Turning 30

[MadMonk]

Just a quick comment: my 30's were way better than my 20's.

I bet your best years are still ahead of you.

LOL, I was going to post this, but you beat me to it.

[milkmandude]

Life is better with good friends.

I've never really shared personal details about my life on OKCTalk and I'll spare you from having to be the first to read it, but I will say that cutting crappy people out of my life was one of the absolute best things I ever did.

^

The grass is ALWAYS greener! I just turned 30 in November and dreaded it for over a year. I, on the other hand am a little opposite of you so I don't know if it'll help or not. I am married, have three kids and just bought my first house last year. On the flip side I worried too much I DIDN'T spend enough "me time" prior to the milestone age. I also agree that 29 was worse than 30, maybe due to the mental preparing? My only relatable issue is the health, I did not expect to "feel" it quite this age. It's like that saying that goes something like "I'm too young for this to already be happening and/or getting too old to be doing this stuff anymore." that is so true at this age.

[BG918]

I turned 30 last year. Doing so had me reevaluating my life goals and what I'm doing to make those happen. I am married with a young child and another on the way. Bought my second home last year (I sold the first 3 years ago and rented in between). Health is good but realized I needed to eat better and workout more which has been an ongoing battle.

Professionally I have worked for two large companies since graduating from college 8 years ago, about the same amount of time at both. I have learned a lot and moved up to a managerial role but realized I wasn't getting any closer to realizing a dream to own my design-build development firm by working on large projects instead of smaller ones. So I spent most of last year reaching out to those small companies I admire seeking a job learning the ropes. I start at one next month which will be a huge change but something I'm excited about.

My advice for anyone especially at our age is to travel as much as possible. I know it can be expensive and getting time off from work is hard but I can't stress how important it is for better understanding yourself and the world around you.

[Uptowner]

Travel is important. Even if it's a road trip to Carlsbad with a stop in Roswell for an alien shaped coffee mug.

I think I would be least concerned with real estate. I watched all my friends get their houses taken away during the crisis. Heartbreaking. Wait until you can really afford it. I bought in the paseo last year. My first. And it's a $1200/ft piece of junk lol. But I'm light hearted about. It's just an old ass house. And the location is perfect. But seriously when my neighbor shuts his car door or someone drives by with a bad exhaust system, all the windows rattle. And nobody told me the streets 1 block removed from 23rd are the "Ridin' dirty" streets.

[ctchandler]

Well, when I turned 30, my wife and I didn't realize it. I didn't know till I got to work and looked at my calendar and my wife discovered it sometime during the day as well. The previous year she bought me a bottle of scotch, but because she/we forgot, she picked up a six pack of tall boys. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly traumatic for me. My best man's (he is two years older than me) wife told me that he was really down for about six months after turning 30. I'm one of the "birthdays are for kids" type people, never had black balloons in my office even though I turned 30, 40, 50, and 60 with the same company. Now I'm 72 and 70 was just another number/day. Very few people other than my mother and my late wife gave me a card/gift.
C. T.

[Bill Robertson]

I was a kid near the end of the hippie movement but really got into everything they stood for some time. One of those ideals was that everyone over 30 was "bad". Or in another way, life is over at 30. At least that's the way I looked at it. I raced road bicycles in my teens and twenties. I actually quit at 30 because I had to be done, right? Imagine my surprise when things got BETTER in my early 30s. I even got back into racing and was more competitive in my 30s than ever. My 40s were even BETTER. I proved to myself that in my 40s I could still do anything I could do in my 20s or 30s. Now, in my late 50s I'm finally finding my body telling me I need to slow down. Things hurt s lot more and for a lot longer than they used to. But in your 30s you have a long time before that happens.

[TheTravellers]

If I may ask - what happened that put moving to Seattle in the regret category?

The main thing is that it ended up in us moving back to OKC, which I never, ever, ever, ever wanted to do after I left in 1995 (bad live music/theater scene, retail sucked, all the conservatism, etc.).

Moved out of OKC in 1995 to Milwaukee for a year, then to Chicagoland, stayed there about 10 years, got tired of the cold, so decided to leave. Found a job in Seattle, then when we got there, we realized the cost-of-living data on the websites we had been using was way out of date (8-9 months out of date, I believe), and we couldn't really afford to live like we wanted to there. Wife couldn't find a copy editing job (one of the newspapers went to online only, laying off tons of folks, right when we got there), and we were living in Puyallup/Sumner (next to complete a**holes in both places, had to call the cops twice in each place, which we had never had to do in Chicagoland or when we lived here), and I was working south of downtown Seattle, so commuting was horrific, to pile it on. Then I got laid off (2008-9-ish), couldn't find a job (UNIX sys admin/engineer) in that area, St. Louis, Phoenix, KC, or anyplace else we were thinking about moving to. Unemployment was within a month of running out, and I was contacted by a recruiter about a job here in OKC. Pretty much no choice at that point, so had to move back here. And have been annoyed/p***ed off ever since.

