Women and Love

[Leon]

Mariner, even that stepping back is hard, but that IS what I'm trying right now.

[Jay]

Leon, I have been through this before, she is using you as a lifeline. If she truly wanted you in her life she be talking to you and not playing games.

Beat her to the punch, break it off and move on. The train is coming down the tracks at a high rate of speed. The brakes are out and there is no stopping it now. Save some face, get as far from the tracks as you can. It's time move on with your life.

Sure it will be painful in the beginning but, you will survive.

[Leon]

I know you're right oklacity. If I do it first, i'm the power, and I save face. On the flip, I'd have to settle for less later and I could be wrong.

U R still right but I gotta wait a little longer. Not doing it and taking the extra pain is more acceptable than doing it and being wrong, enven though allindications say I'd be right, I don't know.

[osupa05]

Leon: How do you know that she's worth it? I don't know that the extra pain is more acceptable. There's that old saying (aj's paraphrase): "The only guy worth crying over is the one that won't make you cry." I think the same holds true on the flip side... I mean I know that we tend to hurt those we love the most.. so I don't think you will ever not "cry" in a relationship, but if you keep on hanging on, then what? I know she hasn't said "it's over", so maybe you should cut her loose... see if she comes back later, but find something else (and maybe someone else). Of course you should take all this with a grain of salt, because I'm struggling with my own relationship... I guess that's why I'm telling you to let her go.. because that's what I want this guy to do... just forget about me. Anyways, good luck with it all... sorry for buttin' in! Take care...

ps. If you all have any good ideas on how to know whether or not somebody is the right one, let me know! I'm scared to death to make a mistake...

[osupa05]

Oh btw... church is a good place to gain new perspectives on things... and today was all about changing your perspective! So, my challenge to you guys (and to myself) is to see the good through the bad and focus on the positive! I know it sounds corny... trust me it sounded much less corny in the service! I'm no preacher, and I'm definitely not a saint, but it's something to think about and work on... It's good to know that you guys struggle too (not that I want you too struggle. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one). Ciao

[Leon]

Not to harp on church or anything but I used to go religiously, no pun intended, every Wednesday and twice on Sunday, I maintained the buses for the bus ministry, I mass duplicated and sold recorded cassettes of sermons, all profits were given to the church...for 4 years. Then I missed three Sundays and the two Wednesdays in between due to an extended camping trip. I returned to learn that no one missed me. I guarantee that if my tithes had been as large as those of some others, someone would've check on my well-being at least.

Osupa nothing personal against you but against religious establishments....I know I'd never go missing for two solid weeks without at least one secular friend checking on me.

[Curt]

Leon: How do you know that she's worth it? I don't know that the extra pain is more acceptable. There's that old saying (aj's paraphrase): "The only guy worth crying over is the one that won't make you cry." I think the same holds true on the flip side... I mean I know that we tend to hurt those we love the most.. so I don't think you will ever not "cry" in a relationship, but if you keep on hanging on, then what? I know she hasn't said "it's over", so maybe you should cut her loose... see if she comes back later, but find something else (and maybe someone else). Of course you should take all this with a grain of salt, because I'm struggling with my own relationship... I guess that's why I'm telling you to let her go.. because that's what I want this guy to do... just forget about me. Anyways, good luck with it all... sorry for buttin' in! Take care...

ps. If you all have any good ideas on how to know whether or not somebody is the right one, let me know! I'm scared to death to make a mistake...

Can I ask you why you want this guy to forget about you? dont take this wrong, but women have a way of leading us guys on, then dumping us and want us to just forget, that is what happend to my last two relationships, was lead on heavily, them telling me they loved me and missed me, then out of the "blue clear sky" dumped me. Anyone who has a heart and that cares about another human being cannot just up and forget. Women can do that easily, guys usually cant do that. Nothing against women, I am just saying, women can loose feelings in a day and go find another, guys cant because women hold the ball, and play the game to watch us struggle, then go to your friends and tell them how you have this guy wrapped around your finger. Osupa05, you have not butted in at all, it is good to hear from another women and her views. True, every one gets burned, but I still believe women play games more than men. I know a few guys that cheat on their significant other, but I know a whole lot more women that do. As far as knowing when you find the right one goes? I cant even get it right, but I guess ya just know somehow.

[osupa05]

I guess ya just know somehow.

