How to Get a date in OKC?

[Leon]

I feel your pain. Every older woman that's good looking that I talk to won't talk to me because I'm younger. They assume I'm immature or irresponsible. Boy are they wrong. I'm working on my MBA and I bought my first house at 19. I guess if they're going to assume the worst in me, I don't want to be with them anyways.

You're alright, every older woman I meet wont talk either, kids or not. I think I'm a bit to casual for them. They're looking for someone who 'appears' to be a provider. I'm a jeans and tennis shoe guy with a white collar salary looking for a jeans and tennis shoe woman. Accept that Travich for your own good....if they learn your salary, thel'll be a bigger BS'er than the mackiest of mac-daddies. You'll never trust another word they say. Never disclose your profession the first night. If they ask, just say it's a techincal field or something like "I'm in aviation."
On the flip side, buy a t-shirt that says, "My salary is $XXX,XXX" They'll pay attention then.

[Curt]

I've just read about 20 new posts in here since I last logged on.....Lotsa stuff about men approaching women, how difficult it is, why they wont do it more, etc.

I don't think I saw a single post about one of you ladies approaching a man. Be happy in the fact that you don't have to in order to meet somebody. Be happy knowing that you don't have to be half as concerned that a relationship goes bad because another is waiting just around the corner. Men don't have that luxury. If our relationships fail it could be months or years before we get another chance at ANYTHING.

Next time you go out with your female friends, make a pact, for a learning experience....each of you must approach two men and ask to talk or ask for a dance. And remember, you have a much less chance of getting shot down than we do. Imagine only a favorable outcome one out of five times. Imagine getting snickered at as you walk away. It wont take long to get discouraged.

If you don't want to dance with him, then at least dance with the courage it took to ask you.....It's like opening a door for a lady, but being unappreciative, she opens the next door over for herself.

As for passiveness, we're passive because the vast majority of the time we're unsuccessful, even for a simple conversation. Don't blame the passivity on the men, blame it on the 90% of your gender that has shot them down of which 20 percent have done so rudely.

If I go to a club, I DO NOT approach a woman, any woman, not if she's sitting at a table with friends. I know I wont before I get there, I plan not to. I'm not looking for a dance, I'm looking for someone to have lunch with one day the following week. If there's occassion to say hi to one while shooting pool or standing in line for a drink I will....there's seldom rejection there. But I will certainly never ask a woman to dance because if the answer's "no", then 100 people just saw you get shot down. And believe me they're watching and that's humiliating. We're not afraid of the word 'no'. we're afraid of the humiliation that comes with it. Besides, if she's at a table with friends, then at best you're interrupting a conversation to go there. Some say no because they don't want their friends to be left out.

Now, you ladies mentioned, they ask you to dance mainly because they want to get in your pants, us guys have repeatedly told you that's not always true. If you ladies can be strong enough to ask five guys to dance, guess what reputation you will have....."She wants to get laid."

No matter who asks who, the asker will be perceived as a desperate, horny, dog while the askee gets 100% of the power and a very slim chance of looking bad, desperate, or otherwise.

Please, go see how nerve-racking it is.

Now, I'd be happy to meet any of you at Hudson's on 240 for a beer tonight, maximum three beers then call it a night. No phone number, no feeling up, no kissing, just talk an hour and leave. Now, who could say "no" to that?

Leon, very well put and all so true. Good luck tonight at Hudsons also. I am going to see if I can get shot down again tonight, LOL.

[Curt]

Please ladies, dont take this wrong, but you ALWAYS have the upper hand in dating, you can either make us feel like complete idots when we ask you out, or you can make us feel like complete winners, usually it is like complete idiots.

[dirtrider73068]

Even if she didn't have a name tag it isn't that easy. This how hard it is for me I can't even as much make friendship with any girl, I don't know what it is about me or maybe I am just that bad looking or something. I mean all I want is a female friendship not even a date and I can't even get that much. I have even tried going into chat rooms and just for heck of it stiking up a chat or im'ed one and hi wanna chat? and the take off running and leave. So what does that mean? Was that not the right question? What is a guy just wanting a friendship and a chat partner supose to do?

