Finances when married

[Faith]

Do you combine your money into "one" with your SO? Or do you keep your money divided into the two groups "My money" and "Your Money"?

[Faith]

My husband and I have always kept are money divided. He has his money and I have mine. We also have our bills seperated to who is responsible to pay what. We have done this for 7 years so far. I don't know of any other married couple that does their finances like this. Sometimes I feel like we approach our bills like we are roommates and not like a married couple.

[Patrick]

We approach our bills as one unit. Once we became married, we considered that we were one, so that's the way we've functioned. It's also Dave Ramsey's suggestion for keeping track of your finances.

IMO, with having separate accounts, it's as if you were single and living together. As a marrried couple, I don't feel it should be your money and the SO's money. It should be the couple's money.

The best way to get around all of this is to work from a budget. Have all of the money go into one account. Then work together as a couple to form a budget. In that budget, you include spending money for yourself and your spouse so you have money of your own to spend. We happen to call that the "Blow" fund. Setting your money aside in different funds helps you budget better. For example, we have a Date Night Fund, Gasoline Fund, Grocery Fund, Out to eat fund, Car Insurance Fund, Rent Fund, Gift Fund, Tithe Fund, etc. etc. We always plan our budget at the beginning of the month, based on the estimated budget, similar to how a business would do.

By operating as separate units, it's harder to keep track of where the money goes, and you're simply not on the same page as a couple.

BUT, I have heard of other couples that use your system, okcgoddess, and it seems to work for them, so who am I to question what works and what doesn't work? I just try to listen to a financial planner.

[MadMonk]

Here's how it works in my house: what's hers is hers and what's mine is hers.

Seriously, we have been a "one-account" family since we married. Its just easier that way. However, she is the one who maintains the register. I check on it from time to time, but its always in perfect shape - down to the penny. She enjoys having checkbook control and I enjoy not having the hassle.

I have a relative who does things like you do. She has her own account and her husband has his. It seems like they are always arguing about who pays for what or she is "begging" for a handout from him when her account gets low. Its seems like a lot of hassle to me.

[Patrick]

Here's how it works in my house: what's hers is hers and what's mine is hers.

Good point! LOL! That's exactly what I meant when my wife and I operate with one account as one unit. Everything belongs to her. Just kidding.

[Patrick]

I think the best thing about the one account system is that you're both on the same page, or at least you try to be. It helps prevent Madmonk's last statement.

IMO, it's a lot easier if a family budget runs like a business...that means it all falls under one budget.

Also, often times one person ends up managing the budget, while the other person may give suggestions. That's okay. Dave Ramsey suggests that there's a nerd and a free spirit in every family. The nerd is the tight wad that knows how to budget. The free spirit is the one that spends spends, and isn't too concerned about budgeting.

The nerd should always be in control of the budget, with input from the free spirit of course. If the free spirit is running things you're going to end up being in debt......have huge credit card debt, no organization, etc. The nerd also is better at managing the check book, building the budget, etc. But, the nerd needs to be open with the free spirit. The nerd shouldn't keep his properly balanced Excel spreadsheet all to himself/herself.

[MadMonk]

Patrick, have you attended one of Ramsey's seminars? I missed it when he was here, but I've read his Financial Peace book and applied a few principles (but not all). I'm in pretty good shape right now with only a single credit card on 0% interest (I know, I know), and a mortgage. Both cars are paid for and I'm working on getting that credit card down to nothing.

Do you do his "envelope method"?

[Faith]

Who is David Ramsey?

[Keith]

I think the best thing about the one account system is that you're both on the same page, or at least you try to be. It helps prevent Madmonk's last statement.

IMO, it's a lot easier if a family budget runs like a business...that means it all falls under one budget.

Also, often times one person ends up managing the budget, while the other person may give suggestions. That's okay. Dave Ramsey suggests that there's a nerd and a free spirit in every family. The nerd is the tight wad that knows how to budget. The free spirit is the one that spends spends, and isn't too concerned about budgeting.

The nerd should always be in control of the budget, with input from the free spirit of course. If the free spirit is running things you're going to end up being in debt......have huge credit card debt, no organization, etc. The nerd also is better at managing the check book, building the budget, etc. But, the nerd needs to be open with the free spirit. The nerd shouldn't keep his properly balanced Excel spreadsheet all to himself/herself.

I think Patrick just indirectly called me a nerd.

