FIFTY WAYS TO QUIT YOUR CONFERENCE

Texas A & M says bye-bye to the Big 12. Seeking greener pastures, very likely the S.E.C.

The Aggie players in this decision are Richard Loftin, president; Bill Byrne, athletic director; Mike Sherman, head football coach; Billy Kennedy, men’s basketball coach; Gary Blair, women’s basketball coach; Kelly Bond, assistant women’s BB coach; Jo Evans, softball coach; Pat Henry, track coach; Rob Childress, baseball coach.

Delos Dodd, the athletic director of the University of Texas, advises the Aggies in a somewhat Paul-Simon-esque manner:

“The problem is all inside your head,” Delos Dodd once said to thee.
The answer is easy if you take it logically.”
And he said he’d help in your struggle to be free.
There must be fifty ways to quit your conference.

“Get on the stick, Dick
You know the drill, Bill
Jump on the barge, Sarge
Just set yourself free. J

Jump on your bike, Mike
Don’t try to be silly, Billy
Get a new bag, Ag
Just set yourself free.”

He said it’s not to my advantage to dish out this advice.
But this is what you wanted, don’t say I wasn’t nice.
I’ll repeat myself, cause with you, Aggie, I need to say things twice
There must be fifty ways to quit your conference.

“Don’t be so wary, Gary
Go out with a flare, Blair
Get up and go, Jo.
Just set yourself free.

Get on the tele, Kelly,
Don’t just stand pat, Pat
No need to sob, Rob
Just set yourself free.”

He said it grieves me to see you in such pain.
Because I know how your mind is in a strain.
Since you’re an Aggie, I don’t think I need explain
About the fifty ways to quit your conference."