Tornado Shelter etiquette

[rickself]

Okay, here's one of those "How do I deal with this?" questions. This is serious and getting harder and harder to deal with.
My wife and I are faced with a dilemma about etiquette and survival - hardly two things you expect to address in the same line of thought.
We live in El Reno. We have a storm shelter, actually the service space to our furnace under the house. But it is accessible and we feel comforted to know that when the sirens go off, we have a safe place. My wife and 24 year old daughter are both claustrophobic and believe me, getting them both down those narrow stairs could be a challenge when "that day" comes. All in all, I think we could easily survive with a little space around us for breathing room. Our neighbors across the street (2 adults and 3 very young boys), whom we love dearly, have made it known that they have nowhere safe in their house, to which we have extended the open door policy that if ever the sirens go off, come on in and we'll make room in the shelter. Now the problem. Every time there is a storm approaching, relatives begin to show up at their house because they too have made it known that they couldn't possibly stay in their tiny home when a tornado watch is issued. Yes, they show up for every tornado watch. So our neighbors have extended the offer to the relatives that we have a storm shelter. That's 3 of us, 5 of the neighbors, and another 4-6 of the relatives.

How, on God's green earth do we talk to our neighbors withoout sounding like insensitive neighbors?

[kevinpate]

"I'm very sorry, but the space that is available is simply not adequate to open to others in your family. It is scarcely large enough for us to include you, but you are our neighbors and we will continue to make room for the five of you. Please tell your extended family they can not come with you any more and they need to find shelter elsewhere. We will understand if you decide to also seek shelter elsewhere if you wish to be with them during such times."

Simple, direct, courteous. What more is required?

[sacolton]

"I'm very sorry, but the space that is available is simply not adequate to open to others in your family. It is scarcely large enough for us to include you, but you are our neighbors and we will continue to make room for the five of you. Please tell your extended family they can not come with you any more and they need to find shelter elsewhere. We will understand if you decide to also seek shelter elsewhere if you wish to be with them during such times."

Simple, direct, courteous. What more is required?

Yup. Maybe "Get your own storm shelter." might be more direct.

[rickself]

Ya, I suppose that can work. When we say it, it sounds cruel, but to hear someone esle say the same thing we've been thinking, it's not quite as bad. I guess also to let them know that we don't want anybody getting a false sense of security that when the time does come, there won't be any room.

[Jon27]

You shouldn't feel bad about telling them this. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. They are essentially inviting others into your home without asking you.

[jn1780]

Who are they to invite their relatives? They can pull their own resources to buy a storm shelter. Or you can start charging, that will put in end to this real fast.

On another note, are you prepared to tell a neighbor there's no more room if a tornado really did come.

[MadMonk]

Its a question of physics, really. Two bodies cannot occupy the same space so you will eventually run out of space. Yes, in an emergency, you can cram a lot of people if need be, and I certainly wouldn't turn anyone away if possible - especially children - but I won't put my family in danger because someone else isn't prepared.

[sacolton]

I would tell them that your family had a meeting and decided it was best not to offer your storm shelter because of room and safety. Capacity is something you can't take for granted. They would be best to keep their family together and pool money to have a proper storm shelter that can meet their requirements for all their extended family. It's not your fault - you were taken advantage of your generosity.

As a matter of fact, talk to the installer and see what the maximum capacity is for you storm shelter. If it's 5, then have them print something out and show your neighbor so you have proof and you're not just being a "jerk".

[MikeLucky]

Gee, I wish I could help with some good advice.... I have a storm shelter in the floor of my garage, but being someone who has lived his entire life in tornado alley, it's reserved for women, children, and spiders. As far as I'm concerned any of my neighbors or their family can get in there with the spiders if they want... There's no way in hell I'm getting in that metal box. lol.

BUT, I will say that in this situation it was completely crappy of your neighbors to assume they are free to invite whoever they want to join them in YOUR shelter. Personally, at that point I would tell them that you have some other family that have asked to join during severe weather and that you are sorry but you need to keep the room available for your own family. Your neighbors need to be accountable for their own safety. If they make a stink about it then it pretty much tells you all you need to know about your neighbors and how much you should or should not "dearly love them." The fact that they put you in this position after you went out of your way to help them is strike 1 anyway... Just my opinion.

[BBatesokc]

I had a neighbor that tried to park his car under our car port when bad weather was close - if our car wasn't there. Thing is, if we came home, he was in our spot and we'd have to go tell him. I didn't have an issue telling him not to do that again unless he called and spoke to me and I gave permission. Maybe you could do something similar and tell them you could have company over or you might not even be home - so call first and if its possible then yes, but regardless, there is only room safely for "x" number of people.

[OKCisOK4me]

You shouldn't feel bad about telling them this. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. They are essentially inviting others into your home without asking you.

This I agree with. Be weary of them if the zombie apocalypse happens. They'll probably be the ones that try to take over your property by killing you and yours to survive.