In my 25 years of marriage, I have always paid the bills. My wife, bless her heart, is mathematically challenged. Even when she uses a calculator, it still doesn't add up correctly.

We have two accounts. One account is a joint account which she is in charge of. Her check goes directly in to that account. There are a few bills that she pays through that account. I have my own account, which is the main account that we pay the bills on. My check is directly deposited in that account, so I pay the majority of the bills with my check.

I am the one, though, that balances both accounts with the credit union. I usually have no problem with my account, because I am rather thorough with all of my transactions. The joint checking acct is a different story. My wife loves to use her debit card instead of the checkbook, unfortunately, she has been known to forget to record some of her transactions.

Plus, I am the type that will keep looking and looking if I am even a penny off. I will disect the entire account to find that one penny.

In the last year, we have started using the envelope method, and it has worked great. In our marriage, there is no such thing as her money or my money. We consider it ours, even though we have separate accounts.

BTW, okcgoddess, Dave Ramsey is a Christian man that teaches you how to have financial peace. He has written many books, one which is entitled "Total Money Makeover." Check out his websites. I've also been to his seminars, and I would recommend it to anybody....especially young, married couples.

http://www.daveramsey.com/shop/Audio...C48.cfm?afid=7

http://www.daveramsey.com/

[Patrick]

Dave Ramsey is a Christian financial planner. Pretty famous guy. He got rich, lost it all, then learned how to put it all back together. Check out his website at www.DaveRamsey.com.

Madmonk, we went through the Financial Peace Seminar at our church. We wanted to see him in person when he came to town, but didn't get a chance to. I encourage anyone and everyone to take his course at a church. It's excellent.

Yup, we use the envelope system, but it's all run behind a budget as well. Obviously, there are some things you can't use an envelope system for, like most utility bills, but they go into the budget. We mostly use the envelope system for Gasoline, Groceries, Date Night, Blow Fund, Out to Eat Fund, Clothing Fund, Tithe, etc.

Also, we have an emergency fund....right now we have it in savings, but I'm going to open up a money market account soon, as Dave suggests. They draw more interest. Only drawback is there's a 48 hour waiting period to get your money out. But, that's where I have a credit card. If an emergency comes up, I'll use the card, then pay it back when I get the money out of the account.

I know, I know, I'm not supposed to use credit cards, but it makes sense in this case. I'll point out that we have a zero balance on our credit card.

Also, there's nothing wrong with having a home mortgage. You basically have to have one in today's society. We'll have one, but we'll probably go with a 15 year note, instead of the 30 year......less interest....and of course we'll attempt to pay it off early.

Also, with cars, with what interest rates are, I think you're actually better going with a low interest car loan, and investing the money you would've paid for the car in a good mutual fund. You can still get around 8% on a decent mutual fund.

[Patrick]

By the way, we obviously haven't made it all through Dave Ramsey's steps since we're just now starting out. We have the emergency fund in place, and no debt other than student loans. Next step was to do the 401K up to the match. We just recently did that. Next, we'll go for the Roth IRA. After we get than in check we'll look at mutual funds to build wealth.

Also, we'll probably do what Dave suggests...not buy new cars, but buy cars that are a few years old. Cars lose so much value within the first year or so. I'm currently driving a 1993 Nissan that my folks bought brand new. I've taken good care of it, and will probably run it for a long time. That way I can build wealth in the meantime, instead of giving it to the car manufacturers.

Most people that become millionaires didn't start out living like millionaries.

[mranderson]

your mine and ours. That is the plan. We are going to keep our individual accounts and have a joint household account. The individual accounts will not be discussed between us.

[Randy]

your mine and ours. That is the plan. We are going to keep our individual accounts and have a joint household account. The individual accounts will not be discussed between us.

That's just wrong. So, your individual accounts will not be discussed? There should never be secrets, when you are married, when it comes to finances. I assume, by the nature of your post, that you are married?

[mranderson]

That's just wrong. So, your individual accounts will not be discussed? There should never be secrets, when you are married, when it comes to finances. I assume, by the nature of your post, that you are married?

We decided to have our personal accounts so she can buy what she needs when she needs it and so we do not have to get the others permission to buy something. It may not work for you, however, it does for us.

[Randy]

We decided to have our personal accounts so she can buy what she needs when she needs it and so we do not have to get the others permission to buy something. It may not work for you, however, it does for us.

The way your post reads, it sounds like you just got married. Is that true?

