How to Get a date in OKC?

[Spookytourchick]

Not a solution, this is a question hahaha...


Men are so passive! The one that are aggressive are usually the ones that make me want to grab my kids, my purse and run!

I have had 3 "dates" in over 3 years... not a good record I must say!
But I have yet to meet anyone that stands out.
Are Oklahoma men born and raised to be passive aka "shy?"

Its not in my nature to just go up and talk to men. The ones that give me the signal to approach usually turn out to be Married!

Also, when I have been more aggressive, the men think your a 2-bit whore and a bar fly, even while not in a bar.

So what gives? Its hard enough being 32 years old, mother of 2 and being single in OKC. So now the men are overly passive now?
Where have all the freakin men gone? :tweeted:

[Karried]

I'm thinking you are much more mature and insightful than a lot of OK men here who wouldn't know the first thing to do with someone as 'trendy' or 'hip' ( and I say this in the nicest way - I've read some of your posts so this is what I am referring to) I think either you will need to hang out with either a more 'urban & insightful' group of people that understand and appreciate a more liberal outlook or go for an older or mature man that can communicate with someone of your intelligence. Maybe I'm over analyzing here, but I think you are insightful and intelligent and I don't think the good ole boys at the truck pulls will get your particular type of intellect. I see you hanging out at some poetry readings, museum gatherings, classes, cigar clubs or even the library -but I don't picture you at the watering hole conversing with the 'locals' and them having a clear understanding of who you are and what you are about.

[Spookytourchick]

Yeah, that seems to be true... but there is something about a man that can chop wood if he wanted to ya know *wink wink*

Im torn between the super smart guys (which I have tried) and the beer guzz'lerz who live and breath for sports, there is no happy medium dammit! And I dont care for beer at all!

Im not really "trendy" and Im not really financially able to rub elbows at cigar bars. The moment they find out I drive a 10 year old Toyota Corrolla and I dont make 6 digits, I am "trash" to them.
So, I dont just dont know. Its frustrating as hell, and im telling you now to purchase stock in Energizer!

I go out sometimes and men in bars (even the decent bars) look for 20 year olds in halter tops, no matter what age they are. Men are tempted by "slut", bottom line.

Where are these places you speak of? I can not stand yokels and girlie men.

[dirtrider73068]

Your not alone, I am now 29 separated with 2 kids, and I can't even find a girl to just hang out with and talk to. I am one of the shy ones but when I am aproached I will talk and carry on a conversation with. I don't like the bars never have really, I do see it that woman that are in bars and go to the guys want either drinks bought for them, money or a good romp in the sack. Guys in bars want to buy ladys drinks get drunk and look for a good romp in the sack, kinda why I stay away from the bars. I have been trying for a year to just be able to find friendship with a girl maybe even have some benifits but not neccassiaery(sp) any girls I have come across are either too far away or turn out wierd one way or another. One thing that gets me is when they see me or a pic of me they tell me I am cute but then quit talking to me or don't want to get together to have any fun. I have always wondered what I do wrong. But I haven't been around girls much and being married for 4 years, and now separated how do I aproach a girl to tell her hey I am only separted can we be just friends? And I am one that I really don't like to aproach the girl first afraid of what she will do or say if I try to talk her.

[Leon]

Oh, now,.....I can see this thread lasting a while. Good topic.

Where do women hang out besides night clubs to meet someone? Tell me, I'm there. I've thought about seminars, lectures, exhibits. But it'd have to be something that interest me or that I'm familiar with in order to strike up a conversation. I couldn't attend a poetry reading and then say, "Wow, that was great!".

I like the question, Spooky 'cause I'd really like anything close to a right answer.

There are VERY few women to meet in my profession and the bar chicks are always too something.....young, old, skanky, already with someone,...fill in the blank.

I'm just a regular guy. I like white bread, black coffee, blue jeans, and blonde, brunette or red hair. I like beer, I do and will go to truck pulls, car shows, baseball games (I've even coached little league) car races. But I dunno if I'd approach a woman who would go to those things un-escorted. (She might know more about it than I do.) I have a great job with great pay. I'm not as educated as those around me but I'm freakin' good at what I do and I do have the greatest amount of responsibility and leadership abilities. Hell, I just won an annual award today.....came home and had no one to tell about it.

