Quote Originally Posted by jacodenn View Post
To me, the most important thing to do in times of crisis is share your feelings, your thoughts. That is so much better than holding onto it waiting for the valcano to explode.
Hmmm. When I was younger, I used to buy in to that but I don't anymore. I have found that in times of crisis, the last thing anyone really needs is a discussion of feelings. You can discuss feelings after the fire has been put out.

Moreover, when it comes to kids, staying calm may be the best thing you can do for them. I have seen so many children put through the blender because their parents are more focused on their own feelings than their responsibilities to their children.

I also used to buy into the idea that you have to "get it out" to keep from exploding. Now, I think that is based on a false premise that I wish had never been dumped into the public domain. Not everyone explodes if they aren't given the opportunity to spill their guts. And a lot of people want to hold the rest of the world (or at least their mate or family) hostage to their diatribes with what amounts to emotional blackmail - i.e., listen to me or watch me blow.

Go work out at the gym or (and this is traditional) scrub the kitchen floor if you are ready to explode. After you calm down, THINK about what you need to do. Make decisions when you are calm. Follow through with changes instead of reacting to your feelings and just staying in the same old relationship gerbil wheel. Emotions have a physical component and you end up dumping stress hormones into your system when you feel under attack - how many of us have spilled our guts to get it out and lived to regret hurting the people around us? And making NOTHING better.

It isn't about spewing to keep our emotions in check. It is about using our brains to make good decisions so we don't place ourselves and our children, repeatedly, into situations where our emotions are guaranteed to try to overflow their banks.