Please read: Why I am hard on OKC

[bchris02]

Most people on this forum hate my posts and wish I would just stop posting here. Quite frankly I don't blame them as sometimes they can be over the top negative (I do post positive posts but most people don't seem to notice them). I sincerely apologize for having offended the people of this great city by my negative posts. Let me explain though why I post the way I do.

First of all, I don't, in reality, hate living here as bad as you would think from reading my posts. The angst I have about living here isn't entirely the fault of the city or any inferiority it may have to somewhere like Charlotte. Living in a small/midsized city compared to a large one of course has sacrifices, but day to day life somewhere like OKC isn't that much different. Urban areas in this region of the country (the Southeast + Texas + Oklahoma) are pretty much all designed and laid out similar and have similar offerings, some on a larger or smaller scale.

I have roots in OKC way back and I want to see it succeed. Sometimes I am not patient enough. I am used to how fast things moved in Charlotte or look at what's happening in Dallas or Austin and wish that for OKC, but I realize that in most places things don't happen that fast. I get discouraged when there is a setback or when a big project that has been teased about dies, such as Steve's mixed-use development that would make Dallas or Kansas City jealous. I get discouraged when a Stage Center Tower that was supposed to be 30 stories, then 20, gets revealed to be only 14 stories. Things are happening here though. Things have improved drastically here over the past 10-15 years and if the national economy holds up its likely just the beginning. It's amazing the life that the Thunder has brought to downtown. There are many times when things such as the arts festival are going downtown that I think to myself "this place is actually pretty cool."

OKC even has things that are better than Charlotte. First, downtown OKC feels a lot more dense and built up than Charlotte does at street level. Though pedestrian activity in the CBD has a ways to go, I have had numerous friends from Charlotte ask me if OKC was bigger than Charlotte when touring them through the CBD. Though they have been doing a ton of infill in the past few years, when I lived in Charlotte there was far too much surface parking right in the CBD. OKC, specifically Bricktown, feels larger and more active if you hit it the right night than the smaller mixed-use developments in Charlotte such as the Epicentre and the NC Music Factory. For all the criticism I give Lower Bricktown, it really feels the most "Charlotte", being that its Disneyfied and lacks character. The Paseo is a real jewel that I think doesn't always get the attention it deserves. Though it still has a ways to go, I love what is happening in Midtown/Auto Alley and think within the next five years, it will be an amazing place and a focal point of OKC's young professional life (if its not already). Speaking of Auto Alley, it's another jewel and Charlotte doesn't have anything that compares.

As far as day to day life in the city, the only things I drastically miss about Charlotte are nice grocery stores (along with liberal liquor laws) and the citywide urban beautification, an area OKC really needs to work on. I sometimes miss the retail but its not like I spent a lot of money at Neiman Marcus anyways.

My negativity stems from two things. First, I didn't want to leave Charlotte but had to because of my job situation so I had a negative attitude straight out of the box. My family is in rural eastern Oklahoma so I stayed with them while job hunting. Secondly, I have had a difficult time finding my niche in OKC. I am late 20s, single, and asexual. I also have social anxiety and I could care less about sports or country music (a common interest for most Okies). The culture here being overwhelmingly centered on family, sports, getting married young, and settling down has made it difficult to relate to a lot of people in my age group here. I am sure that's simply where I've been hanging out but I didn't have near this kind of trouble when I lived in Charlotte. Because of this, there are some days that get mindnumbingly lonely and I really feel like I would leave OKC if I could. However, when I really think about it I would rather not go through the hassle. I would like to find my niche here and be happy here if it's possible.

Lastly, whenever I see what is called "blind boosterism," sometimes its hard for me to resist posting a refute for it and many times people interpret that as me slamming OKC. I will try to be kinder when I do that and once again, I apologize for the offense that I've caused.

Anyways, I hope what I've posted here explains things from my perspective and why I post the way I do. I will do better going forward to try to be more positive and tone down the negativity.

[wunderkind]

I understand what you're saying about the feel of various cities, including OKC, and I've also read a number of your posts.
It can be hard to meet people, but I'm curious, what are your interests? Like, what do you do for fun and recreation?
Oklahoma can seem really family-focused at times, but theres lots of other stuff going on...

