How to meet people in OKC?

[KenRagsdale]

The experience bchris had with his family re: avoiding the inner city is common. In the past, my wife and I have attended parties/social functions in Edmond. When we shared the fact we lived in the inner city, there was a common look of horrifying shock. Based upon the subsequent discussion, it's my belief many suburbanites believe spouse and I are engaged in running gun battles with gangs, drug dealers and other assorted "bad guys" each time we leave the house.

[stlokc]

OK - Here's my BIG caveat: I've never lived in OKC as an adult.

But I did move to St. Louis, MO a dozen years ago and didn't know a soul beyond a few college acquaintances. I just can't believe that two biggish midwestern cities would be that far apart in their realities. So, here's what I did, take it or leave it:

I joined the local alumni chapter of my college, Mizzou. I don't know where you went to school, but in a city the size of OKC I guarantee you there is an alumni chapter. If there's not, your college will be thrilled to help you start one. I don't care if you went to Vermont Polytechnic, there are at least a dozen other alums in OKC. Maybe hundreds or thousands in the case of a Big 12, Big 10, or SEC school. These alumni organizations live for social events, watch parties, or if you're not into sports, lots of them do service projects. I've made countless friends through MAA.

Alzheimer's is a disease that is prevalent in my family, I called the local chapter and lo and behold, they had a "Young Friends of the Association" group that was struggling for members and publicity. They had monthly meetings, I started going to the meetings, we put on fundraisers, do publicity for the Association. Maybe you have a particular interest in cancer or heart disease, I don't know. If it's not a disease, there is some kind of charity that trips your trigger. It's universal, every single arts or health related non-profit is literally crying out for involvement by young people. Most of the arts organizations in STL have "Young Friends" groups, I just have to think it's the same in OKC. If not, start one and you'll be the hero.

I also got involved in local politics. If you have a favorite candidate or cause, they would welcome you with open arms. That's not everybody's schtick, but it worked for me when it comes to meeting people.

Also, I got involved in my industry (advertising). Again, I just have to think that there are young professional organizations related to whatever it is you do for a living.

Contrary to popular belief, you are probably not going to meet a wide group of soul mates at a bar. Church? Well, maybe, I'll leave that up to you. But I guess my point is, when you're an adult, friends don't just materialize the way they do when you're a kid. You have to decide to go out and make it happen. I think figuring out 1 or 2 or 3 of your interests and focusing your energies in that direction is the way to go. Worked for me. Again, St. Louis is bigger than OKC, but OKC isn't exactly Ponca City. Some variation of this is going to work for you, if you want it to.

The other thing about this approach is that it isn't completely geographically oriented. Although, I do think living in an area with young people, whether downtown or not will help you. I think as a young (ish) single person, I wouldn't live north of about 63rd street. But, personal preference. Good luck!

[bradh]

I think myself and someone else mentioned the industry organization earlier in the thread, that's a good place to start.

[soonerguru]

Is there any suburban areas that have more younger, single people than others in this city or do I pretty much have to live downtown? For instance, if I lived in Norman, would I have any better luck? I am not necissarily looking to be right next door to bars and nightlife, just in an area of town where I am more likely to meet other single people like at church for instance? I want to say again I am not looking for a dating relationship at this time, just friends. Far NW OKC is extremely family oriented and I think living out here is part of the problem. Mind-numbing properly describes the experience I've had this past year. I support downtown as much as the next guy, however my family tells me they won't come and visit me if I live downtown and being close to family is one of the primary reasons I live in OKC, so it would be nice if I could find somewhere that is still suburban but more single-friendly than NW OKC.

Can anybody on here who is religious recommend churches that have active singles groups for people in their 20s, besides Crossings? I have seen PeopleChurch recommended, which I haven't tried yet but plan to soon. Any others?

Your family won't visit you if you live downtown???? WTF? WHY???

That is insane.

You're not going to find something suburban and single friendly. And if crime is your family's concern, Downtown and Midtown are safer than most of the close-in neighborhoods are.

You need to do what is best for you. You're still young but you're old enough that you shouldn't put off experiencing what is great about being young and unattached.

[bradh]

I'd call your parents bluff, it's an empty threat I bet.

