Women and Love

[Curt]

Yes my friend, very cute.

[Jay]

Mr. Anderson:

I understand where your coming from. You feel if the person being dumped had a reasonable explanation it could increase thier chances of keeping the next person around for a relationship.

You have to keep in mind people are quirky. Sometimes people don't give the real reason out of fear thier own humiliation. Besides, if you ever did get the real reason for the break up. You would probably walk away laughing or completely confused.

The other downside of knowing the real reason is this. A person may tell you that your too nice. When actually that may be your best feature about your character. The next thing you know your three relationships down the road and you have accomplished nothing. The only thing you have learned is how to be a yesman. We all know yesmen are the most annoying people in the world.

I think dating is nothing more than a numbers game. Just like everything else in life. The more attempts you make at it the more you learn. All you have to do is observe your own behavior and you will learn what your doing wrong.

[osupa05]

Cutie, huh?

what? You're doubting my cuteness??? Gee, thanks! I'm in the big city. for which this site was formed.. well, it's big to me!

Thanks Mariner! Maybe Leon will come around to your way of thinking soon ;~)!

[Curt]

what? You're doubting my cuteness??? Gee, thanks! I'm in the big city. for which this site was formed.. well, it's big to me!

Thanks Mariner! Maybe Leon will come around to your way of thinking soon ;~)!

Anytime osupa, hope you find that guy of your dreams soon

[mranderson]

"You have to keep in mind people are quirky. Sometimes people don't give the real reason out of fear thier own humiliation. Besides, if you ever did get the real reason for the break up. You would probably walk away laughing or completely confused."

I understand that COULD happen. However, what if it is a person who keeps saying or doing the same things over and over (or does not do or say) without realizing it. A habit can not be corrected if the person does not know about it. It often takes several people telling someone something before they get the message.

Yes. On occasion, the person may laugh or be confused. However, personally, I am willing to take that chance. I had a woman tell me one thime (after several dates), totally out of the blue that she prefered black men. I asked her why she never told me. Her reaction was " You never asked me." Of course I was confused. Why should a white man ask a white woman if she prefers black men? Same would go for a man of any race asking a woman of his own race about another race. Yes. To this day I am confused.

I do not rememeber anything that made me laugh, however, I have probably heard things that did.

My point is simple. I place a very high value on honesty. Most people might say "I don't want to hurt their feelings," as an act of compassion. On the surface it is. However, that act they think is out of compassion is usually something that not only hurts the other person, but can delay their search.

Do I always tell them the truth as to why I do not want to continue? No. However, it is quite rare when I have to find an excuse. If a woman is so ugly I get sick to my stomach seeing her face, then, no. I will find something. That has only happened once or twice on blind dates. I told them a friend had wanted us to meet and I only did because I did not want to spoil the friendship, and that I usually did not agree to these things. I am not about to tell a woman she would beat my rectum in an ugly contest. Or that she is so large she has to use the Pacific ocean for a bath tub. I WOULD however, tell a woman if she was too clingy or made me feel she wanted to go from the first meeting to the wedding chapel non stop. (hey. If she looked like Bo Dereck I might just follow her to that chapel). I might also tell her if our personalities did not match. I would find a reason why. I feel I owe a woman a truthful explination with rare exception. If she was too large or real ugly, I would tell the person who arrainged the date. If they were a true friend, they would accept it. Chances are they know it anyway.

The point is simple. If a person has a bad habit that turns off the opposite sex on a continuial basis, they need to be made aware of it by several people before they can work to correct it. Compassion is not always not hurting ones feelings. Your act of compassion may hurt more.

[Karried]

ahhh, there are many many people who have hearts of gold and would make 'beautiful' life partners even if they don't look like Bo Derek - maybe looking past their physical appearance might just surprise some people with a wonderful relationship.

As far as telling someone the honest truth, many won't purposely insult and offend a person by being brutally honest, if it's not there, it's not there -and just because something you did wasn't attractive to one person doesn't mean that the next one won't love that particular trait... as long as you are clean, smell good, have good teeth, are a good listener and a gentleman, how horribly wrong can you act?

Sometimes chemistry just isn't right between people, I would try to not take it personally and move on to your next relationship.

[Leon]

Mariner, careful my friend, you and I are part of a group I'll call Accomodating Men.....Men in that we like manly things...sports, violence, mechanical crap, do-it-yourself stuff, and beautiful secure women....accomodating in that we'll give in to our women to keep them happy, make them smile, GET SOME. Controlling women LOVE us....insecure women want security (naturally)...they often end up controling accomodating men to get it.

Ubder certain circumstances, you may be able to re-label "Accomodating Men" to "Insecure Men". The insecure man is willing to releinquish control to the women....problem is, secure women don't want control, insecure women do.

[Leon]

Brooks and Dunn:

Hello, heartache ache, who let you in?
Swore the last time, never again
Back together, just you and me
Where's your old friend, Mister Misery

I went and did it, I dropped my guard
I fell in and I fell apart
Now she's sayin' she's found someone new
How could I have been such a fool?

