Fear of pain

[Leon]

I read today that social rejection is processed in the brain in the same area and same manner as physical pain. So when someone is turned down for a date or rejected by an SO or a clique, the brain treats it the same way as physical pain.

This is not processed as minor pain such as a pin prick or papercut, it's processed as intense pain such as broken bones or a hard hit in the stomach. That's important because the brain learns not to repeat the behavior that resulted in the pain....Don't piss off the guy who punched you...don't jump from the balcony, etc.

So it was thought that a person would learn to avoid the possibility of social rejection ie. Do not approach strangers, do not ask for a date.

What do you all think of this?

[Oki_Man5]

The theory does not seem to make sense to me---I do not need to jump off a balcony to learn not to do it again: I can look over the balcony and see whether it is too high to safely sprint over it.

Now, for the theory as it applies to asking for a date: That would be an easy crutch to hold onto to convince oneself not to approach someone of the opposite sex (or same sex for some), but just like not having to jump over the railing to know it is going to hurt if I jump, maybe just sizing up the "prospect" would give some insight as to whether the other person was approachable by oneself.

How do you present yourself when you might be going to approach someone? What do you look for in one you might desire to approach?

I do not have the answers to those q's since it has been many many years since I have been in the market to approach.

Yet I will say that many people who post on here if they ever hope to impress anyone else on here need to learn to proofread, and if necessary, buy yourself a dictionary.

If I do not shut up, I will get around to saying something like this board should be renamed to "OKC Snobs" since we are so good at berating Wal-Mart shoppers.



Yeah! That has been eating on me---

Any of you found a place to meet at the Movie Shooting tomorrow?

Leon---start it off by saying you will be there and exactly how other OKC Talk Posters can fine you!

[Leon]

Yet I will say that many people who post on here if they ever hope to impress anyone else on here need to learn to proofread, and if necessary, buy yourself a dictionary.

If I do not shut up, I will get around to saying something like this board should be renamed to "OKC Snobs" since we are so good at berating Wal-Mart shoppers.

Yeah! That has been eating on me---

Any of you found a place to meet at the Movie Shooting tomorrow?

Leon---start it off by saying you will be there and exactly how other OKC Talk Posters can find you!

Is that a dig on me, Oki Man?

I missed the Wal-mart comments in the past so I can't relate to that comment.

And I don't know anything about a movie shooting. I wouldn't be there anyway; I have plans for a road trip with a "more friendly" group. Not to mention that I don't expect to meet the"OKC Snobs" in person now anyway and will never again make plans to do so. It's a waste of time.

[osupa05]

Ouch, Leon... for having never met some (or any) of us, you are quick to judge! I happen to know a few people on this site and would hang out with them any day of the week!!!!

[gbyte]

Well if I'm one of those I'm lucky but the ballpark was fun Just wish my schedule right now was a bit easier to figure out, heh

[Midtowner]

I read today that social rejection is processed in the brain in the same area and same manner as physical pain. So when someone is turned down for a date or rejected by an SO or a clique, the brain treats it the same way as physical pain.

This is not processed as minor pain such as a pin prick or papercut, it's processed as intense pain such as broken bones or a hard hit in the stomach. That's important because the brain learns not to repeat the behavior that resulted in the pain....Don't piss off the guy who punched you...don't jump from the balcony, etc.

So it was thought that a person would learn to avoid the possibility of social rejection ie. Do not approach strangers, do not ask for a date.

What do you all think of this?

Sounds like a very odd rationalization of a single person as to why they can't work up the courage to ask someone out.

[Leon]

Ouch, Leon... for having never met some (or any) of us, you are quick to judge! I happen to know a few people on this site and would hang out with them any day of the week!!!!

I have met some of you, not as many as I'd like. Not trying to start anything, but seriously, would you do so any day of the week without a week's notice? I would and I have, ask Kelly.

My bad this morning... I awoke on the wrong side of the bed with too little sleep to a reply here that completely missed the point of my original post and then turned it on me.

But to anyone who implies that I fabricated the point as a "crutch" here's the article's link:
http://karmak.org/archive/2003/12/ego-pain.html

I did not label this group, of which I am a member, the "OKC Snobs". But I will agree that many/most of the members here lack the desire or motivation to expand their circle of friends. And really that's OK, this place has never been advertised as a place to "actually meet" real people, only as a place to decipher the pixelated thoughts of other singles.