[betts]

Frontline Church appears to have a bunch of young members.

[bchris02]

Your family won't visit you if you live downtown???? WTF? WHY???

That is insane.

You're not going to find something suburban and single friendly. And if crime is your family's concern, Downtown and Midtown are safer than most of the close-in neighborhoods are.

You need to do what is best for you. You're still young but you're old enough that you shouldn't put off experiencing what is great about being young and unattached.

I agree with all these points.

My parents are stuck in an 80s mindset that downtown = crime and there really isn't anything I can do or show them to change that. It isn't that abnormal of a mindset for somebody who came of age during that era. Downtown Charlotte is much more revitalized than downtown OKC currently is and doesn't feel unsafe at all, but they wouldn't even set foot there.

I also agree that I am still young but the clock is ticking. I don't have as much time to waste as I did at 21 or 22. That kind of has me depressed about this entire thing and having done pretty much nothing this past year other than work. I left an awesome life and group of friends, and terrible job in Charlotte for a great job here but no life after I clock out. My lease where I live now runs out next June, but that's almost another year away.

[bradh]

What industry do you work in? There's got to be a professional organization you can join to meet some people.

[betts]

If your parents won't visit you downtown, you can just visit them. If they won't come downtown it doesn't mean you can't see them. I have the reverse problem. My kids don't particularly like to come back to OKC to visit, so I go visit them. See if you can sublet your apartment.

If you don't particularly like sports, see if there's a kickball league in town. Those are usually co-Ed and mostly social. Take an evening class at one of the colleges or vo-tech schools in something interesting and unrelated to your career. I met my husband at one of those and made a close friend by taking another. Join everything you can find to join and go. Volunteer for everything you can find. I think ULI has a young professionals group - join that.

[adaniel]

That is really unfortunate that your parents are like that. My own parents were quite concerned when I told them I was moving to midtown. But they trusted my judgement that I would not put my own personal safety in jeopardy. Maybe you should discuss this fact with them. After a few visits my parents actually love my area.

I am with soonerguru on this. Your life, your decisions. If they want you to live outside of where you want to live then they can pay your rent. If they are too petrified to visit you, then they can stay at a hotel off Memorial and you can meet them wherever. Just like you said, you are not getting any younger and time's a tickin. It would be a tragedy for you to limit yourself because your parents have an outdated hangup. Just my 0.02.

Also, stlokc posted a very good response and I hope you read it. Moving to downtown or nearby means that you have much better access to certain things that younger people frequent, but it will be up to you to do the heavy lifting of actually getting yourself involved.

[Bunty]

The experience bchris had with his family re: avoiding the inner city is common. In the past, my wife and I have attended parties/social functions in Edmond. When we shared the fact we lived in the inner city, there was a common look of horrifying shock. Based upon the subsequent discussion, it's my belief many suburbanites believe spouse and I are engaged in running gun battles with gangs, drug dealers and other assorted "bad guys" each time we leave the house.

But aren't at least homeless people begging for money a big nuisance, though? I hear they're getting more aggressive and don't like taking no for an answer.

[kevinpate]

But aren't at least homeless people begging for money a big nuisance, though? I hear they're getting more aggressive and don't like taking no for an answer.

I am not in the city a lot, but when I am I haven't noticed an uptick in panhandlers being insistent. I am seeing more instances in Norman overall than I did in the past, primarily at the convenience store/bus station and the newer, larger pump number gas stations, e.g., newer 7/11s, OnCue. Not aggressive, but also not shy of going pump to pump to pump.

It's been a long time since anyone gave me any attitude for a respectful no.

[bradh]

No, they just make up some BS story about beating cancer and being on the streets. It's actually pretty bad walking back to your cars or place of residence in midtown. They kinda stalk you.

[CuatrodeMayo]

But aren't at least homeless people begging for money a big nuisance, though? I hear they're getting more aggressive and don't like taking no for an answer.

Give a firm "no" and keep walking. They will move on and find a more receptive target. I live, work, and recreate in the inner city and I 've never had a problem.

[betts]

The difference in point of view is interesting. My son was living in Norman and I talked him into moving to Midtown. It was pretty fun/ny bumping into him as we were both walking between Auto Alley and Midtown. It's kind of like a small town. I haven't encountered panhandlers anywhere but if they're becoming a problem in Midtown let Meg Salyer know.