[travich]

In the mean time what are you doing to build up your esteem?
I give you kudos for actually approaching women! Perhaps the women here in OKC are so accustomed to losers only approaching them that they have thier gaurd up?

Personally if a woman tells you "no" when you simply ask her to dance, thats RUDE and you should be lucky she said no, because she is not a decent person in the first place.
If any guy asks me to dance, I accept, no matter what he looks like. If they ask me nice, I will dance. Unless I just go there and sat down of course.
On the other hand a friend of mine doesnt like to dance much at all, so she will invite the guy to sit down and chat... and ya know what? most of them dont why is that?

What kinds of places do you go to Mr. Anderson?

Spooky, what if you're like me and you can't dance?

[travich]

Next time you in a location and a girl smiles at you and your not in a retail store and she has a name tag on, APPROACH HER. Dont be passive.

God I'm such an idiot. I had a girl say hi TO ME at Starbucks the other day... I thought she was just being friendly. You make it sound like if they actually talk to you, then they want you...

[travich]

You're alright, every older woman I meet wont talk either, kids or not. I think I'm a bit to casual for them. They're looking for someone who 'appears' to be a provider. I'm a jeans and tennis shoe guy with a white collar salary looking for a jeans and tennis shoe woman. Accept that Travich for your own good....if they learn your salary, thel'll be a bigger BS'er than the mackiest of mac-daddies. You'll never trust another word they say. Never disclose your profession the first night. If they ask, just say it's a techincal field or something like "I'm in aviation."
On the flip side, buy a t-shirt that says, "My salary is $XXX,XXX" They'll pay attention then.

Yeah, great point. I'm definitely a TSHirtts and jeans guy... looking for that type of woman too!

[Faith]

My two cents for what its worth........ I am not the typical woman that you guys are describing. However, I think it is all in your approach. If a guy was to approach me and ask how I was doing and start up a casual conversation then I would speak with them. I don't want a guy walking up to me and giving me a cheesy pick up line. That always makes it seem like they just want to get in my pants. But if they want to have a conversation then I will talk with anyone. I haven't been seperated long to be an expert on this but I know I will talk to a nice guy for a friendship and not just shoot him down. If I guy looks desperate and makes me feel uneasy I will turn away and run!

I fit your description as being the 24 year old halter top girl but I don't fit the personality or type of person you are describing. I like to look nice when I go out and have a fun time. Bottom line if a man approached me no matter what age or how he looked I would have a friendly conversation and then go from there. I am probably to "passive" or "shy" most of the time to do the approaching.

[Leon]

My two cents for what its worth........ I am not the typical woman that you guys are describing. However, I think it is all in your approach. If a guy was to approach me and ask how I was doing and start up a casual conversation then I would speak with them. I don't want a guy walking up to me and giving me a cheesy pick up line. That always makes it seem like they just want to get in my pants. But if they want to have a conversation then I will talk with anyone. I haven't been seperated long to be an expert on this but I know I will talk to a nice guy for a friendship and not just shoot him down. If I guy looks desperate and makes me feel uneasy I will turn away and run!

I fit your description as being the 24 year old halter top girl but I don't fit the personality or type of person you are describing. I like to look nice when I go out and have a fun time. Bottom line if a man approached me no matter what age or how he looked I would have a friendly conversation and then go from there. I am probably to "passive" or "shy" most of the time to do the approaching.

My t-shirt and jeans comment was not intended as what I look for when I go out....but the TYPE I'm seeking. It's not how I look either when I go out. It means I want someone who doesn't act like they're better than everyone around them, who appreciates an act of kindness not demands it. I want one who plants her own flowers, would at least try to help with a home improvement project, appreciates the money saved if I change the oil in her car.....COULD mow the grass if I was out of town. There has been chat in here about single mothers and men running from them....hell, "Leon" recognizes how difficult it is to be a single mom. "Leon" can appreciate that they have too much to do and too little time to do it. "Leon" was raised by a single mother.