[travich]

I'm the happy medium, but I don't want kids. :P

[Spookytourchick]

Congrats on your award!

Not sure, I go to the grocery store hahahh And I go to 7-11 a lot.
I visit the park, but if I seen a guy there without children I would do that "running" thing, but Im sure the cops would be involved somehow.


I dont know where to meet people thats what Im asking. Are you what I would consider to be passive? Not getting past the friendly smile?

I hate that, a guy smiles at you and then he walks away. Then I start to get a complex thinking he was laughing at me!! :surrender

[Spookytourchick]

I have kids, not ever having any more.

I wish you luck!!!!

[Leon]

Congrats on your award!

Not sure, I go to the grocery store hahahh And I go to 7-11 a lot.
I visit the park, but if I seen a guy there without children I would do that "running" thing, but Im sure the cops would be involved somehow.


I dont know where to meet people thats what Im asking. Are you what I would consider to be passive? Not getting past the friendly smile?

I hate that, a guy smiles at you and then he walks away. Then I start to get a complex thinking he was laughing at me!! :surrender

Not sure what you mean by 'passive'....I wouldn't try to feel anyone up within the first ten minutes. Depends on if the signs would be there. How long should it take to kiss the first time? I wouldn't move without a sign, at least her being within the 'personal' space. I think that's 12-18''

[travich]

Good luck to you too!!

[Karried]

Leon- Congratulations on your annual award!!

Well, I don't know that I should even be giving my opinion since it's been a long time since I was on the dating scene and things have probably changed quite a bit -

I have strong feelings on this one. I used to tell myself and make myself believe that I wasn't going out strictly to meet someone. I was going out to enjoy my self with my friends. If I did meet someone, it was a perk, if I didn't I made some great memories with all of my friends and still had a good time. Nothing says desperation more than going out and feeling like you just have to meet someone and giving off that aura of wanting so badly to meet someone that night. It is obvious and sort of a turn off to some people who aren't wanting to get that serious. It's like telling someone on the first date that you want to marry him and have his babies! (But I do remember feeling that way sometimes, it's human nature to want to meet someone special, I guess you have to really psyche yourself out and change your mindset to just having a good time instead of going strictly to meet someone) .

I used to get together with girlfriends and go out to the lake, beach or dancing to the clubs or - we didn't wait to be asked to dance, or for someone to buy us a drink. We made a pact ( we were younger then) that we wouldn't go home with someone for a one night stand or leave anyone behind. We then proceeded to laugh, have fun and went out on the dance floor and danced the night away. Time and time again the guys would join in with us dancing and enjoying the evening. There were hundreds of more attractive available ladies out there but who do you think the guys wanted to hang out with? Not the beauty ice queen sitting in the corner alone and unapproachable.

Long story short, you will probably meet more people when you least expect it, while you are having fun and living life rather that being on the prowl and having high expectations.

How about a dance class - line dancing, ballroom? Swing? I think that would be fun or even a gym with co-ed aerobic classes - I've never had so much fun when a guy joins in on a step class and is a total cutie klutz but laughs and tries with gusto to learn the steps. How attractive is that ? Fun loving with a good sense of humor is so important.

How about starting a game night or card club like Texas Hold Em or something similar with your friends and inviting more friends and singles to join in?

Volunteer work is a good way to meet people and make a difference and make yourself feel good as well.

I know it must be harder in this day and age to find someone, it 's a bit more complicated but now you have technology and ways to get to know someone based on personality and not just looks.

The grass is always greener, many married people assume that the single people are having so much fun and having the time of their lives... and single people envision married bliss - reality check for everyone - we all have to make the best of our situations and work on being positive and happy - we only get one chance to live this life. This is what I'm trying to do, make the best of life with a positive and optimistic view and some days are harder than others, but I keep trying anyway. Best wishes to everyone ....

[Spookytourchick]

I agree %100!

I have been single over 3 years now, and I will admit in the past year I have developed the I dont care attitude. Im not "looking" on the level as some, because i am fine being single. I have a busy life and I dont dwell on the fact that I dont have someone at home waiting for me.