As a group of people I'd be happy to introduce most of you as friends to my other friends. I guess I'm the most sociable 'snob' I know. Maybe my lifestyle is a bit more spontaneous than most, but I don't mind a no-notice invitation to sip a brew and shoot some pool....come "as you are" because "as you are" is always OK with a friend, you won't be 'evaluated'. I don't want or need to ever plan dinner two weeks in advance. Tomorrow, next week, and two weeks from now I'll be eating somewhere and it really doesn't matter where, what time, or with whom...I'm gonna eat. In fact, I'm having dinner and going out tonight and I'll know where shortly after I climb in my truck and start it up. You wanna go?

BTW: Leon the Snob has actually met three ladies in person from this forum and enjoyed the Norman Fall Festival, movies, dinner, coffee, and drinks in some combination with them. I'll bet none of them would label me a snob.....well, maybe one, but she would be the fourth.

[Rooster_Cogburn]

Who cares about rejection? You win some, you lose some its a fact of life.

My advice to you is to trade your computer in for a life.

You are not going to find a desirable female or male (depending on your preference.) on your computer.

Most people looking for love on the internet are cheaters, psychos, those with too many expectations and those who are just looking to use people for free dates and sex.

If people do not want to meet you its there loss not yours. So why fear rejection? Real men live in the real world not on www._________.com

Besides cupid does not make house calls he works in the world of spontaneity. Which is usually in places where people congregate.

Now do us all a favor trade in your mangina for the real thing and live a little you are giving men a bad name.

At the rate your going your are about to be one of those guys with lost of girls that are friends but no girlfriend

[kellekokid]

Who cares about rejection? You win some, you lose some its a fact of life.

My advice to you is to trade your computer in for a life.

You are not going to find a desirable female or male (depending on your preference.) on your computer.

Most people looking for love on the internet are cheaters, psychos, those with too many expectations and those who are just looking to use people for free dates and sex.

If people do not want to meet you its there loss not yours. So why fear rejection? Real men live in the real world not on www._________.com

Besides cupid does not make house calls he works in the world of spontaneity. Which is usually in places where people congregate.

Now do us all a favor trade in your mangina for the real thing and live a little you are giving men a bad name.

At the rate your going your are about to be one of those guys with lost of girls that are friends but no girlfriend

Wow! That's really kinda harsh don'tcha think? Seeing that Leon was the one that got this thread started and the posted comment right before yours I can't help but read in it that you are directing your comments to/about him....my apologies if I'm wrong. I do feel like I have to make note as did Leon that he was merely posting an article and looking for people's thoughts on said article he was not infering that he live his life via his computer....which again is something he never implied he does.
Frankly no matter who the "mangina" comment was directed at it was rather over the top IMO. Really wasn't a nice thing to say to some one you know nothing of.

[Leon]

My advice to you is to trade your computer in for a life.

Thanks for that advice, Judge Cogburnt....I see you spent a portion of your Friday night-life on YOUR PC.

You are not going to find a desirable female or male (depending on your preference.) on your computer.

Or should I say, Judge Sherlock?.....Ladies, are none of you desirable?.....Judge can ask that of the fellas since that crossed his mind.

Most people looking for love on the internet are cheaters, psychos, those with too many expectations and those who are just looking to use people for free dates and sex.

Those with low standards, you say? That's obviously not the case here....If anyone's 'looking for love here'.

If people do not want to meet you its there their loss not yours. So why fear rejection?

We agree here....Get rejected by one, move on to the next....No one should ever expect everyone to be thrilled by them.

Real men live in the real world not on www._________.com

What 'real world' TV channel did Judge Cockburnt spend his Friday night watching?...After he left his PC.

Besides cupid does not make house calls he works in the world of spontaneity. Which is usually in places where people congregate.

Now do us all a favor, trade in your mangina for the real thing and live a little. Yyou are giving men a bad name.

How do you figure that posting a news story and asking others' opinions gives men a bad name? Did I do something other that that....please point it out. A real mangina?

At the rate your going your are about to be one of those guys with lost lots of girls that are friends but no girlfriend

I'm exactly where I want to be, Rooster. I have girl 'friends' and girl 'FRIENDS' intellectual and physical. I don't need or want for one to commit herself to me. The only reason for a man to commit is for the recipricol. I'll look for that when I tired of going out on Friday nights and would rather stay at home and watch A&E.

..

[Rooster_Cogburn]

Did I strike a nerve little man. The whole reason you posted this was to provoke sympathy for yourself.

So people like kelleokid would say something like "It will be otay keep your chin up......how about hug?

Maybe you should invite your girlfriends over for so they can coddle and suckle you.

This is the new America where everyone feels sorry for themselves and expects everyone else to solve their problems.

The truth hurts doesn't it.

[Leon]

Hey, Bubba, Why aren't you in bed with the little lady? Rejected you again.....get back to your internet porno

[Leon]

Did I strike a nerve little man. The whole reason you posted this was to provoke sympathy for yourself.