[CuatrodeMayo]

My parents are stuck in an 80s mindset that downtown = crime and there really isn't anything I can do or show them to change that. It isn't that abnormal of a mindset for somebody who came of age during that era. Downtown Charlotte is much more revitalized than downtown OKC currently is and doesn't feel unsafe at all, but they wouldn't even set foot there.

Honestly, in my experience, that attitude is surprisingly common among those that have lived in the metro for more than 20 years.

My wife and I are raising our family in the inner-city. I have friends who are doing the same whose parents are long-time residents of the burbs. We have been the recipients of subtle and not-so-subtle hints about our choice of neighborhood.

[kevinpate]

bchris, my lovely has a friend who alternates being in worship groups at Lifechurch NW and Lifechurch south. The NW LC is at 5821 NW Expressway which by the street number would put it a bit east of the NW Expressway and N MacArthur Blvd. intersection. Her understanding is LC appeals to a lot of younger singles. Never been there, so I can't confirm or deny.

As for your folks, I get it. Mine didn't like to come to Norman. We often met them in OKC when they came to OKC, and sometimes I wouldn't even know they were coming until they were in OKC. They'd come in for some mtg. or another, decide to not drive back to se ok, and tell us to come on up and have dinner and visit and get in some grandbaby time. I sometimes thought they had convinced themselves our Norman roads were chock full of bratty sloshed college drivers. The reality though is if we went to OKC, Pops could call it a night when he was tired and wouldn't need to drive afterwards. He wasn't really a mondo night driver anyway, so it was all good. When we could stay, he was prone to add a room to his tab, and Mama could grandbaby her heart out as late as she wanted.

Back to meeting people. You have to get out. If doing so isn't as natural as breathing, that's a tall order for you. Sports, Arts, Music, anything that puts you with others, preferably interacting and not alone in a room of 40 strangers. Been there, done that, though long, long ago now.

[bradh]

Honestly, in my experience, that attitude is surprisingly common among those that have lived in the metro for more than 20 years.

My wife and I are raising our family in the inner-city. I have friends who are doing the same whose parents are long-time residents of the burbs. We have been the recipients of subtle and not-so-subtle hints about our choice of neighborhood.

This is exactly right. My wife and I have lived here for 5 years, and while we live up near where bchris lives, we take advantage of everything all areas of the city has to offer. We enjoyed PremiereOKC on Friday.

Our neighbors, same age as us (early 30s), grew up in Edmond and the PC North area, and don't give a rats ass about anything south of 63rd. They've never enjoyed any of the new restaurants or bars in midtown/downtown other than McNellie's.

[soonerguru]

This is exactly right. My wife and I have lived here for 5 years, and while we live up near where bchris lives, we take advantage of everything all areas of the city has to offer. We enjoyed PremiereOKC on Friday.

Our neighbors, same age as us (early 30s), grew up in Edmond and the PC North area, and don't give a rats ass about anything south of 63rd. They've never enjoyed any of the new restaurants or bars in midtown/downtown other than McNellie's.

Reading this explains a lot about some of Oklahomans' general backwardness, insularity, and basic lack of curiosity about the world.

Thank God we at least have an alternative to that now, one that is growing and improving. Without it, our city would wither on the vine.

Cities need to be competitive, and the total suburban model is not popular with Gen Y. Again, thanks to our citizens and leaders for having the foresight to create an urban alternative.

[soonerguru]

I agree with all these points.

My parents are stuck in an 80s mindset that downtown = crime and there really isn't anything I can do or show them to change that. It isn't that abnormal of a mindset for somebody who came of age during that era. Downtown Charlotte is much more revitalized than downtown OKC currently is and doesn't feel unsafe at all, but they wouldn't even set foot there.

I also agree that I am still young but the clock is ticking. I don't have as much time to waste as I did at 21 or 22. That kind of has me depressed about this entire thing and having done pretty much nothing this past year other than work. I left an awesome life and group of friends, and terrible job in Charlotte for a great job here but no life after I clock out. My lease where I live now runs out next June, but that's almost another year away.

