Oklahoma the Friendliest, Coldest place on Earth

[PurpleChicken]

Been here for a while, almost a decade, and lived all over the U.S. People are friendly, on the surface. Inside ppl are cold, the culture is cold. Other places I've lived people from work like to get together and hang out. Make friends, do things. Here, After work ppl return home and that's it, that's our experience. (side note, unless you drink or are into sports) Thoughts?

[HangryHippo]

Now that you mention it... I was talking about this very thing with a friend from the east coast awhile back. I can’t say I had ever noticed, but my friend was saying this had been her experience here and it got me thinking. In hindsight, maybe?

[bucktalk]

I guess it depends on how far your sphere of influence runs. I know people who keep their influence circle small due to trust, relationship commonality, etc. But others are in places where lots of people gather (pre-Covid). There have been places in/around OKC where there were so many people gathered you wonder where everyone came from. I suppose it comes down to how far you want your sphere of influence to reach?

[Bill Robertson]

When I first read the original post my first, totally Homer, thought was how dare you!!! Oklahomans are the friendliest people in the universe! But after an hour or so reflecting. And thinking about the specific statement about sports and drinking I’m changing my opinion. For the most part most of my adult relationships with “friends” revolves around drinking or sports. Otherwise I pretty much go to work, come home, and go in the house. Repeat daily. There’s one neighbor I know well enough that I’ve been in their house, a couple others that we wave/ say hi. The rest I’m clueless about. Coworkers often talk about getting together but it never happens. Maybe there is something to this idea about us.

[Bill Robertson]

I guess it depends on how far your sphere of influence runs. I know people who keep their influence circle small due to trust, relationship commonality, etc. But others are in places where lots of people gather (pre-Covid). There have been places in/around OKC where there were so many people gathered you wonder where everyone came from. I suppose it comes down to how far you want your sphere of influence to reach?

I don’t want to speak for the OP but I don’t think gatherings are what he’s talking about. My wife and I, pre COVID, went to a ton of 70s, 80s, 90s bands concerts. We were around tens of thousands of people that we never saw before and will never see again. Not relationship material.

[Plutonic Panda]

I agree mostly. Oklahoma doesn’t seem to be that much more friendly than other states. Lots of fake people in Oklahoma but then again so does Cali.

[Pete]

In California, we had a block party on the 4th of July and I was invited over by at least 9 different households (just did a quick count and I'm sure I'm forgetting some).

That hasn't happened once here, and I just had my 4th anniversary in my home.


When I was leaving to move back here, 4 people (that I can remember) came over, said goodbye and actually cried. I don't have anything like that sort of connection in my current neighborhood. You (and I up until recently) would have thought the exact opposite.

I think people are superficially friendly here but because most have lived in the area pretty much their whole lives, they have tons of family and friends and generally don't go out of their way to include others or even think about them much.


I will say, however, that when I go out (or used to - stupid pandemic) it's far, far easier here to meet new people and just start up a conversation. That almost never happened in L.A.

In other words, if you make a little effort people here tend to at least be friendly, even if it's only on the surface.

[PurpleChicken]

In California, we had a block party on the 4th of July and I was invited over by at least 9 different households (just did a quick count and I'm sure I'm forgetting some).

That hasn't happened once here, and I just had my 4th anniversary in my home.


When I was leaving to move back here, 4 people (that I can remember) came over, said goodbye and actually cried. I don't have anything like that sort of connection in my current neighborhood. You (and I up until recently) would have thought the exact opposite.

I think people are superficially friendly here but because most have lived in the area pretty much their whole lives, they have tons of family and friends and generally don't go out of their way to include others or even think about them much.


I will say, however, that when I go out (or used to - stupid pandemic) it's far, far easier here to meet new people and just start up a conversation. That almost never happened in L.A.

In other words, if you make a little effort people here tend to at least be friendly, even if it's only on the surface.

I also lived in California (Orange county) and had so many friends from many different backgrounds and ethnicities who we would connect and hang out in a park or go to a cafe. I know so many people here yet sit at home most of the time outside of work.

[bucktalk]

But it's also true, 'to have a friend you have to be a friend'. If you were to say you've invited 30 different people to your place, hosted them graciously, but they never returned the favor or hand of friendship then that's a different story. But if you're standing on the sidelines and wonder why no one is inviting you over - then maybe you need to start the friendship circle.

