Question for the girls:

[oneforone]

My brother has the worst luck when it come to women. He has no problem meeting women and he can even hold down a reasonable conversation and sometimes even get a phone number. However, only one out of every 10 women he meets ever call him back.

The one that does usually does not want to go any farther then the first date. So my question is, Are some guys just not meant to find anyone? Is there some official black list or is there warning signs that some guys give off that keeps them from landing the girl.

I will take any advice at this point. I have done all I can do. I would like to help him out so he can find someone. Me and the girlfriend are tired of having him around as a third wheel. I am about ready to tell him off but at this time of year I feel guilty about even think about doing that. This time last year around the holidays he ended up being hospitalized for severe depression. The last thing I want to do is do something to trigger a relapse.

Any thoughts? Any thing I can tell him to do or not do?

[Oh GAWD the Smell!]

I'm not a girl...But being single for 35 years gives me a bit of experience...

Not to make light of it, but if he's the type to be eating pouty porridge on a date because he's depressed...They're going to run the opposite direction. Women can smell desperate from 23.8 miles away, upwind with one nostril plugged.

Not much you can do for his depression either, other than be there when he needs you. You aren't going to fix it. I've been dealing with this with my sister for years and years. I wish you the best with it.

If you want to go out without him...Just do it. Don't invite him, and if he invites himself, tell him that you need time with her alone. Make it about YOU...Not him. He won't like it, but the side of his depression that's a narcissistic personality disorder will take it as less of a slap in the face if he believes you.

That's just my take though, and I'll probably get yelled at for saying it. I'm no psy...phy...phsch....I'm no shrink.

Still...That'll be $0.05.

And send him to Match.com, OKCupid, and the like.

[PennyQuilts]

I echo that desperation is a horrible turn off. How old is your brother? Is he horribly burned or deformed? Does he have a steady job? Does he have defined interests? Does he live at home with his mother? Wear a large gold chain necklace? Is he a whiner? (Whining is the kiss of death). Is he a slacker? An obnoxious drunk? Does he dye his hair? Does he have a grusome mustache? Is he a cad who trashes his exes or other women? Does he call and call and call even when it is clear she is freaked out? Does he have a sex offender record? They publish that, you know.

You said he gets telephone numbers but only 1 of 10 call him back. To get that level of numbers, it sounds like he is asking numbers from just about every female he meets. Speaking for myself, I'd think that was kind of creepy. I don't even know that many people. Nor do I want to. Do you know any women to introduce him to or does your girlfriend starting waving you off in order to protect her friends? Your girlfriend probably is in the best position to give a candid appraisal of what is not working for your brother. Have you asked her?

My suggestion is that he get involved in something where he comes into contact with women who have common interests. After he gets to know them, he can take it to the next level if it seems right. That takes a lot longer but he isn't having much luck as it is.

Online stuff can be pretty successful if he wants to work the numbers. The prevaling wisdom is that volume is the way to go.

I already commented that it sounds like he is asking out everyone but if he isn't, is he hitting on a specific "type" of woman?

When I was single, someone asked me what sort of attributes I wanted in a dream man. I was half kidding but when I thought about it they were - in no particular order - honesty, kindness, intelligence, hard working, reliable, loyal, ETHICAL, loves dogs, self confidence, sense of humor. No way I wanted a "pretty boy." I got the perfect man, for me. I suggest your brother make a mental inventory of what qualities he thinks are important in a mate and then try to figure out what sort of qualities those woman would be drawn to. He can make adjustments, as needed. He is wants someone who is hot, witty, sexually adventuresome, on the career fast trak, owns her own car, isn't afraid to spend money on pedicures and massages, is willing to support him and bring him snacks while he screams at OU sports, he better be prepared for a heck of a lot of competition that probably won't slack off even after he gets her attention in the first place.

Of course, that is more advice for when he has narrowed his focus. I am aware that your brother is having a hard time getting a date in the first place.

[PennyQuilts]

Also, if he is taking medication, he needs to do it religiously. If he needs a checkup to make sure he has the right dosage, he needs to follow through. And if he is self medicating (drugs or alcohol) to combat the depression, he needs to stop.

Let me emphasize what I already said in my previous post: Whining is the kiss of death. Spending time with a whiny, angst ridden man is hell on earth. Most of my girlfriends agree that whiny men should be slapped or shot. The Marlboro Man would be unattractive if he was a whiner. Being the strong, silent type is vastly under rated.

[raw98682]

Biggest turn-ons for girls:
confidence
humor
goal-oriented/going somewhere
intelligence

When he is out, tell him to play it cool. Don’t try too hard for a chick’s attention. The most he should ever do is buy her a drink. Tell him to have just a hint of the ‘jerk’ attitude; by that I mean the “I don’t need you and I could do better” mentality. It drives women crazy.
Have him call Lex and Terry. They'll set him straight.

[kmf563]

Tell him to stop worrying about trying to find Miss Right and worry about being Mr. Right and let her find him.