KD Describes Suburban Isolation

[soonerguru]

I was actually at Grandads with a few friends of mine last night. We went about 1030 and shut it down at 2.

Sorry I missed you! I started out there and ended up at Blue Note.

You might reread my post above as I've added a little bit to my commentary.

[bchris02]

Yes, and some are already divorced. But, my point being, at this young age when friendships are important to the final stage of development, OKC is extremely isolating. Your friends are married, most have kids, finding someone to hang out with that isn't attached at the hip to their spouse is challenging. Personally, I'm depressed in this city.

This sounds exactly how I feel. Getting married to your high school sweetheart before you're old enough to drink seems like its simply part of the culture here. It's almost expected, especially in the suburbs. There is an entire stage of life people miss out on by tying themselves down so young. I feel like I am beyond the curve here and I am really not that old. When moving to OKC, I was actually very surprised to find such cultural pressure to pair up and settle down young in a city this large. Usually that is more common in rural areas.

I am currently debating whether biting the bullet and moving to downtown OKC next June when my lease runs out or simply moving to Dallas or Houston, providing I can find a job, is my best option. Personally I don't mind the suburbs. I don't need walkable, just want convenient. However, it seems like there is simply nowhere in suburban OKC that is fit for somebody who is still single past age 21 and just wants to have fun.

Do you live downtown, catch, or in the suburbs?

[catch22]

This sounds exactly how I feel. Getting married to your high school sweetheart before you're old enough to drink seems like its simply part of the culture here. It's almost expected, especially in the suburbs. There is an entire stage of life people miss out on by tying themselves down so young. I feel like I am beyond the curve here and I am really not that old. I am currently debating whether biting the bullet and moving to downtown OKC next June when my lease runs out or simply moving to Dallas or Houston, providing I can find a job, is my best option. Personally I don't mind the suburbs. I don't need walkable, just want convenient. However, it seems like there is simply nowhere in suburban OKC that is fit for somebody who is still single past age 21 and just wants to have fun.

Do you live downtown, catch, or in the suburbs?

I live in the suburbs but spend all of my entertainment time exclusively in downtown and the inner city.

Edit: also planning on moving downtown in the next year or two. ($)

[adaniel]

Yes, and some are already divorced. But, my point being, at this young age when friendships are important to the final stage of development, OKC is extremely isolating. Your friends are married, most have kids, finding someone to hang out with that isn't attached at the hip to their spouse is challenging. Personally, I'm depressed in this city.

I can definitely sympathize with this. And I think some people who are married and have friends that are married and who have never lived anywhere else don't get it and never will.

With that in mind though, I think it starts being a challenge anywhere to make friends and be social as one gets older and peers start to settle down, it just so happens to start here in OKC earlier than most. I had a friend who lived in the middle of freakin New York City and had a very hard time meeting people. As one gets older, you definitely have to start "putting yourself out there" and involve yourself a little more in things you like.

I would second plugging in to your job. Some people are so busy trying to cover their ass at work they can't take time to socialize. Which stinks because it is really the best opportunity to meet people post-college. I am fortunate that I work in a fairly young office, and while a lot are married few have kids. And we do hang out a lot. Without hashing out my rather lengthy previous post on this, IMO living in or near the urban core offers the best opportunities for things to do.

[adaniel]

....and half of them will be divorced around 30. I skipped that step, we didn't get married until I was 39 and my wife was 38. I found quite a few women as well who were never married into their 30's.

I know so many people who got married the second they graduated college who are now 5 years later, separated, divorced, or engaging in affairs. Its really just ridiculous, and not necessarily limited to OKC. The worst thing is a few had kids, so now they will be raised in a broken home.

[bchris02]

I know so many people who got married the second they graduated college who are now 5 years later, separated, divorced, or engaging in affairs. Its really just ridiculous, and not necessarily limited to OKC. The worst thing is a few had kids, so now they will be raised in a broken home.

That seems to be part of rural/Southern culture. People talk about why the Bible Belt has such high divorce rates, often with the intention of calling out Christians as being hypocrites. What they leave out of the discussion is how young people get married in those areas with high divorce rates. The national average age of first marriage right now is 28 for men, 26 for women. My guess is in OKC its a good 5-7 years earlier than that and 7-10 years in rural Oklahoma.