[Curt]

My two cents for what its worth........ I am not the typical woman that you guys are describing. .

Thank GOD your not like most of the rest, where are all the other women like you, ones you can trust and ones who would love to have a nice guy, not in Michigan, thats for sure.

[Faith]

Guys they are all around! Hopefully! I'm not in your shoes but you are not painting a pretty picture for the majority of women. I would like to think maybe you just had a few bad experiences that helped you form this opinion. Don't give up hope. Real honest good women are out there just waiting for the right man. It will happen when its meant to happen.

Single women don't think to highly of single men and vice versa. No wonder singles have such a hard time trusting and finding someone that they want to be in a serious relationship with.

[Spookytourchick]

So in other words we all suck?

[Curt]

So in other words we all suck?

No

[dirtrider73068]

My two cents for what its worth........ I am not the typical woman that you guys are describing. However, I think it is all in your approach. If a guy was to approach me and ask how I was doing and start up a casual conversation then I would speak with them. I don't want a guy walking up to me and giving me a cheesy pick up line. That always makes it seem like they just want to get in my pants. But if they want to have a conversation then I will talk with anyone. I haven't been seperated long to be an expert on this but I know I will talk to a nice guy for a friendship and not just shoot him down. If I guy looks desperate and makes me feel uneasy I will turn away and run!

I fit your description as being the 24 year old halter top girl but I don't fit the personality or type of person you are describing. I like to look nice when I go out and have a fun time. Bottom line if a man approached me no matter what age or how he looked I would have a friendly conversation and then go from there. I am probably to "passive" or "shy" most of the time to do the approaching.

I am one that will have that friendly conversation with and am not into getting into a womans pants thats for later down the road. I have been hunting to have that friendship but not haveing much luck. I am very easy to get along with and easy to talk with so I have been told. I have 3 im's aim yahoo and msn if anybody wants to im an dchat a little bit. I usually don't log into the chat here since I don't ever see anybody in there. Maybe one of these days I will have my group of friends to hang out with.

[Faith]

Sorry didn't mean to sound so negative! No you don't suck!

I guess what I mean is maybe people should think more highly of the opposite sex instead of always expecting the worse. But I understand that is easier said then done when you have been screwed over once or more times before. I like to just have a good fun time and meet people. I wish everyone could have a laid back attitude instead of being uptight and on the guard. But then again I am no expert by far on relationships and dating.

[dirtrider73068]

I wish everyone could have a laid back attitude instead of being uptight and on the guard. But then again I am no expert by far on relationships and dating.

I am as laid back as anybody can get and not on guard whatever that means. Like I have said am easy going easy to talk to and easy to get along with.

[Faith]

and not on guard whatever that means.

That is pretty funny! LOL

[dirtrider73068]

See I can make people laugh and feel good, easy to get along with. Wouldn't that be a good thing in a guy. I know I would want my woman to be like that be able to make me happy and feel good. But yet I can't meet or even get any friends, think I am doomed to being alone for the rest of my days.

[Spookytourchick]

You are not doomed... if you have had relationships in the past, there is proof right there that you are not "doomed". You cant meet friends? Do you get out much?

[Jay]

Okay here is my input:

Ladies thanks......... your thoughts are a breath of fresh air. It's nice to know that women with common sense and a brain to match are still out there.

One of the biggest things I look for in a woman is, can she hold a meaningful conversation about the world around her. Does she care about more than just what is happening in hollywood and MTV?


Guys you have take a casual approach towards dating. That is what I am doing. You have to go out and live your life and make the best of what you have.

The best advice I can give on dealing with rejection is learn to read body language. If you know how to read body language you will never be rejected again. Just simply because body language gives you a snapshot of what someone is thinking.

[dirtrider73068]

You are not doomed... if you have had relationships in the past, there is proof right there that you are not "doomed". You cant meet friends? Do you get out much?

I don't get out much cause I either don't have time, have to take care of the kids or don't have enough to get out to do anything to meet anybody. I wish i could get to meet people, but I am also stil fighting my anxiety I have had for the pas year, sometimes I get scared and won't leave the house soemtimes I can.