What would you do, if...

[possumfritter]

Say you wake up one morning (always the best way to start the day), and after you have taken care of all your morning business you make your way to your puter and you notice that your 18 year old, High School Senior, that is just weeks away from graduating, and is very, very, very bright...left your computer on all night, and there's HIS Facebook "Wall" on your screen.

Being mindful of his right to his privacy, something happens to catch your eye as you are about to log off his page. Before you is the most vile and vulgar language you have ever read being posted on his very public page about what he and his high school friends would like to do to little children. Your sitting there in utter shock and disbelief reading all the horrific messages/posts.

He's occupied with term papers, preparing for finals and waiting to hear from his college of choice as to whether or not he has been accepted. You are thinking of all the plans you and he have made for his college years.

Your suddenly wondering if your 8 year old is safe?

What do you do?

[PennyQuilts]

I'd save a copy, with a date, depending on how long it will be, I'd let him finish the terms papers and finals, keep an eye on the 8 year old in the meantime, then hand him the Facebook copy on a quiet morning or evening when you won't be interrupted and the 8 year old isn't anywhere around. At that point I would let him read it and then silently raise an eyebrow while he goes through the motions of trying to shift the emphasis from his comments to your "outrageous" invasion of his privacy. When he was done arguing with the wall (Find your inner wall and keep your composure while he sputters) don't bother to defend yourself and allow him to shift the focus. It is a public forum, after all, so clearly he expected others to read it.

What is said between the two of you at that point has to be driven by how it plays. You don't have enough information at this point to know why he wrote those things but you do have enough information to know he showed, at best, extreme poor judgment, a vile streak and hangs with people who encourage such things.

He is 18. He is acting like a punk but I'd give him a chance to clear his name if he shows an interest. I wouldn't give him a pass or pretend it is nothing. It may BE nothing but he dug the hole and it is up to him to dig his way back to credibility.

The only person freaking out in that room should be him. You need to be the wall. Somethings can't be tolerated and comments about that about children are one of them. If he has any shame, let it flood over him and don't distract him from that by freaking out. He needs to know, bigtime, that you are disappointed in him and can't automatically give him the doubt. And he needs to understand that you aren't being unreasonable - he created the situation - you didn't.

Ultimately, this is not your problem other than the fact that you have an 8 year old. HE has a bigtime problem because he posted vile things about children. He needs to man up. At 18, he is old enough to know when he messed up and he needs to learn that ... well, sometimes you just need to learn from your screwups.

[possumfritter]

PennyQuilts,

Very, very, very good!

[kevinpate]

Another perspective to add to your mix.

No clue whether the fb wall is public or private. If private, only those who are friended can read (I think that's the claim anyways)

HOWEVER, that translates to only 'the friended' and anyone else who they show, tell, print and drop, leave a screen up instead of logging off, whether at home or private, downloaded saved and forwarded .... etc.

In short, post something online and the level of control for the content is simply gone. So if 'friend' bill, sue, george, hotrodin2hades or whomever decides to reveal, then it's out there. In could even be passed to law enforcement types out of a genuine concern.

Waiting until finals are past, weeks away and all ... maybe not really the best option for your 18 year old. Better you to have a conversation before someone less concerned about his future has the opportunity.

[possumfritter]

kevinpate,

His FB Wall is wide open to the public for all to see.

[possumfritter]

This is a suggestion I received froma friend, vie e-mail:

Have a long talk to him about how un-healthy these thoughts are and call a therapist immediately! His right to privacy is indeed important but as the parent your right to make sure he is healthy both mind and body supersedes this right to privacy.

True this is why you should approach him in a non-accusatory manner, but let him know that what you did read is un-settling and ask him what would be the reason for such posts. Let him know that you love him no matter what and that maybe he should speak to a person who can be objective whom is not "involved" emotionally and non-judgmental to talk about this and any other feelings and thoughts he may have, good or bad that is.

Remind him that this is serious because his posts are public for the world to see and can and will be used against him at any point in his life, therefore such public display should be taken with caution as (which is difficult for the young people to realize) later in life such posts could be used against him while applying for work, school. etc... See More... and god forbid he is ever "in trouble", the courts could actually get this information as well. We have seen over and over in the media pictures and posts used against people all the time. Google and show him this is a true possibility that this may happen.

Well I understand your dilemma but as his mother she should be told / shown.. ps... make sure your computer has not been used for illegal action as you can be falsely accused of it rather then the boy. And I apologize to assume it was your son.. Good luck with this situation as it is surely a touchy one.

[silvergrove]

The hardest thing to decipher is if he's serious or joking around with his facebook...

When you're online and you're young, you tend to know what the current memes are.

Meme - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Memes are usually generated in discussion forums (similar to this but far, far less tame) and are usually started in anonymous cesspits of the internet (there are no mods!). One of the more infamous ones is 4chan (GO AT YOUR OWN RISK). Some of these memes are funny and you guys may have seen them like the facepalm pictures with Captain Picard:



You may have also seen lolcats and the demotivational posters.

Some of the darker and more sinister memes may include jokes about pedophilia like the pedobear, Michael Jackson jokes, and whatnot.

So it could be that this high school senior is part of the internet culture and he could just be joking around with his friends. Or maybe it's worse...you would have to confront him about it.

[possumfritter]

Thank you Silvergrove. I thought of that as well, and I am glad to see it has a name. I didn't know that.

On a light note, I wonder what Data would have said?

[fuzzytoad]

one of the more infamous ones is 4chan (go at your own risk).