Does Age Matter?

[Faith]

I was wanting some opinions on this topic. Does age really matter in a relationship or do you view it as just a number?

My cousin is dating a girl 12 years younger than him. He is 33 and she is 21. They have been dating for 4 months now, (the longest relationship for him in years!). He said he hasn't came out and told her how old he is yet but she thinks he is about 30. I met her the other night and it seems like they both really like each other. He is a little scared about the age issue. What is your opinion of age in a relationship?

[dirtrider73068]

I wouldn't have a problem with age in dateing as long as she was too much older or younger than me. I am 29 and really won't go past about 5 years but if that is a nice person and treat me right I would go further in years, just depends on the person.

[Curt]

Age to me really does not matter, compatibility does.

[osupa05]

I think age differences mean less as a person ages... because there are so many life experiences that you go through when you are in your teens and 20's, then I think it's harder to be in a relationship where there is a wide gap.. the younger person still has a lot to learn! Not that it wouldn't work... anything is possible. I just think that as you get older, you've gone through enough in life that you sort of "catch up" with older generations, in a way!

[osupa05]

Oops!

[Keith]

I think age differences mean less as a person ages... because there are so many life experiences that you go through when you are in your teens and 20's, then I think it's harder to be in a relationship where there is a wide gap.. the younger person still has a lot to learn! Not that it wouldn't work... anything is possible. I just think that as you get older, you've gone through enough in life that you sort of "catch up" with older generations, in a way!

I agree. The later on in life you get, the less you worry about age differences. My sister, who is 45, has gone through two divorces. She is on her third marriage now, and the man she married is almost the same age as our dad. In my family, things like that are looked down on (not by me). What's interesting is that she is the happiest that I have ever seen her, and even though my brother-in-law is over 15 years older, he treats her like a queen.

Don't get me wrong, though. I can't see an 18 year old girl marrying a 35 year old man, or a 17 year old boy marrying a 40 year old woman. To me, the maturity level is low when you are under 21, and, marrying someone that is 15-20 years older is simply a mistake.

[Leon]

Goddess, I think age won't be the issue there...the secrecy will be. The witholding makes it a bigger deal.....but see next post

[Curt]

Goddess, I think age won't be the issue there...the secrecy will be. The witholding makes it a bigger deal.....but see next post

That is the real problem..people need to be up front with their ages. I am, well 44 in a few days and would have no problem dating a 30 year old, but a 30 year old sure as heck would not want a 44 year old.

[Leon]

I'm thinking age may matter to me after a few years difference. I had lunch with an older, also single, lady today. She's brought this up before several times....would I consider dating an older lady. She freely admits she wants a younger man.

It's at the point now that I'm beginning to feel pressured to date her from her, her friends, and our co-workers...."Why don't you want to date an older woman?" etc. The underlying question is, why don't I want to date HER?

My question here is, why is it OK for her to want someone ten years younger and not OK for ME to want someone at all younger? A year or two younger is fine for me....but not ten years older.

It's to the point now, after today, that I don't think I want to be in her company any more. We've both supported each other through some difficult situations but I don't 'desire' her. There goes a good friendship. A kind "not interested" has not worked in the past and didn't work today.

[osupa05]

But, Leon, do you simply not want to date her because of the age? Or, are you not interested for more than that and the age thing is just easier to say (although I don't think that's an easy thing to tell someone)? Is there more than just the age that bothers you? Is there generational gap stuff that makes it more awkward or is there something else that doesn't click? Why do you think it's not "o.k." for you to want someone younger? When you "supported" each other, did you both get emotionally vulnerable so much that know she thinks that there was more there than what was? I think some girls (me, sometimes) tend to be to vulnerable and become "attached" too easily... thinking there's more there than what really is there!

[Faith]

I think I agree with most of the replies here. I don't think it makes any difference at all if they are both adults. If two people are compatible that is the most important. Being able to trust someone and work through all the issue's that will come up in a relationship is more important than age.

And Leon, yeah I think its wrong and kind of strange that he hasn't came out and just told her that he is 33. He has been dating her for 4 months now.. and I know they talk all the time. I don't know why he just hasn't told her. Its better to do it sooner than later.