I guess that's it. I always just thought that I would know. Now, I'm not so sure! I posted something about this guy, and my relationship with him on the boardroom to bedroom site. There's alot of background stuff about our relationship, but I won't bore you with the details. I guess the main thing is that there are certain things that I'm not sure if I'm just supposed to look over or if my having doubts about them means that it's not meant to be. I always thought that I would be easy to forget.. not that I think that I'm not special. I guess I just know that there are tons of fish in the sea so to speak... so why wouldn't he be just as happy, if not happier with someone else. I know that deep down I'm scared to commit to someone... because when I do, he's stuck with me. And honestly, I have a list... I'm beginning to think that there's nobody out there who comes close to my list... so, do I let myself fall for this guy because he promises that he will take care of me? I'm not trying to lead him on... He knows that I like him, that I'm attracted to him. He also knows what I believe, and what I want out of life. I've also told him that I'm scared about everything... about falling in love, about making a commitment, and I asked him for time. The only thing he said to me was "I understand". So, now, I'm taking some time. Just hanging out, concentrating on school. Yes, Mariner, I agree that women play more games than men. I don't know why, and I don't know if it will ever change. All I can say is that I'm sorry... and strive not to play them.

Leon, I hear ya.. I'm not a big fan of religon... I don't know a soul at the church I go to, so no one would miss me either... but that stinks that noone said anything to you... The only thing I can say is for myself...when I don't go, I miss it. Church is actually one of the things seems to always be an "issue" between the me and the guys that I've dated! But, that's a whole other story! Take care guys... I'm going to go play some softball...

[kschopfer]

Maybe if some people looked at it this way:
A new Love a new chance, start from scratch. We are given a chance to make it a fresh start and a new chance to Love someone even more than we did the last time.
That is what new love is for. To give us hope that there is honest loving people in this world and that there really is a chance to meet that sole mate or one person you've been looking for all your life. Because you take with you from the last relationship "whether good or bad", You take all the wonderful things you are capable of contributing to the new relationship. That only you know and the last person you shared it with, how great it can be. I am a firm believer in God. And God puts love in our hearts souls and mind to be fulfilled. You can't give up hope.
Believe me I've been through those tough times where I did not want to love again. But I know we would not be alive and well without it.
So, I'm telling you open you heart. It is the only way to get over what bad you feel, and forgive that person and Move on. When you hold back your heart, it only breaks others the way you've been broken. So, think about it. There should be more love in this world.

[Leon]

Osupa, women play more games because they know that whatever happens, they need only to set foot inside a nightclub to have another man. Men put more work into relationships than women do because they can never tell when the next one will come along.....next week, next month, next year....or longer.

Me, I'm going to remain single until I find another new best friend who happens to be female. Then I'll risk that friendship for a kiss. That means no serious dates with anyone right off the bat.

[Curt]

Osupa, women play more games because they know that whatever happens, they need only to set foot inside a nightclub to have another man. Men put more work into relationships than women do because they can never tell when the next one will come along.....next week, next month, next year....or longer.

Me, I'm going to remain single until I find another new best friend who happens to be female. Then I'll risk that friendship for a kiss. That means no serious dates with anyone right off the bat.

Amen my brother. No offense ladies, but you have no idea what we guys have to go through to get a woman, you women dont have to do a thing, just walk in a bar and you'll walk out with a guy, if you want to. Guys dont have it that easy.

[Leon]

It's a good thing too Mariner....we'd walk out with a different one each night and NEVER make a commitment

[Curt]

It's a good thing too Mariner....we'd walk out with a different one each night and NEVER make a commitment

Leon, I tried the commitment things before, the women did not want that. I just want the freinds with benefits thing for now with any woman.

[Jay]

I ain't much on Casanova Me and Romeo ain't never been friends.....

anyway...... I think the secret of dating is taking a light hearted approach. I know many guys that are just like the women you guys are speaking of (they seem to find romance with ease). The reason why is because thier not thinking of landing the girl thier dating as a significant other. They flirt and show their date a good time and move on if things do not appear to be progressing. If you know how to read people you can tell if someone likes you or not without saying a word.

You have to keep in mind you can't make someone love you. When you find out your feelings are not the same as thiers it's time to move on. All the wishing, hoping, preying, begging and pleading will not make them love you. It will just make them uncomfortable and possible hate you.

Stop taking this dating thing so seriously. Break out some charm, learn to flirt (don't be the touchy feely flirt) and change your outlook on life to the positive. You have to have the attitude of nothing will bring you down.

[osupa05]

Leon:

That sounds good! I like the idea of best friends, and always said that I would marry my best guy friend. That's probably why I haven't had a serious relationship since the last time I did that (not "marry my best friend", but be friends for a long time before we dated)! I'm not all about "having" another man, especially one I find at a nightclub, but I have been too much in a hurry to have a relationship to be friends first. I'm working on that though! In fact, both this guy and I have backed off... and we are concentrating on the friends part of the relationsip. Don't give up; she's out there, right? There's lots of fish just swimming around waiting to be "hooked"!

I have a question... Is it true that if I'm looking for my "night in shining armor" then I'm going to be severly disappointed. Or, do you guys still believe in being someone's knight in shining armor?

[Curt]

I have a question... Is it true that if I'm looking for my "night in shining armor" then I'm going to be severly disappointed. Or, do you guys still believe in being someone's knight in shining armor?

