Should there be a hiatus after a break up?

[Intrepid]

Sounds like she is in a mid life crisis. Intrepid, when you left your first wife, how did you want to be treated by her? That is probably the way your new wife wants to be treated by you now. As harsh as that sounds. I think most people leaving don't want to be reminded of the hurt they are causing another person. Right now you will hurt and feel so horrible but you have to keep reminding yourself that it will pass and every time you cry or hurt you are getting one step further along in the grief process. Look at Leon, he is feeling much better when a short while ago he was really sad. Give it time and know that it will get better and you will feel better. Just take one day at a time and get through it the best way you know while surrounding yourself with loved ones and friends. Today's a great day to get out and walk the dog ( or buy a dog) just to get out and go see the boat races and check out all the little hotties in Bricktown :-) I hope you feel better soon!

Thanks for the words on encouragement Karried. I do appreciate them.

BTW, I've never been married before this, so I think you might have me confused with someone else. =)

[Karried]

Intrepid, sorry I thought you had been married before... then this might be all new to you? That is tough because if you haven't experienced a real heartache breakup you might not realize that you will feel better soon because you can't draw on previous experiences. Believe me (from someone who has gone through this a few times) and a lot of people who have been through this, you will feel better and you will love again and it will be better than before because you have learned so much from this. (You never know - you might work it out and be stronger than ever - just give her some time)

I always think people going through this should focus on becoming the best 'new' mate possible - make yourself irresistable to her...read, join a club, go out with friends, take some classes, workout, get in shape, get a tan, a new hairstyle, whiten your teeth :-) whatever it takes to make yourself feel more attractive- that confidence is much more attractive that the attitude of 'I'm so depressed and hurt" she will notice you are trying to improve yourself and see that you do have a lot to offer and that you are serious about winning her back.

Anyway, hang tight Intrepid - were you able to get a copy of the book from Ebay? A great resource, the library might have it - that's another place to head to when you need to get out of the house.

[Intrepid]

Intrepid, sorry I thought you had been married before... then this might be all new to you? That is tough because if you haven't experienced a real heartache breakup you might not realize that you will feel better soon because you can't draw on previous experiences. Believe me (from someone who has gone through this a few times) and a lot of people who have been through this, you will feel better and you will love again and it will be better than before because you have learned so much from this. (You never know - you might work it out and be stronger than ever - just give her some time)

I always think people going through this should focus on becoming the best 'new' mate possible - make yourself irresistable to her...read, join a club, go out with friends, take some classes, workout, get in shape, get a tan, a new hairstyle, whiten your teeth :-) whatever it takes to make yourself feel more attractive- that confidence is much more attractive that the attitude of 'I'm so depressed and hurt" she will notice you are trying to improve yourself and see that you do have a lot to offer and that you are serious about winning her back.

Anyway, hang tight Intrepid - were you able to get a copy of the book from Ebay? A great resource, the library might have it - that's another place to head to when you need to get out of the house.

Thanks Karried. I am definitely trying. I think one of the hardest things to get used to is being alone. I don't have many close friends and those that I am close to have their own lives, so they aren't available as often as I'd like.

I need to get into some sort of routine, but that's hard as well. Right now, all I want to do is just sit and do nothing, which I know is not the best thing.

I did find that book at the Library in Moore, and did place it on hold, but I haven't picked it up. I'm going to do that this week.

[Karried]

Intrepid, You Don't have to get used to being alone. This is a temporary situation that you are in and even if you don't end up with this particular person, you found love before and you will again. You are not sentenced to a life alone - there are many, many people out there who need You! You have so much to offer to someone - you are not ready yet, but in a short while you will be ready to open your heart again and make someone elses dreams come true. It's just all out there waiting for you! Trust in that!

Approach this as a challenge - a challenge to be the best person you can be - if you need to sit and do nothing and you still feel alright, then that's okay, but from my past experiences, I recommend getting out and about, it's a beautiful day and you can try to find some pleasure in going out or downtown or to the lake...just get out of the house...

I know it's hard right now. It will get so much better and you won't even believe that you felt like this - trust that you will feel better and think how much you will appreciate life when you do and soon you will find that someone special and be able to offer so much. Get through this time, and heal, slowly but surely.... you know we are thinking of you on this board and wishing you all the best.

[Intrepid]

Intrepid, You Don't have to get used to being alone. This is a temporary situation that you are in and even if you don't end up with this particular person, you found love before and you will again. You are not sentenced to a life alone - there are many, many people out there who need You! You have so much to offer to someone - you are not ready yet, but in a short while you will be ready to open your heart again and make someone elses dreams come true. It's just all out there waiting for you! Trust in that!

Approach this as a challenge - a challenge to be the best person you can be - if you need to sit and do nothing and you still feel alright, then that's okay, but from my past experiences, I recommend getting out and about, it's a beautiful day and you can try to find some pleasure in going out or downtown or to the lake...just get out of the house...

I know it's hard right now. It will get so much better and you won't even believe that you felt like this - trust that you will feel better and think how much you will appreciate life when you do and soon you will find that someone special and be able to offer so much. Get through this time, and heal, slowly but surely.... you know we are thinking of you on this board and wishing you all the best.

Thank you all so much for the support. I am also thankful for this "sounding board". It has helped to "talk" with other people who have been there.

[Leon]

No kidding, Intrepid! I don't know a soul here but most have been supportive.

I thank them all

[Intrepid]

Intrepid, sorry I thought you had been married before... then this might be all new to you? That is tough because if you haven't experienced a real heartache breakup you might not realize that you will feel better soon because you can't draw on previous experiences. Believe me (from someone who has gone through this a few times) and a lot of people who have been through this, you will feel better and you will love again and it will be better than before because you have learned so much from this. (You never know - you might work it out and be stronger than ever - just give her some time)

I always think people going through this should focus on becoming the best 'new' mate possible - make yourself irresistable to her...read, join a club, go out with friends, take some classes, workout, get in shape, get a tan, a new hairstyle, whiten your teeth :-) whatever it takes to make yourself feel more attractive- that confidence is much more attractive that the attitude of 'I'm so depressed and hurt" she will notice you are trying to improve yourself and see that you do have a lot to offer and that you are serious about winning her back.

Anyway, hang tight Intrepid - were you able to get a copy of the book from Ebay? A great resource, the library might have it - that's another place to head to when you need to get out of the house.

I got that book today from the library. I'll start reading it today/tonight. I'll let everyone know my thoughts on it.

[Intrepid]

I got that book today from the library. I'll start reading it today/tonight. I'll let everyone know my thoughts on it.

Well, I read the book. Some good ideas, some not so good ideas.

There was one part of the book that basically said that if you're seeking professional help, then this book isn't for you and that you basically are wasting your money. I was kind of taken back after reading that, but it was only one or two lines, so I gave the book another chance.

It does give some good advice about keeping yourself busy, excercising, etc, but overall, I felt the book hasn't really helped me. I think that if you have been diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety, you'll get better help with a counselor and/or psychiatrist (but don't tell Tom Cruise!)

So, the bottom line is that the book hasn't done much for me, but that doesn't mean it won't work for anyone else. Everyone's situation is different.

For those who have communicated with me in the past, I'm doing better. It's definitely going to a divorce now, so that's kinda rough, but I'll get through it eventually.

Thanks,
Brian