[ljbab728]

Thank you for your thoughts. I am one who often disagrees with you but it's not a bad thing to have someone to point out our warts constructively. It helps those of us who love it here remember why we do and what we need to keep doing to make it better.

[PennyQuilts]

Honestly, not to be contrary but I haven't interpreted your posts as all that negative. You're just in transition and I think any fair minded person would get that. You wrote a lovely post and sound like a lovely person. I wonder if you might enjoy doing some nature related things - you have jumped right in on the weather and nature related activities can be fun for people a bit solitary by personality. Some of our younger set at your point in life might have some suggestions. I sincerely hope you find your feet. About all I can say about your frustrations in OKC's development is that I'm willing to bet most cities have experienced the same sort of thing. The difference is in timing and instead of being the recipient of the work of others, you will be able to say you experienced OKC's growing pains. Bet you'll be proud you knew her when, some day.

Wish you well and am glad you're in OKC and on OKCtalk. Again, you seem like a nice person.

[Celebrator]

Thank you, but I will say again what I just said very recently in a post. Don't let so much fear and pessimism into your thinking. Your only true home is your own thinking. When you come to that realization, you can work out any problem.

.

[Tigerguy]

A few things for everybody to remember:

There are a lot of people with a lot of personalities posting here. Further, all of the people have different thought processes and perspectives. It's like having a bunch of temperamental cats in close proximity. This being the internet, there will be times when the claws come out and the fur flies, sometimes for no good reason. We often forget that etiquette is a two-way street...

I, like you, want to see good things for this city. I, like you, don't like to see things get downsized or negatively changed. The fact is, though, changes can happen. For all of the plans that are bandied about, it's not final until the concrete is poured. If we can accept that changes may be a part of the process instead of getting stuck on what was planned or our pie-in-the-sky visions, the forums may get a bit more boring, but there will also be a lot less stress and (maybe) many fewer silly posts. (This isn't to say that all complaints are without merit. This is to say that we need to chill and think about what we want to post. Sometimes such things are better left untyped.)

Something for you:

What do you enjoy? You don't have to answer that here, but if it's possible, have a good time doing something you like every so often. I know I've got a situation or two that I wish was different, but when I'm in my happy place, it feels good--and it carries over into what I do next. A happiness boost here and there is definitely a good thing. As the city evolves, you may yet find your niche. If not, just try to have a good time until you find the place where your niche truly is.

To almost close, here's a Taoist parable that I think speaks to some of discord we encounter 'round these parts: Taoist story - Who knows what is good and what is bad?

To actually close, I'm not a big fan of country music, either, so you have at least one kindred spirit.

[TAlan CB]

I know what you mean about beautification. I lived in Raleigh for 7 years and use to think Charlotte was a little ' run down', only to realize that Durham was about the same. Generally speaking OKC is a 'pit' compared to eastern cities (I now live in the Atlanta area), but compared to what it was 10 years ago, it has made vast improvements. But, it has not been universal. Some areas of OKC use to be quite nice and well-maintained and have now become run down. Most OKies are still stuck in the urban sprawl mind set - the neighbors have stop cutting the grass so it is time to move to a 'new neighborhood'. But far worst than the landscaping is the political environment. Though always a little on the conservative side (nothing wrong with that) Oklahoma has become Tea Party central, and conservative has become intolerance. Timmothy McVeigh set off a bomb (and I was near by) - and in the end he won, Oklahoma has become, politically speaking, the toxic place he wanted. It is no longer the land of diversity and amused acceptance - but of ignorant hate speech, and 'my way or no way' I miss Oklahoma more than most will ever realize ....but it is impossible to go home.

[ljbab728]

Timmothy McVeigh set off a bomb (and I was near by) - and in the end he won, Oklahoma has become, politically speaking, the toxic place he wanted.

HUH? Timothy McVeigh won nothing. I can't believe anyone could possibly say that.

[Thesaurum]

You have never offended me, but I applaud your resolution. You didn't ask for advice but I suspect you're going to get some.

