Most Favorite Blonde Jokes....

[Karried]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and
one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther
away..........Florida or the moon?
"The other blonde turns and says
"Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She
says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "And, how often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the
other side?"The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can
you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLOOOOOO," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

[mranderson]

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to ask for directions.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a ligght bulb? Five. One to screw in the light bulb, and four to shop in the mall.

[Karried]

The Tree

A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blond chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blond began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...

"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth".

[Karried]

Blonde Kidnapper

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

[windowphobe]

The repo man is at the door. "Ma'am, we've come to pick up your storm windows and doors. It's been thirteen months and we still haven't gotten a check from you."

"Shows what you know," says the blonde. "The installer said they would pay for themselves in a year."

[Karried]

The Coke Machine

A blonde is over at this Coke Machine putting fifty cents in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the Coke, putting it in her pockets. After a while she has a Coke in every pocket. She keeps going, stacking the Cokes around her on the floor. Finally, the guy
behind her, getting mad, asks her, "What Are You Doing?! She responds, "Duh, I'm winning."

[Curt]

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.
We don't have any, replied the first blonde.

Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses. said the Game Warden.

But officer, replied the second blonde, we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river.

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. Well, I know of no law against it, said the Game Warden, take all the debris you want. And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. What a dumb Fish Cop, the second blonde said to the other two, doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!

[Curt]

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body
hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She
pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere
she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead are you?"

No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

[Keith]

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the
subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made
for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a
circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER
THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos
of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the
heaven the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite
end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut
her hole.

The voice came once more , "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

[El Gato Pollo Loco!!!]

Two Blondes walk into a bar. The Brunette ducks...

[suzi]

A blonde took her car that was covered with hail dents to the body shop. The guys decided to have a little fun with her and told her if she took it home and blew in the tailpipe all the dents would pop out. She takes it home, is in the driveway blowing on the tailpipe when her blonde room mate walks up. She asks her roomie what she is doing. The roomie tells her but says she's been doing it for hours and it hasn't worked yet. She looks at her and says "Duh, the windows are down!"

[Keith]

Pregnant Blonde:

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway,

the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

I said "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and Down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more. "I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" she said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I Asked her how she knew. She said, (You're going to love this!)

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"