[catch22]

I don't work with anyone my age or of similar interests outside a few that I do occasionally hang out with or run into in public. Anyway, this thread isn't about me or my problems

[bchris02]

I don't work with anyone my age or of similar interests outside a few that I do occasionally hang out with or run into in public. Anyway, this thread isn't about me or my problems

Some very good points have been brought up in this thread though regarding OKC's desirability for educated young professionals and the city's ability to attract and retain them. It's a proven trend that educated people marry later and those are the type of people this city wants to attract and retain. This issue of early marriages and isolation seems to be a common denominator among twentysomethings who move here from elsewhere, especially those like myself, adaniel, and yourself who initially moved to the suburbs. In other cities, one can live in the suburbs and still get by but in OKC that is a lot more difficult simply because of the culture. If you are young and single in OKC, you almost HAVE to live downtown, and this is why continuing the downtown renaissance is so important.

[soonerguru]

That seems to be part of rural/Southern culture. People talk about why the Bible Belt has such high divorce rates, often with the intention of calling out Christians as being hypocrites. What they leave out of the discussion is how young people get married in those areas with high divorce rates. The national average age of first marriage right now is 28 for men, 26 for women. My guess is in OKC its a good 5-7 years earlier than that and 7-10 years in rural Oklahoma.

I doubt that. It's probably more like 25 or 26. OKC is not immune to national trends, and millenials are waiting longer to get hitched.

[bchris02]

I doubt that. It's probably more like 25 or 26. OKC is not immune to national trends, and millenials are waiting longer to get hitched.

OKC is a very fragmented place. What may be true for downtown OKC may not be for Edmond and far NW and vice versa.

[bluedogok]

I know so many people who got married the second they graduated college who are now 5 years later, separated, divorced, or engaging in affairs. Its really just ridiculous, and not necessarily limited to OKC. The worst thing is a few had kids, so now they will be raised in a broken home.

There was a pretty good number of those who had done that by my 10 year high school reunion (in 1992), at the 20 year it seemed to be a bit more stabilized. I always joked that I went through enough of my friends divorces that I was waiting until I was ready. I never did have the parental pressure to get married early even though my parents did. My sister is 12 years younger and married 5 years before I did after graduating from UCO.

[Teo9969]

I live in the suburbs but spend all of my entertainment time exclusively in downtown and the inner city.

Edit: also planning on moving downtown in the next year or two. ($)

Where in the "suburbs"? You really don't need to live downtown to enjoy many of its benefits. I'd say find a place anywhere in the core, especially if it's near Classen or 235, and you can get downtown in 3 to 8 minutes.

[adaniel]

OKC is a very fragmented place. What may be true for downtown OKC may not be for Edmond and far NW and vice versa.

I would say the average age is inching up across the area. But you will always have townies who are a bit behind the times and think that you are an old maid at 23.

[Plutonic Panda]

If you're not a married person attending a mega-church, your options in suburban OKC are obviously limited and depressing.

That post is full of sh*t and you know it man. That couldn't be further from the truth and I know plenty of people who have gotten married outside from a mega church. I know, I know, they will probably get divorced soon, sort of like people will stop driving cars, suburbs will eventually fall into poverty, Texas will eventually collapse under its debt for building mega-highways etc. It's always right around the corner, yes. . .

Anyways, it seems that you're telling me my love life is hopeless, if that is so, sucks for me.

[catch22]

Where in the "suburbs"? You really don't need to live downtown to enjoy many of its benefits. I'd say find a place anywhere in the core, especially if it's near Classen or 235, and you can get downtown in 3 to 8 minutes.

Southwest side (104th).

[soonerguru]

That post is full of sh*t and you know it man. That couldn't be further from the truth and I know plenty of people who have gotten married outside from a mega church. I know, I know, they will probably get divorced soon, sort of like people will stop driving cars, suburbs will eventually fall into poverty, Texas will eventually collapse under its debt for building mega-highways etc. It's always right around the corner, yes. . .

Anyways, it seems that you're telling me my love life is hopeless, if that is so, sucks for me.

Not at all what I said. Read closer.

[bchris02]

I think the point is its difficult to develop a social network in the suburbs if you are single, a transplant, and past your twenty-first birthday because most of your peers are married and settling down. This is especially true in the religious community. For those who are in college, be it at UCO, OU, etc the situation is different. Personally I like many things about suburban life and it's not this way in other cities, but here, if you are out of college and aren't married and having kids, suburban life can be isolating. I would love to be proven wrong on this but it has been my experience as well as the experience of many others here.