I personally used to be slightly bitter and offended when I went out and about, I dont care anymore I just go out to have fun these days. But on the other hand, men still do not approach me... But Im sure there will be a brave non-passive soul one of these days that will want to talk to me.

Its not easy being single these days at all! And if you think for a moment that you will be alone "forever" and use the words "never" and "cant" then its not a good thing.
I like the word "yet". Im sure it will happen one day. But im human, it gets frustrating at times, but its usually not that big of a deal when I wake up the next day.

I just stay busy, and try to squeeze in as much fun as I possibly can, either with my kids or my friends, or both!

I agree about the desperation factor when it comes to being single.
I have friends who fit into this catagory, they do pretty much everything but sell thier soul to get attention from the opposite sex, and im embarrased for them.
I recommend everyone who is single and having difficulties with it to go talk to someone about it. be it a close friend or a professional. It will help just to get things out and allow yourself to whine at times.

I would just like to find places to meet people, not for a boyfriend, but to just socialize mainly. Just tired of the same people at different places. Meat markets stink!


Have some fun! Go play at the park, white water or frontier city! I do it as much as I can!!!

[JustaGirlOKC]

I agree with Spookytourchick for the most part. Men seem to be more and more passive about the dating thing. I have been single for ages, ages. I'm 37 now, and don't care either way. What bothers me the most is the married men who think that you are single and so they might stand a chance-bored with their marriages or whatever. The insult of it! grrrr..

[Spookytourchick]

Oklahoma men are passive!

I was in Philidelphia not too long ago. And while I was there, I had countless guys approaching me (on the street, inthe hotel etc..), and a few of them wanted my # and actually asked me if I wanted to go on a date sometime... It was NOT a "sex" thing, it was a "I would like to get to know you thing"...I had to break it to them that I lived in Oklahoma

Its the men here, people will argue and they dont believe me! I have traveled slightly around enough to know there is a difference!

I LOVED PA, well the men in it! It ROCKED!


Yeah, whats the deal with the married men? Im tired of that. Thats the first question I ask these days, ring or not, I ask then ask again.

[Faith]

It seems like from your experiences that married men seem to be very straight forward and open with single women. They are not afraid of rejection b/c they are already in a relationship. It is probably because they aren't out seeking a relationship or looking for their "soul mate". Instead they are looking for a little fun for the night or evening. Which is VERY WRONG but, it does seem like it happens all the time. I wonder if married women come across the same way to single men.

[Curt]

I wonder if married women come across the same way to single men.

The answer is yes, I have never had a single woman come up to me and want to dance, or do anything else, but I have had a few married women come to me for just sex. I think married women are just as bad at that as married men. It is so easy to cheat thesedays and get away with it, as long as they meet someone in a bar one night and dont exchange numbers and both parties know it is just a one night stand they seem to think it is ok. I dont understand people thesedays.

[Leon]

The answer is yes, I have never had a single woman come up to me and want to dance, or do anything else, but I have had a few married women come to me for just sex. I think married women are just as bad at that as married men. It is so easy to cheat thesedays and get away with it, as long as they meet someone in a bar one night and dont exchange numbers and both parties know it is just a one night stand they seem to think it is ok. I dont understand people thesedays.

I travel a LOT. Overall, I think VERY few people actually cheat on their spouse or lovers. Oh, I can say there are 1/2 dozen instances I'm aware of over 24 years of traveling. Maybe I'm an ugly MF, but it's never happened to me.

Damn, folks!!......Companionship!!!!....That's what's needed! Good companionship equals the world's BEST sex.

This place is starting to depress me. Hell, I'd be happy just to talk with someone for a while. I think it's best for me to bow out of here for a few days. Black and white letters on a PC screen aren't cutting it. I'll check the other threads before signing off, then, that's enough. This **** hurts!

[travich]

[QUOTE=okcgoddess]I wonder if married women come across the same way to single men.
QUOTE]

Maybe not as much, but I've been propositioned by a couple of married/serious relationship women.