[Bill Robertson]

But it's also true, 'to have a friend you have to be a friend'. If you were to say you've invited 30 different people to your place, hosted them graciously, but they never returned the favor or hand of friendship then that's a different story. But if you're standing on the sidelines and wonder why no one is inviting you over - then maybe you need to start the friendship circle.

And now I’m going to sound like I’m arguing both sides. There is merit to this point. My first wife was VERY outgoing. So much it bothered me at times. We lived on a street that had a couple other women with similar personalities. We had planned block parties every month and impromptu driveway cookouts more often than that. So its not like it can’t happen.

[bucktalk]

And now I’m going to sound like I’m arguing both sides. There is merit to this point. My first wife was VERY outgoing. So much it bothered me at times. We lived on a street that had a couple other women with similar personalities. We had planned block parties every month and impromptu driveway cookouts more often than that. So its not like it can’t happen.

I've extended a lunch meetup with a couple of posters on OKCTALK -even the administrator. Of course not everyone can accept -and that's okay too. At least I took the first step!

[rezman]

I’ve lived here all my life. And it is easier to strike up a conversation with a stranger here than in other places. For instance when your standing in line waiting to enter somewhere, or something like that. I wouldn’t call us fake. I would say guarded, or reserved. I will say that with the influx of folks from out of state over the last 20 - 25 years, and as they have brought in their own cultures and attitudes from where they are from, people as a whole have become less friendly.

I can say that in all my working life, I’ve never liked hanging out with people I work with after work. I’ve done special occasions with coworkers, but I would never make a regular thing of it.

[Bill Robertson]

I've extended a lunch meetup with a couple of posters on OKCTALK -even the administrator. Of course not everyone can accept -and that's okay too. At least I took the first step!

Post COVID I would accept!

[PurpleChicken]

Perhaps it’s a cultural thing. Without an interest in sports, drinking or church (btw) we’re left out of any topic type conversation interests.

[dclark87]

I think a lot of it is driven by the housing stock. If you live in the suburbs, it’s very easy to pull into the garage and avoid interactions with the Neighbors.

Now, I think some of this could start to change if we see more developments like Wheeler, but it feels like we’re a long way from that point.

[HangryHippo]

Perhaps it’s a cultural thing. Without an interest in sports, drinking or church (btw) we’re left out of any topic type conversation interests.

Not being into church here can be a real drag.

[bucktalk]

Post COVID I would accept!

Sounds great to me! Side note: there used to be OKCTalk meetups at one point. If those resume then those who need more connection should take advantage of the meetup events.

[Pete]

One big difference here as opposed to big cities in particular is that virtually everyone here is married (or at the very least coupled off) and with kids and ultimately grandkids. And if someone divorces, they move very quickly towards the next serious relationship/marriage.

They are very involved in their immediate and extended family and all the social interactions seem to be about kids in one way or another.

I don't have children and in California even if people did, they had one or two max and for the most part, they only spent the younger years really focused on their kids and even then, not nearly like people are here.

[PaddyShack]

As a young family, we have one child who is about to turn 2, we can attest to the change in our friend circle. Before having a kid we were invited out pretty much weekly, if not a couple of times a week. But since having a kid we only ever get invited to the church stuff by other families. Life here seems to be centered around sports, be it OU/OSU or little league sports, if you are not into one, you better be going to church if you want to talk to adults. My team at work has had a number of happy hour meets, all at different times, but they never feel genuine to me and I only have one coworker, be it he works in another department, that I meet up with outside of work, and that is usually to go to Energy FC matches.

Like Pete said, I am from OK and my Wife is too, be it from Weatherford and not OKC. So we haven't lived in another state to get a taste of what the differences are. I do agree that it seems easier to start conversations with random people here than when we have traveled to other states.

We had some new neighbors move in across our street from GA, they have started playing cornhole in their driveway every few nights. I think if more of us would move our outside time to the front yard then we would meet more neighbors and have a better sense of community.

[Bill Robertson]

Sounds great to me! Side note: there used to be OKCTalk meetups at one point. If those resume then those who need more connection should take advantage of the meetup events.

The couple of those meet ups I knew about I was in different degrees of not able to walk so I felt like I had to pass. That’s not an issue now.

[Thomas Vu]

Sounds great to me! Side note: there used to be OKCTalk meetups at one point. If those resume then those who need more connection should take advantage of the meetup events.

