]

Females without a real man in their life do that because they are unhappy.

If she was happy things would be different.

I think we hit the jackpot. There are obvious insecurities here, and it seems like our "female ex" needs to get happy with herself first before she is able to find happiness with another. She's projecting the responsibility of happiness on the men she choses to be with. When one can't make her happy (chasing the elusive ring), she goes off to another. Again, it's the "Knight in Shining Armor" syndrome.

She's got to "rescue" herself first, then she might find what she thinks is missing in her life.

I still think Chef's better off ignorning her attempts at finding a way back in. It'll only lead to trouble.

[Chefdavies]

So far so good. No texts as of yet haha. As far as the bills go, we lived together have a lease together so she thought we should split that last one, She shut up when I reminded her I have to pay the entire rent now.
She does have insecurity problems. I think it all comes from her parents. They never get along, her mom was always telling her to "keep her options open, " and dad only talked about himself. Funny thing is, she would bag on me bc I liked to hang out with my father oftern (bc my mother is in heaven), she called me a daddy's boy, and said OKlahomans are weird they hang out with their families more than texans....I just laughed at her. She got mad, responded by saying "i have hung out with his parents for the last 4 days, I'm their lil starlet." I laughed again. Told her you have no idea what your saying, and you really need to move home or move to an apartment by yourself and figure out what YOU want, not others. So where does she move, about a hundred yards away, directly north so you can see me coming and going apperantly.

Oh well, Its been a long week. I kinda hope it rains, its soothing. Plus some odd reason I like to try to bbq in the rain.

[brenna]

I agree with others that you need to cut the text message communication with her b/c it sounds like she is using that to still keep you within her control somewhat(also a big red flag that she moved only 100 yards away!) Anyone can be manipulative with texts, and it's very easy to since you don't have to directly talk to someone or be face-to-face, but you get the same quick reactions from whom you are texting. It's not fair to you. She ended it, so she needs to move on. If you continue to answer her, then she will just waltz back into your life whenever she is bored or unsatisfied with this other dude. Again, not fair to you.

If you still have bills to split, then find another form of communication, like e-mail, where she can't pull any fast ones on you, like the meatball scenario. You CAN be in control if you want to, but you can't allow her to continue to do what SHE wants. If that still matters to you, then you really need to come to grips with the whole thing...the cheating and lying. The best way to deal with that is to allow yourself to get mad and just let it all out. After you realize what a bi*ch she really is for doing this, I don't think you'll continue to let her walk all over you. I dunno, I could be completely off base but it sounds like you are still waiting for her(like w/ the texts), and you've just got to let that go.

To answer your original question, how does someone get over love? Time. Just like anything else that is a process. With more time, you will keep taking steps back from this relationship so you will be able to see certain things that were harder see(or things you just didn't want to see) while you were actually in the relationship. This may surprise you later on, but I'm willing to bet that you will be thankful that you WERE able to finally understand certain things about your ex in hindsight. No one likes to breakup, it sucks, it hurts, but at least you didn't REALLy mess up and actually marry this chick. If she's going all nuts now, can you imagine what your life would be like if you encountered this problem after you got married, with even more responsibility together, and god forbid kids. That would be a nightmare. And with what the divorce rates are what they are now, it irritates me how so many people rush into getting married. It's also completely warped that certain couples(esp. women) get caught up in the whole ring ordeal. A ring doesn't mean crap unless you truly have what it is supposed to symbolize. Just like the saying, "she wanted a wedding, not a marriage".

I really wish you the best, and don't dwell on this since it was obviously not meant to be(and if it is for some reason, then everything will work itself on its own). I think you have your mind right in that department though. My dad always told me, "if it ain't right, then it ain't ever gonna get right". When it comes to love, I believe this to be true. Keep you head up ChefD. If you need to talk, let me know.

[Oh GAWD the Smell!]

You people are too nice.

She sounds about a half-bubble off of plumb. Spitfire batsh*t insane is hard to break up with. I feel for you man. It's hard to get past stuff like that.

Since she can see the goings-on at your place now...You should take a page from Oh GAWD's book and just start hiring strippers to come over at all hours of the day and night, just to play video games.

If she approaches you again, call her mom and tell her that her dirty daughter gave you herpes.

[brenna]

You people are too nice.
[B]
She sounds about a half-bubble off of plumb. Spitfire batsh*t insane is hard to break up with.

Since she can see the goings-on at your place now...You should take a page from Oh GAWD's book and just start hiring strippers to come over at all hours of the day and night, just to play video games.

If she approaches you again, call her mom and tell her that her dirty daughter gave you herpes.

hahahahahahaha. man, i would hate to break up with you! I would definitely not take a page out of Oh GAWD's book.

[PennyQuilts]

Well, it isn't exactly the same thing but I deal with custody/visitation cases and you would not believe the kind of BS some people put in e-mails, text messages and voice mail that ends up as evidence in court. Spitfire batsh*t is a pretty reasonable term when it comes to some people.

BTW - for awhile, there was a surge in "fake" myspace pages where one of the parents would construct a fake myspace site in the other parent's name and load it up with all kinds of horrible pictures - then try to use it as evidence in court.

One of my favorite deals, though, was a mother ordered to not drink who had posted pictures of her 6 year old son, sporting a mohawk (which was used to pinpoint when the picture was taken) pumping a keg at her house with her nearly passed out right next to him. SHE POSTED IT!!!

I think the point is that when you aren't dealing face to face, people tend to get a little ridiculous.