[Leon]

But, Leon, do you simply not want to date her because of the age? Or, are you not interested for more than that and the age thing is just easier to say (although I don't think that's an easy thing to tell someone)? Is there more than just the age that bothers you? Is there generational gap stuff that makes it more awkward or is there something else that doesn't click? Why do you think it's not "o.k." for you to want someone younger? When you "supported" each other, did you both get emotionally vulnerable so much that know she thinks that there was more there than what was? I think some girls (me, sometimes) tend to be to vulnerable and become "attached" too easily... thinking there's more there than what really is there!

Dang, girl....lotta questions.

Basically, I'm simply not attracted to her at all. It would be easier to say the age diff is too great....easier than saying I'm not attracted.

I think it's fine for me to want someone younger...it's our mutual friends pressuring me.

Ya know, I simply don't want her....there's really nothing more to be said than that. Just a fact of life. ya think?

But you're right....I was there for her when she was hurting. Ya think I'll have to hurt her to get her to back off?

[Oki_Man5]

You danged right; age matters: I want a youngun LOL.

Can you think of a better way to leave this world behind, and that is probably what would happen if I had a youngun.

[osupa05]

Haha.. leon.. sorry! Just had to grill ya!

For me... here's one thing that's going on... I like a guy who doesn't like me back and probably never will more than just friends (although part of me knows that I would marry him in a heartbeat just because he's such great guy)! So, while I still like him and have been trying to distance myself some. It still hurts that he doesn't feel the same! So, yes, you are going to have to hurt her some... and it will hurt more because you guys were more vulnerable than just a simple "hey, you want to go out." "no thanks" kind of thing! I personally would think that if she wants to know why, then I would tell her that you're not interested in anything past a friendship.. maybe that there just not a romantic spark there for you! I don't know... just tread lightly and speak gently, but she deserves the truth!!

[Midtowner]

I was wanting some opinions on this topic. Does age really matter in a relationship or do you view it as just a number?

My cousin is dating a girl 12 years younger than him. He is 33 and she is 21. They have been dating for 4 months now, (the longest relationship for him in years!). He said he hasn't came out and told her how old he is yet but she thinks he is about 30. I met her the other night and it seems like they both really like each other. He is a little scared about the age issue. What is your opinion of age in a relationship?

I'll bet that he makes more money than his 21 year old counterparts.

Money can conquer all.

[OU Chad]

My cousin is dating a girl 12 years younger than him. He is 33 and she is 21.

He fails the "half your age plus 7" test, which I think is a pretty good rule of thumb.

Take his age (33), divide by 2 (16 1/2) and add 7 (23 1/2). According to the rule, he should not date anyone younger than 23 1/2.

[Faith]

He fails the "half your age plus 7" test, which I think is a pretty good rule of thumb.

Take his age (33), divide by 2 (16 1/2) and add 7 (23 1/2). According to the rule, he should not date anyone younger than 23 1/2.

Cool! I will be sure to tell him that! Lol! I have never heard of that test!

[osupa05]

Why do you think that is a good rule of thumb, ouchad?

[dirtrider73068]

He fails the "half your age plus 7" test, which I think is a pretty good rule of thumb.

Take his age (33), divide by 2 (16 1/2) and add 7 (23 1/2). According to the rule, he should not date anyone younger than 23 1/2.

"half your age plus 7 test" gimmie a break, I say if they are happy with each other then let it be. Its only 12 years, me and my separated wife are 5 years apart, I was with someone that was 16 years older than me. If they are happy with each other, truely love each other, than age shouldn't be that important. To me whats the first and most important thing for a relationship is the trust, if you have no trust there is no love.

[Leon]

Trust: Yep, that's a cornerstone. New thread.

[OU Chad]

Why do you think that is a good rule of thumb, ouchad?

"half your age plus 7 test" gimmie a break

I only heard about this test a few months ago. I'm not saying everyone should abide by it. Heck, I've even broken it (though I will have you know she was legal!)