To Spark a Little Chat...

[Leon]

OK, folks...I thought about a poll question but, no. I want some text replies.

Forget what the statistics say...forget what Oprah and Montel say...In YOUR life, in YOUR experiences, of the people YOU knew or knew of, who cheated on their lovers or spouses more....men or women?

My experience: In my early twenties, definately men. But now, women beat them hands down. I see it so often that I think I'm reaching a point to where I won't be able to trust a woman ever again. That scares from ever committing now.

[Curt]

Women, seen it first hand too many times, and the only women that ever hit on me in bars were all married, no thanks, now days it is so easy to do and the t.v shows that are geard towards women all seem to glorify cheating and make it seem like it's ok as long as you dont get caught.

[sweetdaisy]

I have to argue that men are worse. And from what I've seen over the past 10 years, I'd also say that men in Oklahoma and Texas are worse than what I experienced from men in Michigan!

Since I've moved here I've been hit on by several married men or men involved in relationships, but it rarely happened up north. I'm beginning to wonder if men down here tend to be more insecure and don't want to leave their relationships before they have another one lined up? Don't know...

And I'm not sure if it has anything to do with age, either...my former step-father was screwing around on my mom for years and he was in his 50s at the time.

Hmmm...this leads me to wonder if we need a thread asking if people think the old saying is true: once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Leon]

Hi Daisy, yep I think once a cheater, always a cheater....almost.....I do think women will stop cheating once they reach 65 or 70 years of age. LOL Really....if they have an endless parade of men to choose from, they're GOING to have a sample now and then. I'm sure men WOULD BE worse but only if they also had a constant stream of hits on them.

[Curt]

I have to argue that men are worse. And from what I've seen over the past 10 years, I'd also say that men in Oklahoma and Texas are worse than what I experienced from men in Michigan!

Since I've moved here I've been hit on by several married men or men involved in relationships, but it rarely happened up north. I'm beginning to wonder if men down here tend to be more insecure and don't want to leave their relationships before they have another one lined up? Don't know...

And I'm not sure if it has anything to do with age, either...my former step-father was screwing around on my mom for years and he was in his 50s at the time.

Hmmm...this leads me to wonder if we need a thread asking if people think the old saying is true: once a cheater, always a cheater.

I really dont know if Michigan men are any different than Texas or Oklahoma men. I know a girl in Oklahoma that swears people in Oklahoma dont cheat beause they "just have better values", I think people are people and if you have it in you to cheat, your gonna cheat and yes, once a cheater always a cheater. I think the more they do it and get away with it the more exciting it is. I dont understand why someone would do it if they have someone already in their life that is willing to love them and be with them, why cheat? From my experience I have just seen more women that do it. My mom cheated on my dad and got pregnant, My girlfriend cheated on me, I have five friends that their wives all cheated on them and have had three married women come on to me.

[Karried]

Men - most men have higher sex drives than women. Testesterone

I think maybe in OK it is worse to get divorced than to cheat, because most people are church going religious members, the idea of being divorced publicly would be really bad.

You can always cheat in private and still eat your proverbial cake at the church picnic.

I think people cheat because something is seriously lacking in the relationship. They should fix it or break up first. Again, people want their cake and eat it too.

[Curt]

I think people cheat because something is seriously lacking in the relationship. They should fix it or break up first. Again, people want their cake and eat it too.

Exactly. What sad world it is thesedays when someone would rather go on cheating than get out or fix things ya know.

[Leon]

karried, you're right. Something's missing in the relationship...and it really could be anything...Probably genuine deep personal intimacy in several areas

[MadMonk]

I think some cheating stems from being too eager to get married. I've known many people who got married during the puppy love stage and didn't had a chance to really get to know the other person. Once the the fire burned down they discover they don't really like the other person anymore. I think a minimum of two years of dating would be enough to discover if you are really commited to the other person.

[sweetdaisy]

I would tend to agree with you, MadMonk. I think there is alot of pressure/expectations about getting married straight out of high school around here. It's really strange. And folks don't have the opportunity to experience life before they get hitched and start having babies. Therefore, when something comes along that piques their interest, BAM! They cheat.