Is there any way to get out of your lease? If so, what would be the penalty? If you're in a corporate apartment community, does the community have a downtown location, such as Legacy? Just wondering about your options.

[bchris02]

Is there any way to get out of your lease? If so, what would be the penalty? If you're in a corporate apartment community, does the community have a downtown location, such as Legacy? Just wondering about your options.

There is no way out of my lease. I didn't think though about transferring complexes. The closest to downtown apartment the company has is at 30th and Villa, just north of Shepherd Mall. Even that may not be possible and I am not sure whether that is a safe area or not.

[soonerguru]

There is no way out of my lease. I didn't think though about transferring complexes. The closest to downtown apartment the company has is at 30th and Villa, just north of Shepherd Mall. Even that may not be possible and I am not sure whether that is a safe area or not.

It's a decent area but there's not much more there that would improve your social outlets, IMO. I think the apartment is called Copperfield. There are probably lots of OCU students there for what it's worth.

Another idea: what if you ask your apt. manager if you can switch to month to month until they get it leased? They may actually like this option because they may be able to get a higher rent with a new tenant.

[bchris02]

It's a decent area but there's not much more there that would improve your social outlets, IMO. I think the apartment is called Copperfield. There are probably lots of OCU students there for what it's worth.

Another idea: what if you ask your apt. manager if you can switch to month to month until they get it leased? They may actually like this option because they may be able to get a higher rent with a new tenant.

Sorry, that's not an option. I am unable to switch my lease to month to month. I asked them about that when I moved in because at the time I was considering going back to Charlotte. Moving downtown just isn't going to work for me right now. And about Copperfield, even though it's not in a walkable neighborhood, it at least is close enough to downtown and 23rd that I would have a lot easier access to things younger people will be doing vs everything being family oriented where I'm at now. But once again, moving downtown isn't an option until at lead next June.

[betts]

I must have ESPN!

Oklahoma Gazette SPORTS: Kickball is serious play

[adaniel]

Sorry, that's not an option. I am unable to switch my lease to month to month. I asked them about that when I moved in because at the time I was considering going back to Charlotte. Moving downtown just isn't going to work for me right now. And about Copperfield, even though it's not in a walkable neighborhood, it at least is close enough to downtown and 23rd that I would have a lot easier access to things younger people will be doing vs everything being family oriented where I'm at now. But once again, moving downtown isn't an option until at lead next June.

An apartment lease is not as near as ironclad as you think. There are many ways to get out of it, although none of them cheap. My suggestion would be to sublet out your unit. Make sure you read your lease to make sure this is okay (it usually is), but you may have to offer a discounted rent and pay the difference out of your pocket to entice someone. Also you would have to trust them to not tear up the place since you are technically liable. Even still its cheaper than paying the fee associated to break a lease.

Honestly, in my experience, that attitude is surprisingly common among those that have lived in the metro for more than 20 years.

My wife and I are raising our family in the inner-city. I have friends who are doing the same whose parents are long-time residents of the burbs. We have been the recipients of subtle and not-so-subtle hints about our choice of neighborhood.

Some people are such nosy busybodies who cannot handle when someone deviates even slightly compared to their dull white bread lifestyle. If they weren't talking about your decision to living in-town, then they talk bad about your career choice, clothing, hair, or whatever else is GASP different from them.

Reading this explains a lot about some of Oklahomans' general backwardness, insularity, and basic lack of curiosity about the world.

Thank God we at least have an alternative to that now, one that is growing and improving. Without it, our city would wither on the vine.

Cities need to be competitive, and the total suburban model is not popular with Gen Y. Again, thanks to our citizens and leaders for having the foresight to create an urban alternative.

I sadly agree and work with a lot of people like this. Even now, too many people in OKC have a bad habit of trenching themselves in their suburban bubble after a certain age never to be heard from again. Its not so much these people never go downtown, but they don't even go out at all. Frankly if that's their choice, so be it. But a lot of these folks don't even realize they have an option. For too long it was once you hit adulthood in OK, either move to the burbs and start popping out your 2.4 kids or move away. It is fantastic that we now have more options in the way people want to live their lives, but it's going to take a while for the entire local populace to realize it. Its getting better though.