Bed time a problem with your kid too?

[CMSturgeon]

Anyone have any recommendations on how to get your kid to not scream and cry when it's bed time. Our 4 year old is going through this phase lately. For some reason she thinks she can do what she wants when she wants. I thought that didn't start until they were teenages?!?

Haven't had a problem up until now, feel like I'm going to lose control and it will continue if I don't figure out the right method to handle it. Tomorrow she will be getting no t.v. and no toys and then if she is good at bed time then she can have like...... one toy back. That'll be my first try on that, hopefully it works.

It's just hard because 4 year olds dont understand that type of punishment too well. I don't know what has changed all the sudden but her behavior is unacceptable.

Anyone?

[Karried]

Sooo frustrating.. but try to remember, teaching is discipline, reward good behavior.. Punishment as a last resort.

You have to have a routine.. a bedtime routine.. try to unwind early on.. try a warm bath, no sugar, caffeine, or a lot of activity a few hours before bed time.

Brush teeth, let her pick a few books, get her warm and snuggly, she should be very relaxed after a warm bath, read a few stories until she gets sleepy.. Nightlight on.. door cracked .. remind her she is a big girl and you are so proud of her for sleeping in her own room.. and you are sleeping just down the hall where you can hear her if she needs you.

First time she gets up, put her back in bed, tell her, it's time for sleep so we can get up in the morning and have a fun day together.. think about what fun times we'll have tomorrow, think about what we can do together and tell me in the morning..

The second time she gets up, walk or carry her back to bed, without saying a word.. you might have to do it over and over.. act like a robot.. no emotion, do NOT say a word. She'll be crying, pulling out every trick in the book.. ignore it!!!

The third and fourth and fifth time.. it could go on a longgg time, keep escorting her back to bed.. do NOT say a word.. don't give her any attention.. walk away.. she'll figure out you are not going to buckle or give in .. you win.

If you lose your temper or scream or hit, she wins. It might last a loonngg time the first night but once she figures out that you are serious about this, she will get tired and go to sleep. When she awakens in the morning.. IHOP! or something special .. play date at the park or something special for being a big girl ..

Think of positive reinforcements and rewarding good behavior rather than punishment.. she might be deathly afraid of sleeping alone.. or some irrational fear.

Imagine if you had a terrifying fear and were punished for it instead of being rewarded for overcoming the fear.

Four is still little .. she wants to feel safe, secure and loved with her mommy.. she's using everything she knows to make sure you are near her. That's because you are her world and her safety net.. just try hard to be patient and keep telling yourself over and over.. the first night will be the hardest... good luck!

[Karried]

Hey there,

Just wondering how it was going with your daughter? Hopefully, you are all getting some sleep!

I've been thinking about it... it doesn't take much to lose 'control' with young kids. You might need a mini vacation yourself to recharge and be ready to deal with it!

Let me know how it's going so I can get some sleep, ha,ha..

[SoonerDave]

A slightly humorous parental memory when my daughter was about that age (maybe slightly younger)...

One night, my wife had been going through the drill of staying outside the room, giving the positive reassurance talk, essentially everything Karrie outlined above. After about three hours of pointless crying that I could no longer stand (in bed in the opposite corner of the house), I walked into my daughter's room and said in a very firm voice, "Honey, it is time to go to sleep right now."

She stopped crying instantly and didn't utter a peep the rest of the night.

My wife, who was sitting on the sofa, looked at me and quietly said, "I hate you."

The point of all this is about who has the bigger bluff. I always contend that so long as you perpetuate the postponement of bedtime by any means, eg talking in response to crying, glasses of water, etc., you're not teaching the child how to go to sleep on their own. In this case, the indirect lesson was teaching her that if you keep crying, Mommy will keep talking to you. She has (well, had) no reason to sleep.

Once I had firmly (not angrily) established that the talking and crying time was over, and my wife came back to bed with the lights off, my daughter slept like a baby the rest of the night.

