This was posted on another message board that I visit. The board is for 20-something women.

Could you date/marry someone with wildly different beliefs than you? Say you are deeply religious and your partner is an Atheist?




***I'm kind of in the middle of a flame war over there right now, because a young woman posted something that I found to be very judgmental of Catholics, and when I stood up and said, hey, that's not cool, they're jumping all over me!


My experience:

I married someone with wildly different beliefs than my own. I am an Atheist, and he is a Catholic. Now, while he doesn't attend church very often (his problem is more time-related than anything with being a full-time employee AND a full-time law student) he holds his beliefs very near and dear to his heart. There are things he disagrees with the Roman Catholic Church; however, and really, that was just how he was raised. I call his church a "progressive" Catholic church, because they see todays issues and teach accordingly. They teach safe sex (they push abstinence when they can, but they aren't going to play dumb, either) they don't hound you about not using contraception, etc.

I have not been religious since high school. Some things happened in my life, while I was at the church, that changed my views forever. It's just not what I believe. Though I do respect those who are deeply religious and believe; I just don't agree.

When we were married, we were married in the Catholic church. The priest had no problems with the choices we had made in our lives. He knew I wasn't religious; he didn't care. He told me that I obviously understood that compromise was important in a marriage and it was very kind of me to have my wedding in the church though I wasn't religious. I told him that every other aspect of the wedding had been of my choosing ;) He thought I was funny.

Religion has never been a problem for our relationship. He doesn't try to change me, and I don't belittle him for his beliefs. You don't marry someone to change them; sometimes, we just have to accept people as they are, especially if we love them.



So when I see someone about my age who says they "lose respect" for someone who engages in pre-marital sex, especially Catholics; well, I get a little upset. Especially when this person isn't even religious herself, but a "mystic" or whatever she calls herself. Because she knows the Bible "says it's wrong" she's going to lose respect for people.

Because Catholics aren't allowed to make mistakes?

I was quite upset by this argument.

So what is your experience? I know we have a lot of differing views on religion here, but I don't remember ever having discussed it in the realm of relationships and marriage.

***I'm kind of in the middle of a flame war over there right now, because a young woman posted something that I found to be very judgmental of Catholics, and when I stood up and said, hey, that's not cool, they're jumping all over me!

There are things he disagrees with the Roman Catholic Church;

You don't marry someone to change them; sometimes, we just have to accept people as they are, especially if we love them.

Especially when this person isn't even religious herself, but a "mystic" or whatever she calls herself. Because she knows the Bible "says it's wrong" she's going to lose respect for people.

Because Catholics aren't allowed to make mistakes?



I'm going to try my best to stay within the confines of your post. As a Southern Baptist who once was Catholic, I agree with your position. It is my understanding that religion is our actions based on our beliefs. Disagreeing with tenants of church doctrine is only wrong if you "rub someones nose in it", because that is not keeping with the greatest command of the Christian Bilble, love. Catholics and Baptists make mistakes, errors, poor choices, etc. The biblical term for all of these is sin. While the Christian bible addresses marraige between non-believers and believers as wrong, there are two key points. First, the words in
1 Corinthians 7:10-16 and 2 Corinthians 6:14 are those of Paul, not Jesus. Secondly, Paul's beliefs are that such action is sin.
If so (and I agree) all sin is wrong before God. While that statement conflicts with Catholic doctrine, it is my belief.
I've sinned today by eating more at lunch than I knew I should, getting angry at another driver, and several others ways (and it's barely noon). My beliefs say I'm forgiven, and to strive to improve! I don't see where the "mystic" has any basis for her lack of respect. I know a little of what is in the Koran, some of the Book of Mormon, and the entire Torah. But I don't live by them.

In closing, flaming doesn't do much to promote rational discussion. "You're an absolute moron" will cause a much more emotional and irrational response than "I respect your opinion, but disagree."

I'm a lapsed Catholic married to a lapsed Baptist, and our dog is agnostic. I believe that the fundemental soundness of a relationship should be based on shared core values rather than dogmatic differences. As to throwing rocks at those who believe differently, I'm with Oasis. It violates the basic premise of Christianity, love. On a lighter note, I'm actually an agnostic dyslexic insomniac. I lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog...

haha

Nice to know I'm not alone on this...I just felt her responses to me, and to Catholics in general, were rude.

I was raised quite religious myself and my husband is the opposite. He really just, doesn't know what to think. He has never been to church and is a science guy, so he is more into Evolution and all of that stuff. The only problem I have with that is I use it as an excuse to not go to church. But that has nothing to do with him, I am just a poor follower. However, when I was young I always pictured myself having a really religious marriage, like the perfect family, really involved in church and all of that stuff. 7th Heaven-ish maybe.... except less dramatic, annoying, and ugly (hopefully). lol. I am pretty bad with the excuses part really. When I was younger I always tried really hard to go to church and keep God in my heart but at the same time I was wanting to party and just be a kid and I got pretty sick of having a guilty conscience. And also, some family members who I could not escape filled me with such anger as a teenager that I felt I couldnt stay with it, I was just too angry. Now I really have nothing to feel guilty about, and I'm further away from faith than I have ever been. But I guess, I want to drink ... that is what I feel guilty about, I know I'm going to go and do it again, so why ask for forgiveness? I just want to drink occasionally and live the college life, and not regret it. I dunno, I could go on for hours but I'm trying to stay somewhat close to topic here.

Not to go too off topic here but why do you feel guilty having a drink?

Jesus drank wine.

It doesn't say in the Bible that you should never drink. Of course, you don't want to go overboard.. like everything - moderation is the key.

"Is it okay for a Christian to drink alcohol? The Bible says, in Ephesians 5:18 "Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you." (NLT) (http://christianity.about.com/od/faqhelpdesk/p/newlivingtransl.htm)But Paul also tells Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:23, "Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses." (NIV) (http://christianity.about.com/od/faqhelpdesk/p/newinternationa.htm) And of course we know that Jesus' first miracle involved turning water into wine."

:cheersmf:

Beer was also very common in the middle east during the BCE/CE. Can't you see a bunch of fishermen sitting around having a cold one?

Ah my first religion post!

First, I would just like to announce that I am not Christian. In fact, by several rules and regulations, I am Jewish. Not particularly relgious, but I rise to defend my people (not commenting about Israel here, however) and get super touchy about any antisemitism or people getting on my case about religious matters having to do with my personal faith. Other than that, I respect most other "religions", one's that don't involve too much needless hate or anger.

I dated a professed "Catholic" (actually, he was "Assembly of God" or some Protestant derivative, he just wanted to be Catholic for some unknown reason). That's fine, I've got no problem with that, although I didn't understand his personal motivations (something about how he like the communions better and perhaps the idea of confessing, although he never did), he had faith in the basic tenants of the religion which are noble and preach love. I had no problem with it, our values did not conflict so we could suredly get over the "technicalities".

Until he began to evolve into someone who used his religion as some vehicle of self-righteousness and began to feel that if he couldn't convert me to come to the loving arms of Jesus that he has somehow failed in his God-inspired mission. He claimed it was the underlying drive provided by the Gospels, but deep down I think it was more in order to convince me he was right, and he needed validation for his beliefs. :boxing2:

Why I stayed with him a minute after our argument where he tried to convert me, I don't know, but that following year went very slowly and tears were shed until I finally realized that it just wasn't going to work, and this was not some bizarre phase.

Case and point: sometimes religion can be devisive if it involves power struggles through persuasion. If you cannot be satisifed until your partner shares the exact same meaning-of-life outlook as you, the relationship was not meant to be or one or both of you have a personality issue that violates a successful relationship. :fighting3