And I would disagree with the statement regarding people being less likely to get divorced here. Don't we have close to the highest divorce rate in the country?

BTW, I dated my ex-husband for over 2 years and even lived with him for a year before we got married...wow, he was a really different person after that ring slipped on his finger.

[Curt]

I think some cheating stems from being too eager to get married. I've known many people who got married during the puppy love stage and didn't had a chance to really get to know the other person. Once the the fire burned down they discover they don't really like the other person anymore. I think a minimum of two years of dating would be enough to discover if you are really commited to the other person.

You know, as much as I dont like being alone at times, it beats being with someone you dont love anymore.

[MadMonk]

Yeah, I think its a bad thing to get married before you even have your first big fight and that was the case for one of my (now divorced) friends.

Then again, like you said, sometimes that ring tends to change things for people. I have to say though that I was never hit on as much as I was after I put on that ring (of course that was years ago ). Makes me think its a turn-on for some girls to try to make a guy cheat.

[Curt]

Makes me think its a turn-on for some girls to try to make a guy cheat.

I think in general girls get a kick out of playing with our minds. The last five have reeled me in and dumped me, I guess I am the dumb one for not learning

[sweetdaisy]

I think in general girls get a kick out of playing with our minds. The last five have reeled me in and dumped me, I guess I am the dumb one for not learning

Don't say ignorant stuff like this, mariner. You know better.

[sweetdaisy]

Y'know, there are some pretty twisted gals out there...just like there are twisted guys. Heck, the last guy I dated, I gave him numerous opportunities to stop seeing me, and what'd he do? He LIED to me about being so busy and then just up and stopped calling. Period.

I mean, never mind the guy is an idiot anyway, because I'm just the cat's meow, but... (Oh my goodness, I have to catch my breath, I'm laughing so hard after saying that! Just a moment...) it turns out that he was probably seeing someone while seeing me, too!

I can honestly say that I was not a perfect girl when I was in my early 20s, but I think some things kinda go by the wayside as you get older. Lying and cheating being a couple of those things!

Men are just as bad about mind games, etc. as women are. so there!

[mranderson]

I think in general girls get a kick out of playing with our minds. The last five have reeled me in and dumped me, I guess I am the dumb one for not learning

I know how you feel.

First. She acts nice and like she wants only me, then without warning she becomes a candidate for the giggle box.

Second. She and I chat for a long time then we go out. She dumps me because I have "baggy" pants.

Three. We have known each other by email for over a year. Suddenly, she decides I am not the one because I do not like to walk in hot weather.

Four. We date several times, saying I am a great looking guy, and acts like she is enjoying her time with me. Then, wham! She exits saying she did not enjoy the dates and I am not good looking. Well. I got even on this one. Mr. next dumper HER.

Five. I take a compassionate approach and take it real slow. Then I make a communications error. Suddenly, she is gone.

Yes, Mariner, you are correct. Five of them played with my mind, then hit the road.

[Curt]

Don't say ignorant stuff like this, mariner. You know better.

I am afraid I dont know anymore. I'll have female friends, but will not let feelings develope ( Yah right) . All in all I am happy.

[sweetdaisy]

I was mostly referring to your comment about you being dumb...stop saying silly stuff like that. YOu know you're not dumb. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having hope and faith.

And ha ha! You'll have female friends but won't let feelings develop? Oh, PLEASE! You are too funny!

[Leon]

And I would disagree with the statement regarding people being less likely to get divorced here. Don't we have close to the highest divorce rate in the country?

BTW, I dated my ex-husband for over 2 years and even lived with him for a year before we got married...wow, he was a really different person after that ring slipped on his finger.

I recall just a few years ago, the state of Oklahoma as a whole had only four (4) fewer divorces than marriages.

What is it about marriage that changes people?.....or what is it about being single that makes people hide their true selves?

[Curt]

I was mostly referring to your comment about you being dumb...stop saying silly stuff like that. YOu know you're not dumb. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having hope and faith.

And ha ha! You'll have female friends but won't let feelings develop? Oh, PLEASE! You are too funny!

Oh I know, I take things with a grain of salt, or however that goes. I know I'll have feelings again for someone, someday but I aint too worried about it now it'll happen when it happens