The last one I remember seeing was when slaughters hall was around.

[TheTravellers]

Milwaukee's colder than here, both in climate and cliques, we *hated* it there, but we were "outsiders". All the points upthread are valid - we don't have kids, and are on our first marriage (25+ years), which is very much a minority here in OKC (and OK), we don't go to church or care about sports, so we just don't have many friends. We also were away for 15 years or so, and don't have continuity with people we knew from here (wife is from Indiana via NC, so she's never had a history here). I also worked after school from 13 years old and through college, so didn't have much time for making friends in college (also lived in an apt, went to CSU (now UCO), so didn't have the "college life"). Another thing is the sprawl of OKC (similar to Chicagoland, where we also lived) - if everybody you work with drives 20-30 minutes from all points of the compass and has kids, nobody's going to want to do things after work.

We do get together for the Neighbors Night Out and have met lots of the people in our neighborhood (Venice), which is way better than when we lived way up north and knew only our immediate next-door neighbor. But most of them are 20 years older than we are or 20 years younger than us (with kids), so not much happening there. Oh, and I don't like my co-workers well enough to do anything with them except maybe a lunch.

[jerrywall]

I guess it depends on your circles and what you do. I'm not overly friendly with my neighbors (a trait I inherited from my father) but my entire adult life I've been involved in so many things that I've never felt like I didn't have a large community of folks I regularly interact with. Between my running club, the biker community, the local fandom communities (which are very active), and all of the groups and orgs we got involved with because of our kids (scouts, band, football, etc). Of course, that may be a lot of it right there. A lot of folks are social through their kids activities and so those without kids might have less opportunities to be social that don't involve alcohol and sports.

As for coworkers, I picked up a habit in my 20's not to socialize or develop personal relationships with coworkers. If it's a work event, that's fine, but I've never been to a coworkers house or at a personal event.

[jedicurt]

have grown up in rural oklahoma and moving to the OKC area, and say there certainly is a difference in friendliness. in Rural towns, it was basically a block party. we have friends over for dinner or were at a friends family table for dinner most nights, and there were two to three families at each, and it always changed who was there. certainly don't see that in OKC or surrounding towns. So i concur with the Urban and sub-urban population being this way. i haven't lived in Rural OK now since 2005, so can't really speak as to if it has changed or not anymore.

I'm still a very friendly person all the time, and i know it has made some look at me weird. but it's just how i was raised. I remember when we hosted University of Cincinnati for football... O'Connells was going to host a party for their alumni who came, and this was that weird time where the old OC was still open and the new OC was about to open. well the party was for being kind of a soft opening for the New OC on campus corner. the bus that brought most of the Alumni from Cincinnati dropped them off at the old OC and drove away. So i just said, well everyone who can walk about half a mile, follow me!!! and lead the whole group on a tour of campus that ended at the Campus Corner for their party! they were even nice enough to invite me in to their private event and refused to let me pay for anything. it was a great evening, and i have even gone to Cincinnati and met up with a few of them since!

[PhiAlpha]

have grown up in rural oklahoma and moving to the OKC area, and say there certainly is a difference in friendliness. in Rural towns, it was basically a block party. we have friends over for dinner or were at a friends family table for dinner most nights, and there were two to three families at each, and it always changed who was there. certainly don't see that in OKC or surrounding towns. So i concur with the Urban and sub-urban population being this way. i haven't lived in Rural OK now since 2005, so can't really speak as to if it has changed or not anymore.

I'm still a very friendly person all the time, and i know it has made some look at me weird. but it's just how i was raised. I remember when we hosted University of Cincinnati for football... O'Connells was going to host a party for their alumni who came, and this was that weird time where the old OC was still open and the new OC was about to open. well the party was for being kind of a soft opening for the New OC on campus corner. the bus that brought most of the Alumni from Cincinnati dropped them off at the old OC and drove away. So i just said, well everyone who can walk about half a mile, follow me!!! and lead the whole group on a tour of campus that ended at the Campus Corner for their party! they were even nice enough to invite me in to their private event and refused to let me pay for anything. it was a great evening, and i have even gone to Cincinnati and met up with a few of them since!

I had a similar experience when Notre Dame came to OU. Ended up making a bunch of friends that invited me up for the game in Southbend the following year and that I still talk to occasionally now. Gotta love college football.