Of course, now, at the age of 9, we have to make sure she hasn't snuck a flashlight into bed with her to read her American Girl books after prayer time...she's an absolutely inexhaustable reader...reading more than two full grade levels beyond her peers, something like a 98th or 99th percentile...not that daddy's proud or anything

-SoonerDave

[Karried]

The second time she gets up, walk or carry her back to bed, without saying a word.. you might have to do it over and over.. act like a robot.. no emotion, do NOT say a word. She'll be crying, pulling out every trick in the book.. ignore it!!! The third and fourth and fifth time.. it could go on a longgg time, keep escorting her back to bed.. do NOT say a word.. don't give her any attention.. walk away.. she'll figure out you are not going to buckle or give in .. you win.

Yes, that's exactly right.. the longer you stand outside and talk, the longer it goes on and on.. you can't respond or get another drink of water or read another book.. you have to be firm. You can't keep giving attention, good or bad.. ignore, escort and stay strong.

I'm talking about the little ones who keep getting up out of bed over and over. They are sometimes ruthless and might be more afraid of going to sleep alone than getting in trouble. It's hard on everyone but after the first few times, they get the message that you are stronger and can hold out longer.

Plus, I really think it's harder for moms to let their kids cry... mommy instinct. Not to say Dads don't feel sad but I think moms are usually a little more sensitive.. I'm in tears when my kids are hurting and crying.. I can't take it.. dad comes right in and it's all over.

SoonerDave, I was like your daughter.. I couldn't read enough! I loved to read, night and day.. good job! That is the best thing for her to develop a love of reading and a love of books.. that is awesome.

[CMSturgeon]

Haha. Thanks for the advice and stories. Although I didn't check your responses until today, Saturday night went well, although I do feel it was because I let her stay up late and she was extra tired. Anyway, she hung out with her grandparents while the hubby and I went to the MONSSSSTERRRR JAM (more about that later) and then afterwards we picked her up and went home. I didn't allow her to watch cartoons or play with any of her toys the whole time and told her she could do so the next day if she was good at bed time. She teared up a bit at bed time but it was nothing like what we've been going through. I hope it'll be as easy on Tuesday when we try it again at 9:30. I think it has just been a while since I took something to the extreme like that, punishment wise anyway. I think she knows I'm serious again. I'm actually more of a stickler than daddy, Daddy's little girl, of course! We had a really good day on Sunday though, think she is finally understanding good behavior = reward and bad behavior = punishment. By the way, anyone go to Petsmart on a Sunday? If you haven't, don't. Oh and if I confused you, she is my stepdaughter and the hubby and I have her every tuesday, thursday, and saturday night and all day Sunday.

[Karried]

oh girl.. I feel for you! Just when you'll get it down.. it will change when she comes back home. A lot of communication with the ex might help to figure out what her schedule is .. that's a tough one (that might be one reason your step daughter is struggling.. a lot of changes for a little girl going back and forth between homes.. pray for patience!)

Sending good thoughts and well wishes your way..

[Dark Jedi]

Some kids simply don't need as much sleep.

They are rare, but don;t discount it as a possibility outright until you try it. I only needed 6 or 7 hours a night as a child, and 5 hours a night as a young adult. I didn't start sleeping 7 hours or more until I hit 30.
My son is the same way. My daughter, however, is not.

But in either case, when bedtime is established, a firm stance is really the way to deal with it. Every concession you make sets the bar a little higher the next night.

[CMSturgeon]

So, what I posted this in January? Since I grounded her for a straight week from toys and t.v. I haven't had A problem. Hope I'm not jinxing myself but I feel pretty good about it. She now knows it's serious business.

And also in regards to the needing sleep, she will sleep for like 12 hours straight if you don't wake her up, lol, so I dont think thats the deal.

[rxis]

My girl didn't have a problem sleeping alone until as of late.

i read in my wife's med books that children around ages 3-4 often times begin developing the fear of losing their parents and so then sleep issues arise.