Action dispels anxiety bchis. Resist the paralysis of indecision. Join something that you think might appeal to you that requires you to be occasionally physically present. Perhaps that 'Rage-Against-the-ODOT-Machine' known as Friends for a Better Boulevard; it has urbanist folk who believe in a cause, have a vision and who apparently serve liquor at some of their meetings.

Seriously, sometimes just showing up for something to do vollunteer work is the best medicine for social anxiety and becoming part of the community. https://www.volunteermatch.org/searc...y%2C+OK%2C+USA

I'll stay tuned to see the new bchris in action. You have my best wishes.

[DavidD_NorthOKC]

Perhaps that 'Rage-Against-the-ODOT-Machine' known as Friends for a Better Boulevard; it has urbanist folk who believe in a cause, have a vision and who apparently serve liquor at some of their meetings.

I love that!! Maybe we should open every FBB event with 'Sleep Now In The Fire'!

[DavidD_NorthOKC]

But seriously bchris - I am originally from NC and understand much of what you are saying. There are a few very frustrating things about Oklahoma to be sure. But the people are genuinely welcoming and nice regardless of most other considerations or differences. (There are always exceptions but that is true for everywhere.) The growth and changes in OKC have been amazing even if I think we are in danger of making some serious mistakes in the near future. But even at that, in a few years you will probably look back in amazement at the changes that occur while you are here.

OKC is definitely a work in progress and will have some growing pains. It simply cannot be like Charlotte or any other eastern city nor should it be. We still have a lot of the old "that's just the way it is" around here with outsize influence resting in a few people and basically one industry. They often have too much ability to dictate what our elected leaders do and that is not healthy for the city or state. But those very same people and that industry does a lot of good as well - so I hesitate to paint them as bad or evil as some do when the frustration reaches a high enough level.

Don't hesitate to just show up and offer to help at just about anything. You will be welcomed and eventually you will find your niche. Choose to find the positive and try to let the negative roll off. Hang in there and I hope to meet you some time in the real world.

[adaniel]

I appreciate your honesty and candor. It is not easy spilling your life on the internet.

I look at it this way. There is a reason you are here. It could be God, karma, fate, Muhammed, the stars, whatever your belief system is, but I don't think things happen in a vacuum. My current situation is a lot like yours. I will tell you I had no intentions of leaving OKC but I was in a job in where our management changed and I became so miserable over a 6 month period I actually gave myself an ulcer. I could have stayed and maybe found a new job there but I had an opportunity in Dallas that literally fell in my lap. I did and still do have deep reservations about relocating here but this new move has 100% been a positive for my career direction, not to mention no ulcers. So I embrace this area for what it is even though I know in the back of my head this is probably not were I want to permanently settle. In life you there will always be trade-offs but you have to prioritize what you want (in this case employment) and learn to compromise with what you can't have.

I do have some slight issue with your "blind boosterism" comment. Most people are here because they want to be here. I've never felt that people here on OKCTalk are above criticizing something in this city (and there is a lot that still can be improved here) but at the end of the day they love it here. I bet in Charlotte you knew a lot of New Yorkers who complained "wow the pizza/bagels here are terrible" or "things moved much more efficiently in NJ/NYC/LI compared to you slow southerners." Well, I hate to say, but that's you. I don't think you mean it, but people never respond well with "where I'm from"-type comments in any place. With that in mind never feel like you can't have an honest discussion about things. I think you should be more careful to frame it in a way that is not so condescending. Criticize the object, not the people behind the object. Its a good way to go through life as well.

One last thing, and I am probably straying out of my lane a bit. It is clear to me that between your posts here and on other sites/forums that you are having some issues with anxiety and depression for some time but have not properly dealt with it. I would really suggest you go see a mental health professional. There is no shame in seeking help for things you cannot control. I actually had a very close relative attempt suicide in January. We have known for years he had deep seeded issues but that side of our family views mental health with such disdain he never reached out. Not saying that will happen to you but why burden yourself with such things when you may not even have to? Social anxiety and depression are not things you have to live with.

In any event I really hope things get better for you.

[MikeLucky]

At the risk of being the ahole in the room (not a huge risk... it's sometimes my thing), I will offer some advice that I wish I had received at your place and age...