So people like kelleokid would say something like "It will be otay keep your chin up......how about hug?

Maybe you should invite your girlfriends over for so they can coddle and suckle you.

This is the new America where everyone feels sorry for themselves and expects everyone else to solve their problems.

The truth hurts doesn't it.

Are you drunk. Rooster?....Typing's gone bad.

[Leon]

Mr. Rooster,......at least two of us are laughing at you.....you are an entertaining momma huncha!....Tell us some more!

[Leon]

Stoop,

[Leon]

Stoop, girl,

[Leon]

Roosta, I see you're still on line.......Thinkin'?

[Rooster_Cogburn]

Nah I let losers like you ramble on... then I clean thier clock.

Especially when they talk trash about my wife.

I can say this much my kids are all mine.

Your's on the other hand were probably fathered by the mailman or the ups guy.

[kellekokid]

Stoop, girl,

Sorry honey, I'm having to stop all the "suckling" cause I'm laughing to hard at his cock of the walk comments...gotta catch my breath

[Leon]

Wow....took you a long time to come up with that.

You've been to school, huh?

Does your wife know you're hangin' in the Singles Lounge? I'll bet not. I wonder what she'd think.

I know where my child came from.....maybe you need to reconsider where YOU came from

[Oki_Man5]

Wow! This certainly got out of control.

Admittedly, when I read the opening post, no matter what kelliekokid thinks, my thoughts on it were that Leon was seeking sympathy as his reason for posting it. Was I wrong? I dunno, but I have not changed my thoughts even based on the exchange that has come thru in this thread.

Yeah! I am married too, and I know who fathered my child, but that is not to suggest I am thinking differently about anyone else.

I have not much to say here, but sometimes sympathy-seeking people are easy to spot.

[Todd]

This thread is quickly approaching the TOS limits. Read the TOS or stay off the board. Although controversial Rooster has a right to question a post or even a persons life situation.

Members, however, do NOT have the freedom to personally bash other members directly. This is NOT a public message board posting is privilege not a right.

[sweetdaisy]

Wow! This certainly got out of control.

Admittedly, when I read the opening post, no matter what kelliekokid thinks, my thoughts on it were that Leon was seeking sympathy as his reason for posting it. Was I wrong? I dunno, but I have not changed my thoughts even based on the exchange that has come thru in this thread.

Yeah! I am married too, and I know who fathered my child, but that is not to suggest I am thinking differently about anyone else.

I have not much to say here, but sometimes sympathy-seeking people are easy to spot.

One of the things you need to realize about Leon and the Singles Lounge is that he often posts thoughts and asks others to comment on them. He tries to spark discussion and get others to weigh in on it...he is NOT sympathy seeking. Leon has taken his lumps in the past and has moved forward and is therefore looking to get some conversation going amongst the other singles on this board.

So this time he posted something about an ARTICLE he read. Not his own thoughts, but something in print. I'm not sure how that can be construed as "sympathy seeking" in the least. I think you are WAY off base here, Okiman.

And for those of you who are married and being ugly to Leon for trying to spark discussion here in the Single's Lounge, please remember the name of the forum. It's the SINGLE'S LOUNGE and it's about issues we deal with. You may not always like what's in here, but you have the option of not reading what's posted.

Many of you have been married so long you have no idea the issues we singles now face. And though you may be able to "remember when", it's a whole new world of dating out there and it's NOT easy (as evidenced by some of my "rant" posts). Please be respectful to the singles here.

BTW, Rooster, you no nothing about any of us, so please tread lightly with your ugly comments about noone on here being "desireable". I would beg to differ...

[Keith]

Nah I let losers like you ramble on... then I clean thier clock.

Especially when they talk trash about my wife.

I can say this much my kids are all mine.

Your's on the other hand were probably fathered by the mailman or the ups guy.

I know you are new here, however, we must all abide by the TOS of this forum. The personal attacks that you have made are not acceptable and violate the TOS. There are many ways to post on this forum without personally attacking someone.

Consider this your first warning. We don't ever like to ban members, however, we will not put up with members that continuously violate the TOS.

As Todd said, this thread is getting very close to breaking the TOS, so everybody needs to play nice.

[Oki_Man5]

Wow! Again! Musta hit some kind of nerve that SweetDaisy has for her to come out swinging like that.

I ducked, by the way as ole Rooster walked right into the bar. LOL

So, Sweetdaisy, I am not entitled to have an opinion, or am I just not allowed to speak it in YOUR SINGLES LOUNGE? Please note that there is no "'" in Singles, so it is not posessive.

Whatever difference that^^^^makes LOL