As long as it is their 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th string I don't care if the score is 212-0. You have to keep running your offense because your 4th string player is only 3 injuries away from being a starter. And with all the legal problems in college football, it doesn't even take an injury.
I like how everyone arguing against the Mike Gundy philosophy is a UO fan... How bout I start a thread talking crap on UO and watch you guys go nuts. Time to leave it up to the fans of the team to critique their own players. Jeesh!
Thanks Radical for helping me summon up this column:
Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
THE COACH AND THE CARPENTER
“If I had a hammer!
I’d hammer in the morning…”
“Not in that damn shirt, you won’t!”
It is OSU football coach Mike Gundy, folks. He’s here to tell carpenters who may wish to do trim carpentry at his house they best choose their working attire carefully. He also wants them to know if they happen to see one of his quarterbacks eating chicken near the construction site, don’t write anything about it. If you want to tell someone about the chicken eating, leave the young man out of it. You can take up your chicken-eating grievances with Mike himself, who happens to be a man, age 44.
Here’s another thing not to do if you’re doing carpentry at the Mike and Kristen Gundy house: don’t play “Boomer Sooner” on your boom box. And, especially, don’t mouth the words, even if you know all of them, to that song.
This advice I’m giving to you carpenters, you need to heed. It’ll save you, may even make you, money. Another carpenter (named Brent Loveland of Choctaw, OK if you really must know) had an $ 80,000, three month job yet made the mistake of wearing an OU Sooner baseball shirt in the 44 year-old man’s house.
And, allegedly, sailors would be blushing after the expletives Mike Gundy strung together in response to Mr. Loveland picking out the wrong shirt. Such classics as “You wore %@&#** crimson into my house? With f-bombing BROWN @*%& shoes? You insult my wife by effing walking in here with your effing shirt and those SHOES?
See, I’m not even a sailor… and I’m blushing.
Mr. Loveland, according to a suit he filed, was told to pack his sh*t and hit the road. Now, we know there’s a song in there somewhere. Maybe Garth Brooks will sing it. If not Garth, Toby Keith might. It sounds like a country song:
“Pack your sh*t and hit the ro-o-ad
Get on out… do as you’re told
What you’re wearing sure ain’t gold…
Oh, pack your sh*t and hit the ro-oad”
Will it make the Top 40 like Mike’s viral hit “I’m a Man?” No, probably not. But it is catchy, anyway.
If Brent Loveland had read the book “Dress for Success” he might still have the job. Even when you pull a shirt out of your drawer in the 4:30 am darkness of a hot, summer Oklahoma morn, you still want to make a good first impression. That’s why God created always-open Wal-Marts; so dumb guys wouldn’t need to wear OU Sooner shirts into OSU Cowboy coach’s homes. Wait a moment! Sounds like another song:
“That’s why God created Wal-Marts
For all the dummies… with no smarts
Who grabs a shirt up… in the dark…
If brains be matches… his don’t spark
For anyone with a way too early start…
That’s why God created Wal-Mart”
On second thought, forget the songs. If you’re a subcontractor, don’t offend your client. If you’re a cabinetmaker putting in library shelves at a professor’s home, don’t walk in wearing a tee reading “BOOKS” with a big circle around it and a slash through it. Or, for instance, if you’re a bald plumber and you’ve contracted to re-do the piping in all seven of a rich senator’s houses, don’t walk in wearing an Obama shirt. In other words, don’t sh*t where you eat. Wait a moment! That has the makings of another song.
“Hey Buddy, here’s advice I tell everyone I me-et
If’n you wanna keep standin’; stayin’ up on your fe-et
‘N you don’t wanna be kicked out; out in the stre-et
Just listen to me, so I don’t, don’t need re-pe-eat
Just don’t do it, don’t sh-*t-it-it where you e-eat”
Don't mention it . . .Thanks Radical for helping me summon up this column:
(oh! wait!! i feel a song a-comin' on . . . =)
If I Were an OU Carpenter
(with insincere apologies to
Tim Hardin, Bobby Darin, Homer and Jethro
and Weird Al Yankovic)
If I were a carpenter
and you were Mike Gundy
And I wore a shirt of red
Would you go all Ted Bundy?
If your kitchen countertop
Were to need a refit
How you gonna git 'er done
What with all your bullsh!t?
Hate my shirt psychotically
Hate my shirt with reason
I'm still billing for a service call
Wishing you a rotten season
If I were a Cowboys fan
Not givin' you the crimson blues
Just planin' down a stickin' door
Would you still dis' my brown shoes?
If a nailer were my trade
And I did not wear orange
Would you kick me out angrily
Ere I fixed your door hinge?
If I were a carpenter
And you were Mike Gundy
And I wore a shirt of red
Would you go all Ted Bundy
And I wore a shirt of red
Would you go all Ted Bundyyyyyyyyyyyyy
(probably should be something in there about "being a man, not a baby" or "onside kicks" or "turds in punchbowls" or whatever, but we can't have everything.... can we? Maybe David Allen (Alan?) Coe knows . . . =)
Dude! You had a rhyme for orange!
Yup. There's a rumor that "sporange" also rhymes with it, but it has nothing to do with football, Mike Gundy, unsportmanlike conduct/contracting, etc . . . and so forth . . . et.al. . . .
I've heard that "Glenmorangie" might rhyme with "Orange-y" . . . but only in Scotchland.
My favorite rhyme with sooners is gooners
Here . . . Have a cigar! =)
And a can of Orange Crush.
Gundy and Ted Bundy, have to like it.
Could've gone with Al Bundy... and his ten commandments... er, make it nine
After all Ed O'Neil and Al Bundy were football players
Ed played at Youngstown State, Ohio University and the Pittsburg Steelers
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