So basically, if we wouldn't've left Chicagoland, I wouldn't've had to move back to OKC, most likely. Seattle is a nice place to live if you have lots of money, or don't mind living in a very small place, or love driving in horrible traffic and dealing with crappy suburbs while living in a suburb and not Seattle proper.

[bradh]

30 is a cakewalk

It's 35 where the metabolism slows and you start feeling old and tired all the time. I'm 36, I'm fighting this all the time.

[White Peacock]

I didn't have much fear going into 30, probably because at the time I felt reasonably accomplished. But in a few months I'll be 35, and I've got some anxiety. I took a break from college for about a decade, and now I'm a 34 year old college junior. If I'm able to go through with my aim of earning a PhD, I'll be a student until I'm in my early 40s. The idea of being a student so long doesn't bother me, but having such a delayed achievement kind of makes it feel like a lesser achievement in a way.

I suppose I have a bit of the Impostor Syndrome; I've accomplished most of the things I've ever set as goals. I've written books, been published by a respected independent publisher, I've had an album released by an underground record label. I'm married, have a kid, own a home, have all of the experiential and material wins that a man could want (aside from excessive wealth, but there's still time!), and I still feel like I haven't done enough. But aside from that inability to sit and smell the roses that are growing right under my nose, I gotta say that my 30s are the best decade yet.

Life is what you make it, age be damned. If 30 is a problem, if 35 is a problem, or beyond, it's all in your head. Yeah, your body might be slowing down, but in your 30s your don't-give-a-f*ck is much stronger, and that tends to make you happier overall. There's typically a confidence that a 30 something carries that is completely absent in most 20 somethings. Your mileage may vary. I think my biggest anxiety is that I now need to stay alive to raise my kid and see her off into her adulthood, and I'm struggling with that old Logan's Run mindset that there's no life beyond 30, so envisioning myself aging into my 50s or beyond is difficult.

[johnnyhooper]

30 is a cakewalk

it's 35 where the metabolism slows and you start feeling old and tired all the time. I'm 36, i'm fighting this all the time.

yep

[corwin1968]

My life went downhill after I turned 30. Coincidentally, that was the first time in my life I started working full-time. Hmmmmmmmm...............

[adaniel]

^
LOL. I guess my life has been going downhill since I was 19.

Travel is important. Even if it's a road trip to Carlsbad with a stop in Roswell for an alien shaped coffee mug.

I think I would be least concerned with real estate. I watched all my friends get their houses taken away during the crisis. Heartbreaking. Wait until you can really afford it. I bought in the paseo last year. My first. And it's a $1200/ft piece of junk lol. But I'm light hearted about. It's just an old ass house. And the location is perfect. But seriously when my neighbor shuts his car door or someone drives by with a bad exhaust system, all the windows rattle. And nobody told me the streets 1 block removed from 23rd are the "Ridin' dirty" streets.

Definitely agree with the travel part. I really wanted to go to London for my birthday, but given my somewhat unstable employment situation, I am trying to be careful with money. I think I can do something stateside though, maybe take a roadtrip. On a related note, one thing I have evolved on even in my 20's is that experiences deliver much more happiness than "stuff."

I will add though, I do go back and forth on the whole real estate thing. Relationships and to a lesser extent career success is a bit out of your control but home ownership is something that is still very obtainable, at least for me. I was actually very close to buying a place in OKC, having gone so far to get pre-approved for a mortgage, and literally 3 days later a headhunter called me for my job here, and the rest was history. Looking back on it now, I was doing it for the wrong reasons. It was definitely more of a "I'm trying to be an adult" thing then any real desire to own a home. I am quite happy with renting my place and the flexibility it has given me.

Love these responses. You all have really alleviated a lot of my concerns.

[Roger S]

....I think I can do something stateside though, maybe take a roadtrip. On a related note, one thing I have evolved on even in my 20's is that experiences deliver much more happiness than "stuff."

Agreed 111% and as mentioned earlier the 9 day road trip to nowhere in particular I took was incredible.... I rented a car for 9 days with no plans or agenda other than to only go places I had never been. I stayed in cheap roadside motels, and let the day take me where it took me..... I saw 11 states in 9 days... Saw two concerts, an awesome Christmas festival in Natchitoches, LA, a civil war battlefield, the musicians hall of fame, ate some incredible food, watched a barge going up the Mississippi river and even went to Santa Claus Indiana just because I saw it on the map and even what I described here doesn't cover everything I saw and did..... I can't wait to do it again!

