The official joke thread

[Keith]

To Be 6 Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing
his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in
the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he
asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking
in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made
her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to
Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on
every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything
there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the
theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt
upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where
he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn,
a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a
fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile
and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like
being six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly changed.
"I meant my dress size, you idiot!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening,
he is gonna get it wrong.

[mranderson]

Things Not To Say To A Cop

1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

2. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

3. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Bad cop! No donut!

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

7. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

8. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. I pay your salary!

11. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

14. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 15. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

[Keith]

This young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas.

He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded
staring blankly at a bowl of chili.

After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young
cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't goin to eat that, mind if I do"?
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his
best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead".

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his
place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the
bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking
and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too".

[Curt]

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
She said "No"
And the guy lived happily ever after!!!

[ibda12u]

Computers in Movies
Author Unknown

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

3. Movie character never make typing mistakes.

4. All monitors display inch-high letters.

5. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain english.

[Keith]

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished? "The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed,


"Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box

[mranderson]

You Know you?re Addicted to the Internet when? (Updated)

You Know you?re Addicted to the Internet when?

- You kiss your girlfriend's home page.

- Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

- You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google.

- You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap.... and your kid in the overhead compartment.

- Your dreams are in HTML.

- You refer to going to the bathroom as ?downloading.?

- You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"

- You turn up the volume real loud when leaving the room so you can hear if anyone IM's you.

- All of your friends have @ in their names.

- Your dog has its own webpage.

- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

- You name your children Google, Friendster and Blogger

- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back. (OK ? We all have done this one)

- Your sweetie says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and network them together so that you can IM each other anytime.

- You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

- You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

- You rank your friends by the amount of bandwith they have.

- You order pizza online - because you can't be bothered to call. - You double click your TV remote.

[Ms.Relaxationstation]

Q. When do you know it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?



A. When the big hand is on the little hand. ARrrrghhhhhh
:surrender

[Keith]

Q. When do you know it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?



A. When the big hand is on the little hand. ARrrrghhhhhh
:surrender

, but not at Neverland...ever

[Keith]

The seeing eye dog

> A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the

> plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant

> explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to

> get off the aircraft, the plane would re- board in 50 minutes.

> Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. A man

> had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind

> because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front

> of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown

> this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling

> him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour.

> Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind man

> replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs.

> Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete

> standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane

> with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People

> scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying

> to change airlines! True story... Have a great day and remember...

> things aren't always as they appear!

[Keith]

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE (or PMS) does it take to

change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else

In This house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know

That the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS

Before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they

wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been

in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by

some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair

They dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN

THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT

BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!

IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE

THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY

TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET

PAPER ROLL !! . . .

I'm sorry. What was the question?

[Curt]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! You described women to a freakin tee.

[Keith]

The husband had just finished the book "Man of the House". He

stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want

you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is

law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when

I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a tasty dessert

afterward. Then, after dinner and dessert, you're going to

draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my

bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The funeral director."


Next.............................................. ..........................................


A visiting minister during the prayer:

"Dear Lord," he began , "Without you, we are but dust..."
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her
mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point.


And Finally........................................... ...............................



What is a Cat?

Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. :tweeted:
*****

What is a Dog?

Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in fur coats

[Keith]

Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples

[Keith]

Saving Her Butt
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament. The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"

"Well, yes," the doctor replied, "but never framed."

************************************************** **********

True Football Fan
Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".

I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."

"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.

He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."

************************************************** ***********
Nursing Home Chit Chat
At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.

"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."

[Keith]

THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Several men are in the locker room of a golfclub. A cellphone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the roomstops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, .go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005models I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ....The house we wanted lastyear is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer$900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him
in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[Keith]

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's.
He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup.
As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in
half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each
had half of them.

Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set
that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife
sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man
decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal
for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years,
and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she
replied, "Not yet. It's his turn with the teeth!"

************************************************** **************************
Exercising

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 now & we don't know where she is!

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven'tlost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what
I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he
would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who
annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

[Keith]

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum
cleaner.

" Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a
couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very
latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the
door and pushed wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at
least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of
orse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of
this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the
remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've
got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this
morning."

[Keith]

Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES.

-----------------

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.

-----------------

FREE PUPPIES. . . PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.

-----------------

GERMAN SHEPHERD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

-----------------

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT. . . BEEN OUT AWHILE. . . BETTER BE A REWARD.

-----------------

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE. . . ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

-----------------

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED. . . ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

-----------------

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY.

-----------------

HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT! "

-----------------

GEORGIA PEACHES, CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

-----------------

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.

-----------------

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

-----------------

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

-----------------

OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.

-----------------

AND THE BEST ONE. . .

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.

45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1, 000. 00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

[mranderson]

Some of the artists from the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us codgers. This is good news for those feeling a little older and missing those great old tunes.

Herman's Hermits: "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker"

The Bee Gees: "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"

Bobby Darin: "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash"

Ringo Starr: "I Get by with a Little Help from my Depends"

Roberta Flack: "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"

Johnny Nash: "I Can't See Clearly Now"

Paul Simon: "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"

Commodores: "Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom"

Marvin Gaye: "I Heard It through the Grape Nuts"

Procol Harem: "A Whiter Shade of Hair"

Leo Sayer: "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

The Temptations: "Papa's Got a Kidney Stone"

ABBA: "Denture Queen"

[Keith]

Lone Ranger and Tonto:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful Indian companion Tonto were in

the desert at night fall. After they set their tent up, both men fell

sound asleep. Some time later, Tonto woke the Lone Ranger and

said, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger pondered a few seconds and answered,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies,

and billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it tells me it is about three o'clock in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident that God is all-powerful and that we are

small and insignificant.
Meteo-rologically, it seem that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment. Then he said, "Kemo Sabe,

you dumber than buffalo dung. Someone stole our tent."

[Keith]

These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme
with the most romantic first line but the least romantic second line.


I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot.
This describes everything you're not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that bag from off your face.

I love your smile, your face, your eyes.
Dang, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

[MadMonk]

A brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"

She smiles and they start kissing. Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts "Pierre!! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!" Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.

Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously. "PIERRE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

[Keith]

TODAY'S Fast Forward: Things to Ponder

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool
who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to
use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these
terrorists --- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on
these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare
that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those
people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration...

[Keith]

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN



Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.





Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.





The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?





Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.





Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.





Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.





Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.





Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.





At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.








Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!