Shallow???

[Leon]

Can we discuss being "shallow"?
What does shallow mean to you?
Ever turn away because of someone's appearance?
The clothes they wore?
The income they had?
Their body type?
Their education?
Where they lived?
Their color?
They're 'ugly'?
Anything else?

Personally, I'm not sure there is any such thing as being shallow. Shallow is a word the 'undesired' person uses.

Maybe one person is simply not the other's 'type'....Is anything really wrong with that.

If a person doesn't want to date you because you are ???????, does that make them a shallow person? Couldn't you simply not be their type?

Is it wrong to NOT date someone if you know going in he/she isn't your type?

Is there a reason, other than personality not to date someone, and still not be considered shallow?

[Karried]

If you are not attracted to someone for whatever reason, you just aren't attracted - I don't think you are shallow for not thinking someone is attractive.

But, the issue is that some people are beautiful inside and their personalities are great - they are kind and giving.. they would make a wonderful partner but because someone doesn't find them attractive they never get the chance to know them, they are passed over.

That is why I like the internet in some ways.. you overcome the obstacles of appearance and get to know people without the judgements.

[sweetdaisy]

I think a person could be considered shallow if they're ONLY looking for someone who is rich, good-looking, stick-figure thin, etc. If they wouldn't even consider dating someone because they make less the 6 figures or because they haven't had enough plastic surgery. (HA!)

My tendency to label someone as "shallow" would be if they were all about a person's possessions or status, and not the person as a whole.

Does this make sense?

[Leon]

I think a person could be considered shallow if they're ONLY looking for someone who is rich, good-looking, stick-figure thin, etc. If they wouldn't even consider dating someone because they make less the 6 figures or because they haven't had enough plastic surgery. (HA!)

My tendency to label someone as "shallow" would be if they were all about a person's possessions or status, and not the person as a whole.

Does this make sense?

Just for the sake of discussion....don't those things contribute to the person as a whole?
I think all those traits make up the person as a whole, along with 100 other things. Maybe shallowness depends on where someone ranks those traits as most to least important?

[Jay]

I would only call someone shallow if they said they will only date ____________.

IE: People that have money, people with flawless appearances, etc. etc.

As mean as it sounds we all want to be with someone we fill attracted to. Its just the nature of the beast. Face it if your not physically attracted to the one you love what good does it do to date them or stay with it for that matter.

I met someone recently and I wanted something to pan out of it. She a was nice successful person that I met through friends. We had coffee together but, there was just no connection between the two us.

I feel bad about it now because I made an ass of myself. Because for a few days there I let my sorry ass desperate side show. I knew there was no attraction there but, I kept hoping to make one. Then a few days later I realized that there truly was no connection.

It was nothing more than my fear of being alone a little while longer trying to win me over. Deep down I now realize this person would be a great friend but that is about it. I have since decided to let the situation go and keep my head for the next one.

Anyhow...... back to my point sorry to drift.

I think that when you meet someone you know with in the first five minutes if anything will flourish or not.

Sometimes a persons reasons are truly shallow. Other times the reasons are shallow simply that they do not want to reveal the real reason out of fear of humiliation or hurting someone.

The biggest thing a person can do to avoid this is to come out and say I am not interested before a date even happens. If your going on a blind date or setup. Meet for coffee or drinks first. Then you can say nicely that you are not interested in seeing that person.

I think if we all exercised a little more honesty and took things a little less seriously (Thick Skin More Laughs) the dating world would be enjoyed by all.

Just my opinion on the matter I could be wrong...............................

[sweetdaisy]

Just for the sake of discussion....don't those things contribute to the person as a whole?
I think all those traits make up the person as a whole, along with 100 other things. Maybe shallowness depends on where someone ranks those traits as most to least important?

Note that I said if possessions and success were THE most important things to someone (not the date as a whole), I would have more of a tendency to label them as shallow. Example, a woman starts dating a man only because he has a lot of money, lives in a certain area, has an impressive title at work, drives the "right" car. That is something I would have a tendency to label as "shallow".

So yes, I think shallowness would depend on where someone ranks certain traits.

The funny thing is, I think we all know someone who could be labeled as "shallow", however it's extremely difficult to define WHY the person would be labeled that way.

To further this discussion I must ask: is "shallow" the same as "snobby"?

[kellekokid]

maybe shallow deals with the people one dates or will have around them in their life while snobby is looking down their nose at anyone and everyone?

[sweetdaisy]

Nice to see you back, Kellekokid!

[Oki_Man5]

Is it shallow of a guy to fantasize about a near-perfect-bodied, somewhat-youngish, superb-facial-featured, sexily-attired, exuberant lady over a female who is unkempt and lets herself go in all ways of inteligence and attitude?

[windowphobe]

To fantasize? No.

But if he expects Real Life to conform to his fantasies, he could legitimately be accused of a lack of depth.

[Oki_Man5]

To fantasize? No.

But if he expects Real Life to conform to his fantasies, he could legitimately be accused of a lack of depth.

Would you please explain to this simple hillbilly what you said in the second paragraph?

[windowphobe]

Simply that if you're holding out for someone who is "near-perfect-bodied, somewhat-youngish, superb-facial-featured, sexily-attired, exuberant," and all that other good stuff, you may be in for an awfully long wait, and ultimately it may cost you more than just time.

There are three billion females on planet Earth and - what, 60 supermodels?

[Oki_Man5]

Thanks for the explanation. However, I do not know what most of the super models have going for themselves, but to me at least, most of them do not fit the description I used.

And there is a really big bunch of very exquisite ladies out there who are not in that group of 60 super models; without revealing any part of a number other than to say it is more than one, I will say that there are some ("Some" in this context could be two or many more.) pictures in the photo section that make me believe there are some here in OKC chat who fit the description.