Edit: Forgot to mention that I did it all without ever getting on an Interstate Highway... drove two-lane highways and backroads most of the way.

[KayneMo]

I just turned 25 and discovered my first grey hair a couple of years ago! I've had a few panic and freak-out moments since being in my 20s but reading the responses relieves me as well.

[bchris02]

^
Definitely agree with the travel part. I really wanted to go to London for my birthday, but given my somewhat unstable employment situation, I am trying to be careful with money. I think I can do something stateside though, maybe take a roadtrip. On a related note, one thing I have evolved on even in my 20's is that experiences deliver much more happiness than "stuff."

Agree with this 100%. At 30, I wish I could go back and tell my 27 year old self this before I bought an expensive car that has me buried in debt and high payments, unhappy, and without extra money to spend on those experiences that really do bring happiness. But hey...bluetooth integration!! This is something our generation understands a lot better than baby boomers, who for the most part lived their lives seeking after material things to bring them happiness.

"Stuff" does bring short-term happiness but it quickly wears off. Experiences bring happiness, can be life changing, and are many times things you look back on your entire life with fondness. Like a trip to London, for example. To me, that would be more invaluable than any car, home, or entertainment center I could purchase.

[ctchandler]

I just turned 25 and discovered my first grey hair a couple of years ago! I've had a few panic and freak-out moments since being in my 20s but reading the responses relieves me as well.

KayneMo,
Don't worry, I was 19 when my white hair (not grey, white) started appearing. I inherited from my dad and grandfather and by the time I was 30, I was white headed. I had (and still do) lots of hair, but it was white. People kidded me about it but for the most part, people thought it made me look distinguished. My baby face was proof enough of my age.
C. T.

[zookeeper]

I remember worrying about age at 30. I remember worrying about it at 35. Again at 40 - and 45. I really remember 50. At 55 I started getting the AARP stuff in the mail (they don't waste a day either - it was the day AFTER my 55th birthday). I have to remember I have never been "robbed" of anything, I experienced a lot during those years. I lived my 20's, 30's, 40's and living now in my late 50's, it's just another stage in life and I honestly don't feel that much different than I did at a much younger age. You'll find that it's that way for most people as we ride the waves of our ups and downs - we ebb and flow, ride the waves (pick your metaphor). You live day-to-day and that will never change until we don't, at which time we won't know we didn't wake up yesterday. Enjoy life!

[CCOKC]

I turn 50 this year and I am turning it into the "Year of Cynthia!" I am going to the Olympics in Rio. Two of my bucket list items in one year... it was a sign from God. I am just glad to be alive and healthy and have great people around me every day. I can't ask for more than that.

[kevinpate]

30 came and went. I was closing out my first year of being a full member of the bar, working with some exceptionally bright and interesting folk, and wasn't much of a B-day sort to begin with. For that matter, turning 40 and 50 didn't suck either. The latter half of being 50 and the first quarter of being 54 weren't fun, but those months would have sucked no matter my age at the time.

[catch22]

I'm 22 and I am getting plenty of grey hair.

You're doing great!

[Urban Pioneer]

Great topic. I turned 34 in November. When I read the first post though, it caused some mixed feelings. Self pity is never an alluring introduction into a thread. But then I read down and thought about it. Honesty is a rare thing and this is a completely legitimate discussion. Is the paranoia about shifting from twenties to thirties a Millennial thing? I mean I am sure there is always a general concern about the age shift through the generations. However, I read more and more about twenty somethings having this 'mini-crisis' than ever before. Something that I thought happened to more or less happen to folks turning forty or fifty.

Personally, the most significant thing that I have noticed is that time has seemed to accelerate. The twenties seemed to be filled with nothing but time.

Now, literally I have to force myself to stop and enjoy life. It feels like if I am not working, being with my wife or son, or finishing up the streetcar project, I'm letting somebody down and not meeting my responsibilities.

Lately, I'm back in the gym lifting, boxing, swimming when I can, and trying to take Saturday or Sunday to be with the family and not think about work or political issues.

The twenties were awesome. I worked two Presidential campaigns in the field, Senate campaigns, City Council and Mayoral Campaigns. I worked for the Oklahoma Centennial Commission and constructed projects in all 77 counties of our state. I received a US Patent for a invention and launched the Streetcar System.

The great things about your twenties if your a driven individual, is that you carry a naivety that allows you to easily break through glass walls. When I was in my early twenties, this manifested itself into a unflattering cocky attitude that was only attenuated through exposure to life's challenges and failures. The personality traits eventually leveled out into a more mature aggression.