Oh, close the door, turn out the light, draw the curtain
I'll get over her in time, gonna take some hurtin'

Oh, I tell myself, "I told you so." as I fall apart
I can't blame love, but I'll never forgive my heart




Any two-steppin' ladies out there?????

[Curt]

[QUOTE=Leon]Mariner, careful my friend, you and I are part of a group I'll call Accomodating Men.....Men in that we like manly things...sports, violence, mechanical crap, do-it-yourself stuff, and beautiful secure women....accomodating in that we'll give in to our women to keep them happy, make them smile, GET SOME. Controlling women LOVE us....insecure women want security (naturally)...they often end up controling accomodating men to get it.

Ubder certain circumstances, you may be able to re-label "Accomodating Men" to "Insecure Men". The insecure man is willing to releinquish control to the women....problem is, secure women don't want control, insecure women do.[/QUOT

Amen, Leon. Brother, if I was closer, we'd need to go out and have a beer or three and talk to some ladies. Although I am bitter right now, I aint givin up. I have learned alot lately.

[osupa05]

I just got back from "havin' a beer with the boys"... and was reading along... and wondering... Can "secure" women still want/need "security" in a relationship? I consider myself secure, in that I know who I am, and what direction I want my life to go... I still wonder every once in a while if "these make me look fat" (to which I want replied.. nope, but you sure make them look fat! haha!)... However, I still inately (spl?) long for, and sometimes crave the security that comes from being in a relationship. Maybe that's my problem... I need to learn to not want more security! Thanks... I think I just answered my own question...

New question.. Is there not an unspoken bar rule about dressing/drinking pretentiously? For example: If a girl (because I don't think this rule pertains to guys) chooses to dress pretentiously, should she not then choose to drink unpretentious drinks? And, vice versa, if she dresses a litle more lax, she can then pull off drinking fufu drinks the entire evening? I think that it's an unspoken rule, however, "the boys" just think I"m crazy!!!

[Curt]

I just got back from "havin' a beer with the boys"... and was reading along... and wondering... Can "secure" women still want/need "security" in a relationship? I consider myself secure, in that I know who I am, and what direction I want my life to go... I still wonder every once in a while if "these make me look fat" (to which I want replied.. nope, but you sure make them look fat! haha!)... However, I still inately (spl?) long for, and sometimes crave the security that comes from being in a relationship. Maybe that's my problem... I need to learn to not want more security! Thanks... I think I just answered my own question...

New question.. Is there not an unspoken bar rule about dressing/drinking pretentiously? For example: If a girl (because I don't think this rule pertains to guys) chooses to dress pretentiously, should she not then choose to drink unpretentious drinks? And, vice versa, if she dresses a litle more lax, she can then pull off drinking fufu drinks the entire evening? I think that it's an unspoken rule, however, "the boys" just think I"m crazy!!!

Hun, I think you did answer your own question there, dont depend on someone else to make you feel more secure, just be happy with yourself the way you are, and make changes if you are not..............wow...........did that make any sense at all? cuz if it did, I think I need to take my own advise. I am secure with myself, who I am, maybe not the best looking guy around, but not too bad. Women seem to like my eyes more than anything, I just tell them that is my second best feature . Anyway, nuff about me. Now to answer your question, drink what you feel like drinking, just because you might be wearing dress pants and a dress shirt doesnt mean you cant have a beer, and if your wearing a pair of torn jeans and a t-shirt (which I prefer), have a Pina' Colada, or whatever, just drink what you like.

[Leon]

The thought has never crossed my mind that a woman would choose a drink around the clothes she is wearing. Have what ya want.

[osupa05]

Haha.. I only say that because I don't often dress slutty, and I don't drink beer... I'm really mainly a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl (unless the occasion specifically calls for something more) and I wish that I liked beer, but nope it's malibu sunrises and midsummernight's dreams for me... sooo, in my pretentious drinking habits, I tend to want to be a little more key and not dress so preteintiously! I know I'll only drink what I want, no matter what I'm wearing... I just thought it was kind of a fun rule... and I didn't know if any other females felt the same about drinking/dressing... Maybe it all comes back to that whole security thing!!! haha!

[Curt]

Haha.. I only say that because I don't often dress slutty, and I don't drink beer... I'm really mainly a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl (unless the occasion specifically calls for something more) and I wish that I liked beer, but nope it's malibu sunrises and midsummernight's dreams for me... sooo, in my pretentious drinking habits, I tend to want to be a little more key and not dress so preteintiously! I know I'll only drink what I want, no matter what I'm wearing... I just thought it was kind of a fun rule... and I didn't know if any other females felt the same about drinking/dressing... Maybe it all comes back to that whole security thing!!! haha!

No need to dress sluty hun, in fact, I am more turned on by a woman in jeans and a t shirt than anything. I have never heard of a malibu sunrise, but I do like tequila sunrises.

