Making the grade

[~~*DarlingDiva*~~]

Hello all,
I was just wondering for all of us parents with school age kids,what do you do with with your child when he/she isn't or is making good grades?Do you offer $?I dont Grandma does!lol Anyway this last year my youngest son made straight A's the whole year the lowest he got was 3 B,s that was for 5th grade.Of course there was all the praise and kisses and you are the greatest kid in the world time.But I felt I needed to do more See Jesse is ADHD and for him to pull off these grades was an incredible feat for him, he got the Principals Honor Award.He had a Magnificent year so,I thought and pondered and came up with it.The very day after school got out We took him to dallas and gave him a whole day at Six Flags he was in heaven!Of course there were 10 trillion people there and it was 150 degrees but He had a great time and it made himhappy So it was all worth it.So I just wanted to get your veiws and insights into how you handle these things....

DarlingDiva

[mranderson]

I see nothing wrong with rewarding accomplishments. When I was a kid, some of my classmates got up to five dollars per A as a reward. That was in 1965, so, just imagine what that reward would be today.

I got.... Nothing. Of course, until I got into High School, where were my grades?

[Midtowner]

I'm ADHD and really never struggled with grades unless there was a daily classwork grade. I tested very well but homework was just never any fun. Especially math. To this day, I still hate math. The bastards make you sit and repeat the same math skills over and over again. Do I use math today? Only in spreadsheets

[Patrick]

DarlingDiva, I think your system probably works well. Rewarding your child with a trip, money or whatever for making good grades isn't a bad idea. But just make sure when they're older that they understand that the real point of making good grades isn't to win prizes but to succeed in life.

Now, for punishment.....well, seems like I'd use the same forms of punishment for any other misbehavior. If they make bad grades, don't let them play with their friends. Take privileges away from them. Keep these policies in effect until their grades improve. And make sure they develop a good work ethic using such discipline.

[mranderson]

Punishment for bad grades. First, is there a valid reason the grades do not meet your requirements? Is the kid dyslexic, do they have another learning disability? Is or are the teacher(s) a jerk and treating the kid fairly? Is there major teasing? Do the adults in the kids life give them the right attention?

Before punishment, one should investigate the situation. Some kids have problems that cause them to naturally get what you think are bad grades. Intellegance plays a role. If all these questions have been investigated and you feel there is no answer that can be solved by other corrective action or determain that the bad grades are the best they can do, then yes. Find a punishment. Start by taking their favorite activity away. If the kid is an athlele, then they can not play sports until the grades improve. If they work, they must resign the job until the grades improve.

No. Automatic punishment is not the answer. It may just be something a professional must help with. Or in some cases, even a new school.

Remember. Adult trainee. When you become an adult, usually your employer does not "punish" you unless they have exausted all other avenue. The only thing you can not do that your employer could would be to fire the kid.

[~~*DarlingDiva*~~]

Mr Anderson,
Do you have kids?I first of all never said I punished my child for bad grades i was just trying to bring up a new topic.I do not pay Jesse for good grades he knows what his education will do for him later on.And Im sorry My son making straight As all year I was proud of him and didnt mind rewarding him with six flags!Also,Jesse is a soccer player I would NEVER take that away as a punishment so to speak because then wjhat he will be like half of americas kids on his butt playing video games I dont think so!He needs to be active outside and idfyou know anything about ADHD keeping them interested and active with things like that is the best thing for them,These Children get bored very easily and then they start to distract other children in the classroom so that is why he is on meds.ANd NO he is not Dyslexic he is extrememly smart in fact if you research most ADHD kids have very high IQ's.So if you want to start in on me on doping my child bring it on!

DD

[mranderson]

Diva. I never said you DID punish your kid. Patrick made a comment about punishment and I was commenting on that one.

To answer your question. No. I do not have kids. However, I have been a driving force in raising my nieces and my grand nephew. One develops the same skills by raising other peoples kids also.

The following was the portion to which I was responding.

"Now, for punishment.....well, seems like I'd use the same forms of punishment for any other misbehavior. If they make bad grades, don't let them play with their friends. Take privileges away from them. Keep these policies in effect until their grades improve. And make sure they develop a good work ethic using such discipline."

Oh. By the way. I know first hand about dyslexia, ADD (you guys added a letter?) and high IQ's. I AM that person.

[Keith]

My 16 year old son makes mainly A's...although he has made B's and C's. The last report card he got showed a D and an F. Needless to say, we had a little talk about it. He told me that the teacher put the wrong grades on his report card, so I told him I wanted proof.

I told him to bring me a signed statement from the teacher on school letterhead, or an updated report card, and I gave him a deadline. If he did not meet the deadline, he would lose his car and his cell phone for a while. My son knows better than to lie to me or my wife, however, his explanation sounded bogus. To my surprise, he was right, and produced all the evidence I needed to know that his grades were incorrect.