Youthful naivety can be a great and wonderful thing. It can be exercised in such a way that you achieve those goals because you see no reason not to. This should also pertain to attempting to expose yourself that all of life has to offer. To travel, to write, to have great emotional and physical relationships with people, and to love.

Naivety and invincibility have their negatives too. I have had my fair share of near-death experiences. However, since I came through them, I would't trade those for the world either.

I think some Millennials have the right idea. Vacation in your twenties. Enjoy life without physical limitations and live fiercely. You have the rest of your life to work. But take care of yourself. Take care of your body, Take care of your mental health. Don't allow hate to consume you even if that hate could somehow be justified. Forgive, move on, let negative people in your life go, and treat others well. Keep your friends and family close. Make time for them.

Take lots of pictures when your having great experiences! Keep those past life experiences real as they will buoy you in the dark times and help you stay centered and reminded that you have lived and can live onward!

I'm looking forward to the rest of my thirties. The tough lesson that I am trying to learn is not to always take the hardest road. I always seem to take the hardest roads and enjoy the abuse and punishment to getting to that glass wall and breaking through with a million shards of glass. It is so easy to get me to pursue proving someone wrong by telling me that a goal cannot be accomplished. I have to let go of that and choose my fights more wisely. Time is precious and probably our greatest gift. Relish it.

[Uptowner]

I spent my teens in the "eXtreme" nineties. Doing bmx and motor cross, snowboarding etc. But I see the kids now, parkour, wingsuits, anything sponsored by redbull and I'm like NOPE! Like the previous poster I had some near death experiences and it's left me with some bad joints. I stay active and still enjoy riding in my thirties. But I avoid the "sweet jumps" and I don't go skiing.

[bchris02]

Great topic. I turned 34 in November. When I read the first post though, it caused some mixed feelings. Self pity is never an alluring introduction into a thread. But then I read down and thought about it. Honesty is a rare thing and this is a completely legitimate discussion. Is the paranoia about shifting from twenties to thirties a Millennial thing? I mean I am sure there is always a general concern about the age shift through the generations. However, I read more and more about twenty somethings having this 'mini-crisis' than ever before. Something that I thought happened to more or less happen to folks turning forty or fifty.

It's possible. I think this applies more to Millennials who have remained single throughout their twenties and have delayed marriage, family, or career. The crisis you speak of is what is called the "Quarter-life crisis."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

In general Millennial culture, your twenties are the time for being carefree, having fun, and experiencing new things. This generation has a lot of opportunity for experiences that previous generations didn't have i.e. a lot more millennials are traveling abroad than baby boomers did in their twenties. When you shift into your thirties, you really have to start thinking about things like marriage, long term career plans, and settling down, moreso than you did in your twenties. The anxiety can really start creeping in when you see all of your friends getting married and settling down, and even worse if you are in situations where people judge you for being a certain age and not having accomplished that.

From my personal experience, my early twenties were the best time of my life with my mid twenties close behind. The second half of my twenties were not so great, with 28 and 29 being especially bad. A lot of this, for better or for worse, was because I moved back to my hometown of OKC, which was a great move career wise but in terms of branching out and having new experiences, it left me unfulfilled. Plus, after coming back here nearly everyone I knew from high school was married with kids and questioned why I wasn't, which for me began a spiral toward an inferiority complex which I am now finally crawling out of. I want to say this isn't a negative jab at OKC and can apply to everyone who grew up somewhere, moved away to a place they loved, and had to move back home for one reason or another before they were really ready. It's hard to have new, exciting experiences when you are in your hometown. Doesn't matter if its OKC, Dallas, Phoenix, etc, etc.

That brings me back to my main point. Experiences, for me, bring a lot more joy and fulfillment than things. It isn't that way for everyone. Many people's dream is to settle down at 22, get married, and have kids. If that isn't you though, you shouldn't let culture push you into that and instead chase your dream and do what you love, regardless of age.

[Urban Pioneer]

Thanks for the explanation. That all makes sense. If your point about not having new experiences for people who moved back to their hometown broadly holds true, then perhaps it is important to have a job that allows flexibility and extensive travel.

I used to do this and have friends, some of who post here, who do. That kind of freedom can really help bridge the gap.

[Urban Pioneer]

I spent my teens in the "eXtreme" nineties. Doing bmx and motor cross, snowboarding etc. But I see the kids now, parkour, wingsuits, anything sponsored by redbull and I'm like NOPE! Like the previous poster I had some near death experiences and it's left me with some bad joints. I stay active and still enjoy riding in my thirties. But I avoid the "sweet jumps" and I don't go skiing.

Surfing when traveling out west and long boarding here are about as extreme as I get these days. Big waves and the threat of drowning keep it real though. lol