Is it wise to date a co-worker?

[Jay]

I have a personal rule that I will not date someone that is a co-worker. I think that you should have a little bit of absence from your sweetheart. Each person should have his or her own work life and some type of a social life. As they say, absence makes the heart fonder and sometimes you need someone to talk to besides your mate. This idea also gives the two you new things to talk about and neither person feels isolated in the relationship.



Do you agree or disagree? Or am I out of touch with today’s dating scene because it has been six years since my last serious relationship.

[Midtowner]

My theory has always been that you don't want to date someone that you see every day. The fact is that when you date people, sometimes things go wrong and feelings get hurt. You don't want to have to deal with the person that screwed you/you screwed and/or lied to every single day in a professional capacity, do you?

Unless you think that they are a candidate to be "the one", I don't think it's a great idea.

But they could be, and then it would be a good idea.

[mranderson]

I am somewhat up in the air about this.

I really have a rule against it, but have had cases in the past where I would make an exception. However, whenever I tried to do that, it backfired in one way or another.

About 15 or so years ago, I met a woman I worked with I liked a lot. I aksed her out several times, just to be told no each time without explanation. Before I knew it, I was called into the managers office and told I was accused of sexual harassment. I told the manager that asking a woman on a date was NOT sexual harassment, and argued the case. I also told them that if they wanted to pursue the accusation, they could, however, they would not like my counteraction. I never heard a word again. When I needed my personnel files, not one documentation was entered about that discussion. They knew I would have won that case.

So, I made it a strict rule not to date women with whom I work. I have only tried to break that rule once since that time. She said she had a strict rule against dating men with whom she works.

So, it is now a strict rule with me. Unless it is a relationship that started before the couple becomes employed at the same place, then, no. It causes too many problems.

[ErnieBall]

I agree with the previous comments. There is too much risk of having a bad work environment if the relationship goes bad, too much risk that it will go bad because you're around the other person all the time, too much risk of being accused of sexual harassment if things go bad, too much risk that if things go right one of you might have to leave your job (depending on company policy). Not worth it. Work is stressful enough without adding relationship stress on top of work stress.

[Ms.Relaxationstation]

In order for me to date someone like that I would have to be friends first anyway. But I kinda like the idea of it.....I've never had a relationship like that that went sour- but I guess I can see where it can happen. But I might would do it.

[windowphobe]

It is seldom wise to fish off the company pier.

Then again, where I work, the ones I think of as being worth considering have already been snapped up anyway.

[Leon]

Don't do it. If the relationship fails (and most do) it'd be like an eternal break-up until one of you moved on.

[Keith]

Don't do it. If the relationship fails (and most do) it'd be like an eternal break-up until one of you moved on.

You got that right. When I was a teenager, I worked at a grocery store. I went out on dates with many of the teenage girls that worked with me. I had many excellent dates, however, there were some that weren't so good. Of course, being a teenager in the 70's, sexual harrassment wasn't even a thought.

It became a big problem though, because I was assistant manager of the store, so I was there all the time. After school, I would go directly to work, and it was very awkward to go in and see one of the girls I dated, where things just didn't click. I was always getting dirty looks from them. Since I was pretty stable in my job and had no plans to look for other employment, I was always hoping THEY would look for another job. Selfish, huh?

Nope, dating someone you work with is a bad idea.

There are ladies that I work with right now that would cry sexual harrassment if I accidentally bumped into one of them. When you work for the government, a sexual harrassment charge will get you fired. I never take chances...I watch every step I take.

[asta2]

I think alot of people get interested in co-workers for the simple fact that they spend 75% of their time there. It's hard to go out and meet "other" people. They can relate to your lifestyle as well. It can sure go sour fast however. For me, I dated my boss right after I got my first job right out of college. We were very sneaky and it was frowned upon. However this June we will be married 13 yrs! You just never know.

[MadMonk]

I've never seen a coworker romantic relationship end up well. Its just not a good idea.

[kschopfer]

I aggree I think it is bad sense to date someone from work.
Humans are too faulable. People can't handle it. Often the
people dating can't handle it. Besides your purpose at work
should be to work. I'ts good to have friends, good collegues
and acquaintances at work.

Not to say you can't like someone or really want to date them.
Sometimes you wait long enough, you may change your mind as
you get to know someone more. You could talk your self out of
dating someone at work. Sometimes someone you work with
is not someone you would want in you personal life.

KAT

[windowphobe]

Work and home ought to be two (maybe three) separate entities: the more they overlap, the greater the potential for problems.

[jenncole]

I knew someone that was dating their boss and then the relationship went sour.

That lead to the employee starting to get called in by division managers and corporate meetings involving her conduct on the job. (cause her boss told corporate she was having intercourse with many employees in the breakrooms in the company's offices)

Her boss had no proof of this occurring. So, for the next 3 months she worked there, she was watched like a hawk by corporate officers. (everything from her breaks to corporate picnics, she was contantly followed)

In the end, she left the job and as a result had to take a huge pay cut. (from 100K to 50K)

dating in the workplace.... really a bad idea.

[Patrick]

I think if your coworker is in a different department, it's okay to date them. But, if you work with each other every day, I think that spells trouble. Simplly put, I think time apart helps strengthen a relationship. If you see each other 24/7 you're just not getting that time apart you need. Everyone needs their space.

By the way, what happens if the relationship goes sour? I'd hate for that to ruin your whole job.

[travich]

I can speak from personal experience.

IT IS A VERY, VERY BAD IDEA.

[Faith]

Not a good idea because you could very possibly end up being the gossip of the entire office. And be aware, people love adding more to the story than what is actually there.