The day you stop waiting for a city/place/person/people to provide YOU happiness, is the day your life begins. Take responsibility for your own happiness and WORK HARD to become a person that people want to be around. I'm going to repeat that because it's the most important thing you can hear right now. WORK HARD to become a person that people want to be around. Then you will be amazed at how life will begin to come to you, as opposed to the other way around. I know you have social issues and I know you used a lot of words to explain away all the things in your life you are not happy with in this thread. But, all I see are excuses and crutches. And, regardless of your justifications, the person you are on this board is not someone that I imagine a lot of people want to be around. Maybe harsh words, but you need to hear them.

So, you can continue to spend your time coming up with all the elaborate reasons why you aren't a happy person or why you say the things you say or do the things you do... OR you can use that time, energy, and effort to get out in the world and be a person that is happy in your own skin and it'll make you a person that others want to be around and invest THEIR lives with. Go to restaurants and sit at the bar to eat. Strike up conversations with the bartenders and even other patrons. There's nothing to lose with these conversations. You have to eat anyway, there's always a tv to watch, and the bartenders are paid to talk to you. Become a "regular" at a few places and you'll be surprised at the network of friends you can build just from doing that one little thing. That's just one example of many in this thread for you do be proactive about your own happiness.

Stop waiting for the world to come to your doorstep. Become a person that people enjoy being around and the world will notice. Or, you can just continue to write essays on a message board to justify to yourself why you are so unhappy. The choice is yours and yours only.

[gopokes88]

I know what you mean about beautification. I lived in Raleigh for 7 years and use to think Charlotte was a little ' run down', only to realize that Durham was about the same. Generally speaking OKC is a 'pit' compared to eastern cities (I now live in the Atlanta area), but compared to what it was 10 years ago, it has made vast improvements. But, it has not been universal. Some areas of OKC use to be quite nice and well-maintained and have now become run down. Most OKies are still stuck in the urban sprawl mind set - the neighbors have stop cutting the grass so it is time to move to a 'new neighborhood'. But far worst than the landscaping is the political environment. Though always a little on the conservative side (nothing wrong with that) Oklahoma has become Tea Party central, and conservative has become intolerance. Timmothy McVeigh set off a bomb (and I was near by) - and in the end he won, Oklahoma has become, politically speaking, the toxic place he wanted. It is no longer the land of diversity and amused acceptance - but of ignorant hate speech, and 'my way or no way' I miss Oklahoma more than most will ever realize ....but it is impossible to go home.

This is by far the dumbest post I have ever read on this forum.
McVeigh won nothing except being one of the most evil people to ever live.

Liberals aren't tolerant of anyone's viewpoints but their own, and eventually they'll start to eat their own. MSNBC just screams diversity and inclusion.

When was the last time someone in Oklahoma lost their job because they were pro-gay marriage? Have the two lesbians in Tulsa suing the state over its gay marriage ban lost their jobs? No.

Because in ultra tolerant liberal land of California the last time someone lost their job for not being in support of gay marriage because of a religious belief was last week. Benham brothers: 'If faith cost us TV show, so be it'

Tolerance is I disagree with you but I'm not going to harm you because of that disagreement, and if push comes to shove, I'll fight for your right to disagree with me.

Liberals will not tolerate intolerance.

I'll take Oklahoma's version of tolerance way before the liberals. That tide will turn and they will come for everyone in their path, even themselves.

[kelroy55]

I may not agree all the time but still want you to keep on posting.

[PennyQuilts]

HUH? Timothy McVeigh won nothing. I can't believe anyone could possibly say that.

Me either. It is absolutely disgusting and could only have been written by someone who wanted to believe it. But let's get back to topic which is to talk to our friend, bchris. who is struggling.

[Dennis Heaton]

As an OLDER person...ain't never bothered me. As much as I might disagree with some of the posts on OKCTalk, by any number of members, I will always respect one's right to "speak their mind."

As I like to say...



P.S. Just wanted to add (after reading OKCbyTRANSFER's Post), I NEVER had any notion of EVER living in Oklahoma. My Stepfather was a native of Broken Bow. I have pert much lived most of my life in Coastal states. But, here I am, smack dab in the middle of OK. My future plans are to move back to South Carolina or Oregon AFTER my Son graduates from High School. One thing is certain...it is gonna be tough to find a bunch of nicer people as I have in OKC.