[OKCTalker]

A friend with a vacation home has a needlepoint pillow which reads, "Houseguests of houseguests may not invite houseguests." You can't let those things get out of control!

[Stew]

90% of good mental health is the ability to say 'No' without guilt. Once I learned the only reason I ever need for refusing a request is, "because I don't want to", my life became a heck of a lot more manageable, happier and sober.

Be honest with them and tell them exactly what YOU will allow. You'll feel a heck of lot better.

[jn1780]

I think were leaving out an important element that makes this situation more "complicated": the wife.

Maybe I'm stereotyping rickself is the nice one. lol

[WilliamTell]

'hey - we enjoy having your family over when storms are near, but we dont feel comfortable having people we dont know really well over.'

'hey - we enjoy having you, your wife, and your kids over when the storms are near, i just dont want to be put in a situation where we could possibly become liable for people who arent our neighbors getting hurt in our house''i hope you understand and that your extended family friends/ can work out something with their neighbors'

or some combination of the two.

[rickself]

Who are they to invite their relatives? They can pull their own resources to buy a storm shelter. Or you can start charging, that will put in end to this real fast.

On another note, are you prepared to tell a neighbor there's no more room if a tornado really did come.

Therein lies the problem, and after reading down the list, I can address others' responses in the thread. But this is true. We need to take care of this before we find a line at the door, 12 people for the life boat and only 6 life preservers.

[rickself]

As a matter of fact, talk to the installer and see what the maximum capacity is for you storm shelter. If it's 5, then have them print something out and show your neighbor so you have proof and you're not just being a "jerk".

Like I said in the original post, this is just a service area to the under-house furnace. There's a sump-pump in the middle of the floor and a 4x4 beam holding up the sagging pantry floor above. No "Capacity Limit" signage.

[rickself]

90% of good mental health is the ability to say 'No' without guilt. Once I learned the only reason I ever need for refusing a request is, "because I don't want to", my life became a heck of a lot more manageable, happier and sober.

Be honest with them and tell them exactly what YOU will allow. You'll feel a heck of lot better.

Wow, Stew, I think you're on to something here. Saying "No" without feeling guilty now will be a lot easier than trying to say "No" when the sirens are wailing.

[rickself]

I think were leaving out an important element that makes this situation more "complicated": the wife.

Maybe I'm stereotyping rickself is the nice one. lol

Really, my wife is the social butterfly and I would rather mow the lawn and go back inside to do whatever. But she is also the one that brought up the fact that everytime the weather turns losy, the neighbors suddenly have company. We're both in the same boat on this one, I guess I just feel it's my job as protector of the family to be the one to get up the gumption to law down some rules.

I really appreciate all the input. There's a little of each reply to push me in the right direction. And with a heightened risk coming this weekend, I guess I best put on my game face.

Thanks to one and all!!

[sacolton]

Like I said in the original post, this is just a service area to the under-house furnace. There's a sump-pump in the middle of the floor and a 4x4 beam holding up the sagging pantry floor above. No "Capacity Limit" signage.

I see. I read that as you had it modified to a certified storm shelter.

[Anonymous.]

How does anybody, let alone 4-6 relatives have the time to spend a tornado watch at some random house??

Tornado watches can go for hours on end, and sometimes deep into the night.



Tell them to get a hobby, perhaps spend all their free time learning to dig and construct a tornado shelter. Or get a job to afford one.



Do these people have no courtesy? Seems like it runs in the family, I find it amazing that the original family has no issues with their relatives inviting themselves over at weather's will.

[sacolton]

How does anybody, let alone 4-6 relatives have the time to spend a tornado watch at some random house??

Tornado watches can go for hours on end, and sometimes deep into the night.



Tell them to get a hobby, perhaps spend all their free time learning to dig and construct a tornado shelter. Or get a job to afford one.



Do these people have no courtesy? Seems like it runs in the family, I find it amazing that the original family has no issues with their relatives inviting themselves over at weather's will.

How much you wanna bet that after everything is said and done ... these people are going to be banging on the door to this guys house when a WARNING is issued. They will be kicking, clawing, crying, and begging at this poor guys door. I would hate to be in his shoes when that happens.

[Plutonic Panda]

This I agree with. Be weary of them if the zombie apocalypse happens. They'll probably be the ones that try to take over your property by killing you and yours to survive.

I had the same exact thought! lol no joke

[jerrywall]

I have an even easier solution, and I had to use it myself. Had a neighbor with a large family move in nearby who is terrified of tornadoes (they're from California).

Since they panic so much, even during a watch, I found out there was a public shelter at the high school nearby. I suggested it in an upbeat way.

"Hey, since you don't always know if I'll be here, or if there's enough room, if you're ever nervous there's a nice shelter right down the street that can accommodate any amount of people. Plus there are emergency services there, so you'd be less likely to get trapped if my house collapses on us."

[boscorama]

The time to talk to the neighbors is now. Otherwise they'll all come over next time there's a watch. It's okay to be assertive.