Do Women Need......?

[Leon]

OK......Another Leon poll......
I want to ask the women and men separately.....

Do women seek a man who takes some effort, on your part, to gain and keep his attention?
Or, do you ladies gravitate towards the 'sure thing'.....someone who appears to potentially dedicate himself to you?

[mranderson]

Actually, both answers (on the men's side) are the same. Just worded differently.

[Curt]

Actually, both answers (on the men's side) are the same. Just worded differently.

Unfortunately there is also some truth to this.

[Karried]

to quote a few possible truisms....

You always want what you can't have

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Everyone likes a challenge

If it's too good to be true, it probably is

[Jay]

I think the only way you can get hurt when first meeting someone is when you have too many expectations. In the very beginning you should focus on nothing more than having fun.

Do not approach dating someone as if its your last chance to pair up with someone. Instead have the attitude of if this works out great, if not I will find someone else.

Just relax and be paitient when you first meet someone. Show your date a good time and let fate run its course. If your are meant to be together it will work, if not than so be it. Life goes on to more exciting dating opportunities.

[Curt]

I think the only way you can get hurt when first meeting someone is when you have too many expectations. In the very beginning you should focus on nothing more than having fun.

Do not approach dating someone as if its your last chance to pair up with someone. Instead have the attitude of if this works out great, if not I will find someone else.

Just relax and be paitient when you first meet someone. Show your date a good time and let fate run its course. If your are meant to be together it will work, if not than so be it. Life goes on to more exciting dating opportunities.

It took me awhile, but I finally learned this is true. The last two summers I stressed out over two different women, this summer I stressed out over none and it was the best summer I have had in a long time.

[Curt]

to quote a few possible truisms....

You always want what you can't have

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Everyone likes a challenge

If it's too good to be true, it probably is

All of these are true it seems.

[Karried]

Here is an interesting way to think about it - I have heard of this before but I'm no psychologist so bear with me.

Remember many women don't have a high self esteem - they don't feel good about themselves. They have spent a lifetime comparing themselves to fashion models who are size 0. They may have just come out of a bad relationship and have no self esteem left if they ever had it at all.

They just might think in the back of their mind, something has to be wrong with this guy to fall so quickly for me - I'm so flawed, he must be a loser.... something along those lines. They think if you can't get anyone better than them, you must have problems yourself! Or if you have been single forever, that something is preventing you from being in a healthy relationship.

So, my feeling is Take is slow and easy .... don't talk about how you are so lonely the first date, no gory details about lost love, no deep therapy sessions over Braums... no diamond earrings for date 2, relax and make yourself think of dating as a blossoming friendship that might develop. Make yourself a little unreachable - who wants to date a guy/girl sitting home every night by the phone? It peaks interest when they call you and you are not always at their beck and call.

It takes everything in people to not call or leave messages - but it is crucial in keeping the other person interested... we've all been there - anticipating a phone call in a day or two, getting more and more anxious - that incredible sigh of relief when they do call making you realize how much you really wanted to talk to them in the first place. Just think if you take that away and call before they have had the chance to even start to miss you. Example - First date Her - " Bye, thanks for a lovely evening" .... You - "It was fun, I'll call you later" .... Five minutes later - You - " Hi, I'm in the car and thought of you, I had so much fun tonight, I can't wait to see you again, blah,blah,blah..." LOL,

Guys - make her miss you!!! Girls, the same thing.. I know it sounds like game playing but it's understanding human nature. It's like buying kids every toy they see when they want it.. you take away the joy of anticipation and the fun of something to look forward to.

It's the cycle of dating - it should develop naturally - don't rush it.

I've been there, you want something so badly you push for it and try to control it, and I've lost out on what might have been a good relationship by 'chasing' the guy and calling - I felt so stupid afterwards but I learned a valuable lesson, when you back away and let it happen, if it is to work, it will. The more you push - the farther they go.

Anyway, that's my opinion - retain some mystery and take it slow and easy.

[Curt]

Here is an interesting way to think about it - I have heard of this before but I'm no psychologist so bear with me.

Remember many women don't have a high self esteem - they don't feel good about themselves. They have spent a lifetime comparing themselves to fashion models who are size 0. They may have just come out of a bad relationship and have no self esteem left if they ever had it at all.

They just might think in the back of their mind, something has to be wrong with this guy to fall so quickly for me - I'm so flawed, he must be a loser.... something along those lines. They think if you can't get anyone better than them, you must have problems yourself! Or if you have been single forever, that something is preventing you from being in a healthy relationship.

So, my feeling is Take is slow and easy .... don't talk about how you are so lonely the first date, no gory details about lost love, no deep therapy sessions over Braums... no diamond earrings for date 2, relax and make yourself think of dating as a blossoming friendship that might develop. Make yourself a little unreachable - who wants to date a guy/girl sitting home every night by the phone? It peaks interest when they call you and you are not always at their beck and call.

It takes everything in people to not call or leave messages - but it is crucial in keeping the other person interested... we've all been there - anticipating a phone call in a day or two, getting more and more anxious - that incredible sigh of relief when they do call making you realize how much you really wanted to talk to them in the first place. Just think if you take that away and call before they have had the chance to even start to miss you. Example - First date Her - " Bye, thanks for a lovely evening" .... You - "It was fun, I'll call you later" .... Five minutes later - You - " Hi, I'm in the car and thought of you, I had so much fun tonight, I can't wait to see you again, blah,blah,blah..." LOL,

Guys - make her miss you!!! Girls, the same thing.. I know it sounds like game playing but it's understanding human nature. It's like buying kids every toy they see when they want it.. you take away the joy of anticipation and the fun of something to look forward to.

It's the cycle of dating - it should develop naturally - don't rush it.

I've been there, you want something so badly you push for it and try to control it, and I've lost out on what might have been a good relationship by 'chasing' the guy and calling - I felt so stupid afterwards but I learned a valuable lesson, when you back away and let it happen, if it is to work, it will. The more you push - the farther they go.

Anyway, that's my opinion - retain some mystery and take it slow and easy.

Karrie, once again these are good words of wisdom. Took me awhile to learn that trying to prove to someone how much you love them or miss them only drives them away. I am totally opposite of what I used to be, making myself less accesible, not calling the day after a date, rather waiting two or three days and then just saying hi, not asking for another date, just a call to see how her week went, or how her day went. After that I usually leave the ball in her court, if she wants to go out agian she'll call, if she does'nt I dont call back anymore.

[Jay]

I completely agree Karried. That is one angle I have never thought about (self esteem).

I have known for somtime that you need a little mystery and paitence to see things through.

I have never had a problem getting a date. My issue at that moment is the fact there is no one around me that pegs my love meter.

Most of the women I encounter these days are married or just to young for me. I am 30 and I am not about to chase the young girls around. I tried it a few years ago. There was just too much drama and not enough fun in the relationship.