[osupa05]

I know..but sometimes the occasion arises for a good slutty top... not that my definition of slutty top means baring it all... just showing a little extra skin... e.g. I love to dance, but I don't normally go dancing in a t-shirt and jeans... and of course it depends on what type of dancing i'm doing too..

[Karried]

It's so ironic, when you fall in love with someone you want to shout it out to the world (Tom Cruise) but if you're not Tom Cruise, I think most women would say 'oh please' tone it down would ya?' You have all these feelings and can't really express them because your significant other (SO) won't allow it - threatens them and scares them away. I think both Leon and Mariner are catches of a lifetime - and I know both of you will find your someone special. just remember, cool as a cucumber, play a little hard to get, no "I'm not worthy!" bowing allowed...ha,ha...

[Leon]

Osupa, T-shirt and jeans....that's as sexy as it gets....my favorite combo anyway.

[Leon]

Karried, thanks.
I intend to just hang out and do my own thing for a while....gotta find out what that is though first.

[osupa05]

Might I suggest a fun round at the driving range! I just played "golf" for the first time yesterday... well, I learned how to swing a club.. and it was quite fun.. especially when I broke my club! It's such a rush to hit the ball hard and long... and the blisters and achey shoulder today... well, I'm still trying to decide if they are worth it! Haha...!

But, seriously, there are lots of things to do... If there's something that you have always wanted to learn how to do, but have never done it.. now's the time. Now, you have no commitments, no responsibility (as far as family goes)... so go jump out of that plane, learn how to tango (yeah... that's sexy!), or maybe just take your dog out to play frisbee. See, I'm talking myself into all the benefits of being single (and free!)! I know if I wasn't in school, I'd be the first person in line to learn how to ballroom dance! Find something... and turn into a passion!

[Leon]

I really need to

[Curt]

It's so ironic, when you fall in love with someone you want to shout it out to the world (Tom Cruise) but if you're not Tom Cruise, I think most women would say 'oh please' tone it down would ya?' You have all these feelings and can't really express them because your significant other (SO) won't allow it - threatens them and scares them away. I think both Leon and Mariner are catches of a lifetime - and I know both of you will find your someone special. just remember, cool as a cucumber, play a little hard to get, no "I'm not worthy!" bowing allowed...ha,ha...

That is the difference between Tom Cruise, or any of those famous guys chicks dig, and normal guys like Leon and myself, women would want everyone to know who they are with, just to maybe rub it in the faces of their friends, or other ladies, but your average guy is easy to find, so maybe the women dont need everyone to know. Another thing, the guys like Tom Cruise can get away with treating their women like crap if they want to and either keep them or find a new one the next day, and they know it, average guys like Leon and myself cant do that. Thanks Karrie for saying we are catches of a life time, I'll be happy being an average guy. I know what I have to offer someone, maybe not alot of money, but a whole lot of love and respect, if they like me for that good, if not, oh well, I am what I am.

[kschopfer]

Women do love the average guy. In fact if they aren't looking for the average guy they could find themselves in alot of trouble. The ones your referring to are major heart breakers. I'm looking for a man I can be myself and thinks I'm sexy. But men are no different their looking for a cute hot babe, so whats the difference. Man or woman u can usually spot a heart breaker in any sex. Don't have to look far. Thats the trick spoting the heart breakers and staying clear of them. Right.

[Curt]

Women do love the average guy. In fact if they aren't looking for the average guy they could find themselves in alot of trouble. The ones your referring to are major heart breakers. I'm looking for a man I can be myself and thinks I'm sexy. But men are no different their looking for a cute hot babe, so whats the difference. Man or woman u can usually spot a heart breaker in any sex. Don't have to look far. Thats the trick spoting the heart breakers and staying clear of them. Right.

Very well put. I can spot a guy a mile away that will treat a woman like a peice of meat, those guys are just a peice of **** themselves and ruin it for the good guys. I have tried telling female friends about guys, they dont listen, and I am usually right, just because of the fact I work in shops with guys and know how they think about women, and most guys think a woman is good for sex only. They brag about who they tagged last night and who they are going to tag tonight. My buddy has been crying the blues to me because the girl he dumped three times now is seeing other guys, and he does not like it and wants her back, she told me that she will have to think about that with him. Then get this, he works a carnival, he is a police officer, then calls me up to tell me about this chkcky he met, see what I mean about guys? those ruin it for us honest and faithful guys.

[kschopfer]

Well as we know it goes both ways men treating women bad and women treating men bad. The last man I dated treated me like gold and I him. Too bad things go south. I appreciated all the time we spent together, because it was few and far between. He really knew how to treat a women. There are few men I've seen that truely do. But hey women you need to show your appreciation, when they treat you good. I vowed after we broke up, if I find another like him, I'm holding on to him.

[Karried]

Yeah, the more I think about it, Tom Cruise was a dirtbag when he left Nicole and his kids for Penelope ....now, he's acting like a lovesick fool. I'd much rather be with an average guy who has respect and honors commitment and family - and I agree with above poster who says to go out and experience new fun things that you always wanted to do, in the meantime, you just might meet some new friends and someone special...