No Church for 6 Years...then Comes a Baby

[ApplePearBerry]

As the title of this post states: I haven't gone to church for about 6 years. I believe in God and Jesus, but I just lost faith in churches for a long period of time.

Anyhow, one topic that my bf and I enjoy debating on is that one day we'll marry and have a child, and we'll want our child to grow on a religious foundation, and then when the child is mature enough, she/he may choose whichever religion/not to believe in. My bf finds it okay to choose a religion/church after the baby is born and join it once the baby is 2 years old - I'd rather have us join prior getting pregnant.

Has anyone done/thought about this too? What did you ended up doing? How did you feel when you joined it?

[PennyQuilts]

I think parents do a disservice to their kids to want them to have a religious foundation when they, themselves, aren't motivated. The idea that the child can make her own choice, later sounds high minded but amounts to lazy parenting, IMO.

If religion is important to you, live it and teach your child. She is free to walk away from it as an adult but will have had an authentic foundation built in her formative years to at least understand that spirtuality is important and has meaning.

But if it is not important to you, why go through that charade? If you are doing fine without religion/church, why do you think you need to go through the motions for a child? I think you will simply confuse your child by being such a hypocrite about it. If you want your child to have a religious foundation, get real about it. Otherwise, they will simply be confused.

A lot of parents take the high sounding road that they will let their child choose (as if they had any say, whatsoever when the child grows up). The fact is, it simply isn't important enough to them to teach their child. That comes through loud and clear, at best, and undermines a child's ability to have a religious faith, at worst.

If you think religious faith is important, walk the walk and not just talk about it. That you have not been involved in a church for six years tells me that you aren't interested in that sort of religion. So why force it on your child and set yourself up to be a hypocrite? That is a pretty good route to teach a child that it is all a sham. Alternatively, if you think religion is important enough to live it, but you just aren't a church goer, why don't you try to figure out what works for you as a family before you start experimenting on your baby?

So I guess in answer to your question, if I had to pick one of your choices, I'd say that if you want your child to go to church, you ought to be going, now. If it is not a big deal to you, don't go. If you think going to church is important to your child (but not to you!) start making changes before the little darling arrives so that you aren't turning religious faith into an empty exercise. I, personally, am not a church goer. But who knows, you may end up liking it if you find the right church. Or you might find some other way to worship that is genuine and gives your child the religious foundation you believe he should have.

My two cents.

[traxx]

As the title of this post states: I haven't gone to church for about 6 years. I believe in God and Jesus, but I just lost faith in churches for a long period of time.

Anyhow, one topic that my bf and I enjoy debating on is that one day we'll marry and have a child, and we'll want our child to grow on a religious foundation, and then when the child is mature enough, she/he may choose whichever religion/not to believe in. My bf finds it okay to choose a religion/church after the baby is born and join it once the baby is 2 years old - I'd rather have us join prior getting pregnant.

Has anyone done/thought about this too? What did you ended up doing? How did you feel when you joined it?

You shouldn't have faith in churches because they're made up of people and we'll always let you down even if we don't mean to. Have faith in God and Jesus. If you're looking for the perfect church, stop. It doesn't exist. But you can find one that fits you. Just because a church may fit a friend of yours doesn't mean it will be right for you. Just make sure that they are preaching the real word of God and that it's beliefs align with the Bible.

I agree with what East Coast said, if you're just doing it for the kids and it's not important to you, then the kids will see right through that. Start trying to find the right church for you now so that by the time the child arrives, you're not just going through the motions but it is actually important to you.

I go to church and have gone regularly for more than 20 years now. But I completely understand why people get turned off of church. Personality conflicts, don't like the pastor, holier than thou people etc. etc. Just realize that people are imperfect but church is about God and He is not imperfect. Just because you go to church with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you will or have to get along with them.

[willy_p19]

I view the religious indoctrination of children as a disgraceful mechanism that exploits the underdeveloped cognitive abilities of vulnerable children that one may convince them to accept religious doctrines without having to worry about the serious challenge of critical thinking. By prompting children to welcome their parent's religious concepts and doctrines without scrutiny, their perception of the world is dimmed and their ability to use critical thinking later in life is perverted. You should submerse yourself deep in introspection and formulate your reason(s) for not having attend church in the last six years and sincerely explore if you are willing to submit your newborn to the aforementioned cause(s).

You shouldn't have faith in churches because they're made up of people and we'll always let you down even if we don't mean to. Have faith in God and Jesus.

[PennyQuilts]

I view the religious indoctrination of children as a disgraceful mechanism that exploits the underdeveloped cognitive abilities of vulnerable children that one may convince them to accept religious doctrines without having to worry about the serious challenge of critical thinking. By prompting children to welcome their parent's religious concepts and doctrines without scrutiny, their perception of the world is dimmed and their ability to use critical thinking later in life is perverted. You should submerse yourself deep in introspection and formulate your reason(s) for not having attend church in the last six years and sincerely explore if you are willing to submit your newborn to the aforementioned cause(s).

Yeah, lots of us go through that introspective spiritual exercise when our parents raise us without religious instruction. Forgoing a religious instruction is a really good way to enhance our kids' critical thinking skills and inate spirituality.

Wait, didn't I miss a step or two there? Dang!! Seems like there ought to be more to it than that but that danged Sunday School perverted my ability to think! (hitting someone with a fish, no less!)

[USG '60]

I was reared by a Republican, Southern Baptist mom and a Socialist, atheist dad. They loved each other totally and I never even heard either of them raise their voices to the other until I was 18. I did a big doubletake on it at the time. Here is what they did for us kids. Mom took us to church just as all devoted and devout Baptists do until we were 5, 7 and 9 years old. At that time Mom would let Dad take us to a different kind of church on one Sunday per month, (the Jewish Temple was on Saturday, of course.) This went on for about 2 years or so as I remember. After each service Dad would tell us as best he knew about the basic tenets of the church we had just attended and then we discussed it further with Mom when we got home. Eventually we returned to attending the Baptist church and did so without duress until we were oldenough to drive and go where we each wanted to go. All three of us kids are in our 60s now. None of us have ever suffered from religious angst and are all well adjusted people who can discuss religion and quote scripture with just about anyone who is civil. We are grounded and happy. You might try that kind of plan.

As an interesting sidenote. When Dad died in '02 and I was going through all his "collected papers" (shall we say) I found a letter to him from Norman Thomas, the famous American socialist. It was obvious from the letter that Dad had expressed concern about how his 3 little kids might end up intellectually if they were left to Mom's rearing. Thomas told him out right that if his children inherited good intelligence it wouldn't matter. He said that Dad should let Mom take us to church all she wanted and that if we were capable we would out grow it. Sister still goes to church regularly; brother and I don't but our kids do and they are happy but undogmatic.