[Midtowner]

Right now, we use three accounts, one for me, one for her, and one for joint expenses. We contribute equal shares to the joint expense account. I imagine that this system will work for a little while. Eventually, however, (with a little luck) there will eventually be a large disparity in income. At that some point in the future, the joint account will be the only one that has any meaningful use.

When there's a disparity in income, I believe it's unfair for the 'bread winner' to pretend that every dollar he gives his spouse is some sort of gift. What's mine is hers and vice versa.

Other folks will do it differently, I think for people with smaller incomes (like we have right now) the joint account thing works well, it cuts down on financial tension and still allows us to go out and buy $400 worth of clothes and not make our spouse have to sacrifice anything for it.

[Patrick]

That's just wrong. So, your individual accounts will not be discussed? There should never be secrets, when you are married, when it comes to finances. I assume, by the nature of your post, that you are married?

I agree. As a married couple you have to work as a team. If you're hiding things from each other, the result could be devastating. Remember, money is the number 1 thing couples fight about. The more open you are with each other about money, the fewer problems you will have. Being on the same page really helps. Communication is key.

[Jack]

We decided to have our personal accounts so she can buy what she needs when she needs it and so we do not have to get the others permission to buy something. It may not work for you, however, it does for us.

You're also not married. That's not a good reasoning. She can still buy what she needs from a joint account. Under your system, you're not being open with each other. Asking permission makes sure you're both on the same page, as Patrick mentioned.

[Jack]

The way your post reads, it sounds like you just got married. Is that true?

No, last I checked he's shacking up with another lady. Unless he's now married under common law.

[Faith]

No, last I checked he's shacking up with another lady. Unless he's now married under common law.

What does this have to do with the married finance thread?

[escan]

Okay....let's not be confrontational. My husband and I have a joint account; both paychecks go in and all bill come out. I do, however, know people who have some seperate accounts that they can spend out of without a thought. It's the same basic premise as "fun money." It's not keeping secrets...it may just be easier that way. If that's what works for Mr. Anderson in his relationship, then good for him!

We do have a joint account, but neither of us "asks permission" to spend. Now, we may have a "discussion" about it, but those are two totally different things in my opinion. Just because there may be more than one checkbook involved, does NOT mean you're not working as a team.

[Keith]

Right now, we use three accounts, one for me, one for her, and one for joint expenses. We contribute equal shares to the joint expense account. I imagine that this system will work for a little while. Eventually, however, (with a little luck) there will eventually be a large disparity in income. At that some point in the future, the joint account will be the only one that has any meaningful use.

When there's a disparity in income, I believe it's unfair for the 'bread winner' to pretend that every dollar he gives his spouse is some sort of gift. What's mine is hers and vice versa.

Other folks will do it differently, I think for people with smaller incomes (like we have right now) the joint account thing works well, it cuts down on financial tension and still allows us to go out and buy $400 worth of clothes and not make our spouse have to sacrifice anything for it.

I like your way of thinking. I think it is only fair that if you both work, then you should both contribute equal shares to the joint account. When my wife and I get paid, we both get an allowance. This allowance is for whatever we need it for. Now, when there is a large purchase that needs to be made, we consult each other to make sure that we agree on the purchase.

There are times when my wife doesn't have much in the joint account, so when that happens, I will occasionally hand her a $20 bill or larger, from my account, and tell her to do with it as she wishes. It is not considered a gift since the money was actually OUR money, not hers or mine. It just happened to come from the account that has more money.

Plus, I have access to both accounts online. That way, I can keep up with the balances and make sure that she records all of her VISA transactions, since she forgets sometimes. Do I question some of her expenditures? Sometimes I do. Does she question mine? Sometimes. What is so neat about this is that we are honest with each other and we have a calm conversation about it. We hide nothing from each other.

[Jack]

What does this have to do with the married finance thread?

The topic was to be about what married people do with their finances. mranderson answered this question as if he were married: "We decided to have our personal accounts so she can buy what she needs when she needs it and so we do not have to get the others permission to buy something. It may not work for you, however, it does for us." I wanted to set the record straight that this dude is not married. So what worth is his viewpoint here? He doesn't even know what it's like to manage money in a marriage.

[bandnerd]

Um, Midtowner isn't married and he responded, too. You don't have to be married to have joint finances and do the same things financially that married couples do. Yes, I know that the thread is called "Finances when married" but why pick mranderson out?

Just a thought.

[Jack]

Midtowner never acted like he was married.