I tried being the knight in shining armour to the last three women, did not work. They claimed I was being too clingy, so I wont try that again. From now on, they have to chase me. Look, I would give a woman the world on a silver platter, and they knew it, did'nt work. I am a good catch, their loss.

[mranderson]

"You have to keep in mind you can't make someone love you. When you find out your feelings are not the same as thiers it's time to move on. All the wishing, hoping, preying, begging and pleading will not make them love you. It will just make them uncomfortable and possible hate you."

Granted. the above statement is true. However, the person you are dumping deserves to know a TRUTHFUL reason why you are dumping them. And none of this "I felt chemistry with him/her," or "I really don't know what it was." Yes you do. There is ALWAYS a reason. Plus, what is this "Chemistry" anyway. It does not exist.


If the person made some mistakes, like said things that turned you off, then tell them. If you wanted something from them they did not do or say, tell them. They may be one of the people that does not have as much dating experience as you, and may need to be taught what to expect.


Here is an example. I know a guy who spent more than ten years without a date due to having been told "no" so many times he got tired of hearing it, so he gave up. Then, he decided to try again. Things in the dating world had changed dramatically. He had never been told if his conduct was too passive or if he was saying things that turned women off. If he was, his intentions were wonderful, however, he did not know because none of them would tell him. They were affraid they would "hurt him." What they failed to think about was how much more it hurt not to be told why the women wanted to end it.

This same guy recently met a woman he thought was very close to perfect for him. They went out three times, then she blind sides him by avoiding him, making him think she wanted to continue to see him, then after he kept asking her enough times, she dumped him without expanation. He had another woman waiting, however, will he do the same things? He may. How will he know if he is doing things wrong? He will not.


The moral is simple. People. You are not only a person that interests the other. You are also a teacher. It is not the dumpee's responsibility to ask you if you want to continue to see them. It is YOUR responsibility to tell THEM. Talk to them about it. Maybe they do not realize they are doing or not doing something. Be truthful. Chances are it is not looks, but possibly you want hand holding and they are timid and do not know HOW to read your signal as to what you want. Maybe they said something that turned you off and they did not know it. Maybe it is just that you and the new person have more in common. Tell them and tell them what it is. Above all, do not lie. Tell them the truth. It will hurt anyway, however, it will hurt more if you do not tell them why... And do not do it on the internet, by mail, or by telephone. DO IT IN PERSON! In addition to my friend, it could be someone that had been married for many years and was divorced or widowed and has forgotten how to date.


You will have done that person a service and will have helped someone. I bet that would be a much better feeling than just dumping them with excuses or saying nothing at all.

[Curt]

Mr. Anderson, you are so right. I hate the lame excuses people give when they dump someone, like your friend, I am scared now to ever date another woman and let her know my feelings, so I cant let them show anymore. Women want a nice guy, a knight in shining armour, but when they get that, they **** on us, so no more.

[osupa05]

Well, speaking from experience about the only serious relationship that I've ever had... I don't know that I would necessarily know a "knight in shining armor" if he rode up on a beautiful white horse! I learned alot of things in from that experience, so I hope that I will recognize a knight in shining armor (and in fact, I've noticed that some of my guy friends are noble knights... just not "my" knight) when he finally shows up! What I learned from dating him... and it was after the fact, mind you, was that the way he showed that he cared was not a way that I recognized. It's all about communication... and looking back, he showed me how much he cared in lots of ways, but I was always frustrated thinking that he didn't care, because he didn't show it the way I thought it was supposed to be. I know there's a book on it... something about love languages. I should probably invest in it, but I'm in school right now... so not much time. I guess my point is this... maybe you guys showed how much you cared in ways that she didn't recognize... and maybe, like me, she got frustrated thinking that you didn't care (or cared too much)... but she couldn't see the forest for the trees. And, she maybe didn't know how to express why she felt that way... I'm like that... I don't often know how to put into words how I feel.... my tounge gets all twisted and the only thing that ever comes out is frustration... and needless to say... I'm single! Haha! Oh well, I'm working on it! So, don't give up... your princess is out there! You've just got to slay the dragon first!

[Curt]

osupa, I understand what your saying that maybe my past few girlfriends thought I cared too much, and I have to admit I probably smotherd them with it, but I like to show my feelings, I guess I just go overboard, so as much as I have bitched about relationships, alot of my problems are my own fault. I' like you, when I get frustrated say the wrong things and end up losing someone. I know my princess is out there, so is your Knight, how do you know it is not maybe Leon, or me, haha. KIDDING, ok. I am too far away.

[osupa05]

haha.. yeah.. who knows! But your princess will love to be smothered! So don't turn into a stone!

[Curt]

haha.. yeah.. who knows! But your princess will love to be smothered! So don't turn into a stone!

I wont turn into a stone, lol.

[Leon]

Where are you all?

[Curt]

As for myself Leon, I am near Detroit, Michigan. Cant speak for osupa, but she is a cutie

[Leon]

Cutie, huh?