[Leon]

[QUOTE=travich]

I wonder if married women come across the same way to single men.
QUOTE]

Maybe not as much, but I've been propositioned by a couple of married/serious relationship women.

I think women are much more likely to cheat.

Imagine any nightclub, let's say the mix is 50/50, men/women. how many women will get hit on by men? I'd say 45....how many times per woman that night, 5?
So 45 women get five chances each.


How many men will get hit on by women. I'd say 10....how many times per man, 2? so ten men get two chances each.

What I'm saying is: a higher number of women get a greater number of chances to cheat with more choices of who to cheat with.

I might agree that a higher number of men would cheat, but a higher number of women actually do.

I spend about 25% of my life living in Embassy Suites hotels. With the exception of the morbidly obese, no woman walks into a hotel bar alone and leaves without a chance to get laid.

[Curt]

[QUOTE=Leon]

I think women are much more likely to cheat.

Imagine any nightclub, let's say the mix is 50/50, men/women. how many women will get hit on by men? I'd say 45....how many times per woman that night, 5?
So 45 women get five chances each.


How many men will get hit on by women. I'd say 10....how many times per man, 2? so ten men get two chances each.

What I'm saying is: a higher number of women get a greater number of chances to cheat with more choices of who to cheat with.

I might agree that a higher number of men would cheat, but a higher number of women actually do.

I spend about 25% of my life living in Embassy Suites hotels. With the exception of the morbidly obese, no woman walks into a hotel bar alone and leaves without a chance to get laid.

I am gonna have to agree with you leon.

[sweetdaisy]

I would have to disagree. I've been in plenty of bars and haven't had a single hit. And surprisingly, I'm not obese! Actually, I've always thought I was pretty attractive. Perhaps I don't look needy enough?

Or could it be the passive nature of the men in OKC???

Would LOVE to know the secret to getting a date with an attractive SINGLE man in OKC.

[BricktownGuy]

Leon, sorry hate to make it two in a row, but.. again have to disagree with you.

I think men and women BOTH are equally likely to cheat.

I have spent 98% (the other 2% I was in college) of my life working at a hotel (parents own a few), and yes women do walk into a hotel bar alone and leave without a chance to get laid.

[Leon]

Daisy, I've read the term 'passive men' in these forums several times recently. Can you tell me a little more about what that means?.....They wont approach you?....They wont try to kiss you?....They wont repeatedly ask you for a dance?.....What's that mean? It takes a lot of nerve to approach a woman. What is passive? What is agressive? When do you ask for a phone number?

You wanna get approached, let the man see you smile at him and don't look away the instant he looks at you.

[Spookytourchick]

Im with you sweetdaisy!

There is nothing wrong with my appearance at all.Im far from "fat" and I look nice and fun. When I go to bars men are oblivious to me and a couple of my friends. So, we sit and talk and have a good time, we get up and dance & act silly & everything. No "hits", i think its a mix between men being passive and men even the older ones who want 21 year olds in halter tops. Men are too media influenced? I observe people, not watch them, observe them. Thats what I like to do, and this is what I see.

I will admit that I have the occasional 23 year old frat boy hit on me, here is thier "line" how old are you, I slightly tell them then they are all over me. Ummm, im nobody's "sexual teacher and I have no patience with 23 year old frat boys who are looking to "hook up" with an "older" woman.

Like I said, the late 30's to early 40's men who still have some damn life in them (not sucked out by bitter relationships and divorce) are seeking 20 year olds, they all having a mid-life crisis'?

[sweetdaisy]

Perhaps I shouldn't use the word passive. Like spookytourchick, I tend to observe men going after the youngest, drunkest, sluttiest-dressed girls in the bar. Again, I guess this is not "passive" behavior, it's more along the lines of a predator looking for the weakest prey. My bad.

And I'm not looking for a man to try kissing on me right away. I'm just wondering why it's such a difficult thing for a guy to try to get to know a girl for a few minutes before diving onto the dance floor or asking for a phone number. I'm not going to do either if I can't at least chat for a few minutes.

I know it's a VERY difficult thing for a guy to get up the nerve to go up to a complete stranger. I have a lot of respect for guys who can do it without being completely boozy.