[OKCbyTRANSFER]

Bchris...allow me to add my thanks for your honesty. I am also not from here, and trust me, of all the palces I've lived in, both long and short term, the LAST place I imagined myself was here in Oklahoma. I have 7 years under my belt here now, it's taken me a long time to accept living here, and know what? I'm used to it. OKC has changed so much, and I enjoy see the downtown core become what it has...I moved here right as the Project 180 was starting and lived through the dirt, street closures, etc to what we have now.
I'll admit, there are things I hate about living here...being a single, gay male in the redest of states is not easy...being from the east coast I'm used to a much more liberal atmosphere, so that is very difficult for me. Change is coming, allbeit very slowly, and I have met some really nice friends here to help soften that blow. My job is here, I've established a life here, and will I be here forever? I really don't know what the future holds right now, but I'm at peace with my decision and hope you will also find it. This site has helped a great deal (thanks Pete and all)...I've learned so much about the city/area and see the passion the contributors here have for the area. Sorry to make it so long...

[pedmond]

Bchris.... I don't post often, but I do like to read this forum from time to time and I can assure you I don't hate your posts, nor do I have a problem with you criticizing OKC or making comparisons to other cities. What I do have a problem with is when people slam you for what you've posted.

I'm in my sixties and grew up in OKC, worked and lived in Midtown during the seventies and over the last 20 years have seen OKC transformed. I'm thrilled OKC has made as much progress as it has, but if someone has a different viewpoint on how things should have been done or would like to see something different, I certainly don't have a problem with you or anyone else expressing their views.

Keep posting and best of luck.

[Plutonic Panda]

McVeigh won nothing except being one of the most evil people to ever live.

Ha. Give me a break. You do know why he did that, right? Now I am not justifying him killing the innocent people, he should've just gone after the people directly involved and he wouldn't have been so hated, but make no mistake, he is not "one of the most evil people to ever live". You need to brush up on your history if you think that.

[Throckmorton]

but make no mistake, he is not "one of the most evil people to ever live"..

How many babies does one need to kill to get on that list?

[Dennis Heaton]

How many babies does one need to kill to get on that list?

Might want to ask Dr. Nareshkumar G. Patel, MD (www Oklahoma city abortion dot com (Outpatient Services for Women-Home) THAT question.

[FighttheGoodFight]

First, I didn't want to leave Charlotte but had to because of my job situation so I had a negative attitude straight out of the box. My family is in rural eastern Oklahoma so I stayed with them while job hunting.

Great post. I do not find any of your posts particularly bad or mean. We all want the best for OKC and Oklahoma.

I can see how being forced to move back to where your parents live can give a bad attitude to the area. My family is from rural Texas and I would never want to live there. I'm sure I would feel the same way.

I will say this. Don't group all of us Okies in the same pot. I think at your age and in your social circumstance there is still plenty to do. Find a good activity you actually enjoy doing and try to meet some people who do similar things. In college I got really into biking and found a group to ride with. Met some people who turned out to be really nice and I found a niche.

Wish you all the best.

[PennyQuilts]

Ha. Give me a break. You do know why he did that, right? Now I am not justifying him killing the innocent people, he should've just gone after the people directly involved and he wouldn't have been so hated, but make no mistake, he is not "one of the most evil people to ever live". You need to brush up on your history if you think that.

Keep in mind the comment about McVeigh being one of the most evil people was in direct response to someone actually claiming mcveigh had won because conservative Oklahoma is one of the most toxic places, blah, blah. If someone was around when he did that, they might well believe he was one of the most evil. I don't think people can really know but in my book, blowing up babies puts him the race - the only difference is in the numbers. To suggest people, now, share mcveigh's mindset prompts people to point out that not only do they not share his views, they think he was evil.

[Plutonic Panda]

How many babies does one need to kill to get on that list?

If you kill one innocent baby you can be considered evil. The list is tecnically infinite, so any evil person would be on it, but being high up, I don't think Tim McVeigh would be.