My 11 year old daughter goes to Belle Isle school, which is a very highly academic school that has strict rules. She is doing well, however, she has run in to a few problems. She made straight A's all through elementary school, however, she is at A's and B's now. Her grades have never been bad, so I have really never thought about a punishment for her.

As far as rewards? We normally take them out to their favorite restaurant to eat, and then for my son, we usually will extend his curfew an extra hour on two different Friday nights. My daughter is usually treated to a shopping trip with my wife. They will shop til they drop.

I am very blessed to have two children who are very smart and very disciplined in their school work. They sure didn't get that trait from me. I am the one that never studied in school and made straight B's and C's. I would occasionally have a good semester and bring home a couple of A's.

I am like a few other people on this forum. I don't know if it is ADHD or what, but I have the attention span of a gerbil. My mind wanders constantly, and it takes a lot to keep my attention. The only book I read is my Bible because I have no desire to read.....mainly because when I read, my mind wonders. I like to stay active....my wife calls me hiper, because I can't seem to slow down and relax.

My sister, on the other hand(one year older) made straight A's all the way through elementary, jr. high and high school, but then again, she loved to read and study. I guess that's why she owns her own computer programming company. She even excelled in college and graduated. I went to college for a while, but none of the classes kept my attention.

So, DarlingDiva, I know exactly what you are talking about when you are talking about your son. I am in the same place he is....just a lot older.

[Midtowner]

Diva. I never said you DID punish your kid. Patrick made a comment about punishment and I was commenting on that one.

To answer your question. No. I do not have kids. However, I have been a driving force in raising my nieces and my grand nephew. One develops the same skills by raising other peoples kids also.

The following was the portion to which I was responding.

"Now, for punishment.....well, seems like I'd use the same forms of punishment for any other misbehavior. If they make bad grades, don't let them play with their friends. Take privileges away from them. Keep these policies in effect until their grades improve. And make sure they develop a good work ethic using such discipline."

Oh. By the way. I know first hand about dyslexia, ADD (you guys added a letter?) and high IQ's. I AM that person.

ADHD = Attention Deficiit Hyperactive Disorder. I was actually involved in many of the pilot studies back in the 80's when they were still trying to define the condition -- I was a classic case.

And what she says is right. Many kids with learning disabilities (and I have several) also have very high IQ's. I don't want to get into a pissing contest over IQ's, but checking briefly on the Mensa page, I'm within their range

Diva, sounds like you have a great kid who has learned how to cope very well. I also applaud you in not using that ritalin crap. I'm still pissed that I was ever subjected to it. It's a learning disability, not a disease. You have to learn to cope at some point in your life and the sooner the better. You sound like a great parent!

As far as how my parents kept me focused... in 1st-3rd grade they took a trash bag and filled it with little 1-dollar toys. If I came home with a report from my teachers that my behavior was good, I got to dip my hand into the grab bag. Worked pretty well. The principal and I had a pretty good rapport though. Spent a lot of time in his office -- we played chess

I agree though... positive reinforcement works better than negative. I got my share of 'whoopins but I deserved every one of them I received.

[MasterWolf]

Hey Mr. Anderson, Why do you always have to be saying all kinds of stuff like that. What gives you the right to talk about other peoples kids and all that. Do you just come on these boards to talk smack? I think you better watch what you post...

[Patrick]

mranderson, I think your explanation above was very well thought out and right on the money. Thanks for replying to my comments.

Now, in regards to the ADHD vs. ADD debate. Well, here's the scoop from a medical student (myself) from the Psych Dept. here at OUHSC.

There used to be too different classifications. ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) was used to refer to children that were predominately hyperactive. ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) was used to refer to children and adults who predominately had difficulty concentrating, sustaining attention, etc.

Well, this has all been switched around when the latest DSM-IV,TR was released. The title ADD has been thrown out the window. Now there are three main subtypes of ADHD: Hyperactive/Impulsive Subtype, Inattentive Subtype (used to be ADD), and Combine Type (a combination of the two).

Just FYI!

By the way, ADHD is extremely overdiagnosed. It seems like everyone in today's society is looking for the magic pill to calm their kids down. Sure, there are some children out there that really do have ADHD and they benefit greatly from these medications. But, with others, parents are jsut too lazy to discipline their children.

[mranderson]

Hey Mr. Anderson, Why do you always have to be saying all kinds of stuff like that. What gives you the right to talk about other peoples kids and all that. Do you just come on these boards to talk smack? I think you better watch what you post...

Your post makes no sense to me. How am I "talkin smack?" I have not heard that term before. Plus. What give me the right to write (on a computer one does not "talk," they write) about other peoples kids?

easy answer. First. I am a grown adult. Two. I am nearly 50 years old and have been around a lot longer than most on this board. Three. The first amendment of the constitution of the United States of America.

[Patrick]

Hey Masterwolf2004, please check your PM immediately. Read my PM and reply.