Osupa, women play more games because they know that whatever happens, they need only to set foot inside a nightclub to have another man. Men put more work into relationships than women do because they can never tell when the next one will come along.....next week, next month, next year....or longer.

Me, I'm going to remain single until I find another new best friend who happens to be female. Then I'll risk that friendship for a kiss. That means no serious dates with anyone right off the bat.
Amen my brother. No offense ladies, but you have no idea what we guys have to go through to get a woman, you women dont have to do a thing, just walk in a bar and you'll walk out with a guy, if you want to. Guys dont have it that easy.

It's a good thing too Mariner....we'd walk out with a different one each night and NEVER make a commitment

It's a good thing too Mariner....we'd walk out with a different one each night and NEVER make a commitment
Leon, I tried the commitment things before, the women did not want that. I just want the freinds with benefits thing for now with any woman.

I ain't much on Casanova Me and Romeo ain't never been friends.....

anyway...... I think the secret of dating is taking a light hearted approach. I know many guys that are just like the women you guys are speaking of (they seem to find romance with ease). The reason why is because thier not thinking of landing the girl thier dating as a significant other. They flirt and show their date a good time and move on if things do not appear to be progressing. If you know how to read people you can tell if someone likes you or not without saying a word.

You have to keep in mind you can't make someone love you. When you find out your feelings are not the same as thiers it's time to move on. All the wishing, hoping, preying, begging and pleading will not make them love you. It will just make them uncomfortable and possible hate you.

Stop taking this dating thing so seriously. Break out some charm, learn to flirt (don't be the touchy feely flirt) and change your outlook on life to the positive. You have to have the attitude of nothing will bring you down.

Leon:

That sounds good! I like the idea of best friends, and always said that I would marry my best guy friend. That's probably why I haven't had a serious relationship since the last time I did that (not "marry my best friend", but be friends for a long time before we dated)! I'm not all about "having" another man, especially one I find at a nightclub, but I have been too much in a hurry to have a relationship to be friends first. I'm working on that though! In fact, both this guy and I have backed off... and we are concentrating on the friends part of the relationsip. Don't give up; she's out there, right? There's lots of fish just swimming around waiting to be "hooked"!

I have a question... Is it true that if I'm looking for my "night in shining armor" then I'm going to be severly disappointed. Or, do you guys still believe in being someone's knight in shining armor?

I have a question... Is it true that if I'm looking for my "night in shining armor" then I'm going to be severly disappointed. Or, do you guys still believe in being someone's knight in shining armor?
I tried being the knight in shining armour to the last three women, did not work. They claimed I was being too clingy, so I wont try that again. From now on, they have to chase me. Look, I would give a woman the world on a silver platter, and they knew it, did'nt work. I am a good catch, their loss.

"You have to keep in mind you can't make someone love you. When you find out your feelings are not the same as thiers it's time to move on. All the wishing, hoping, preying, begging and pleading will not make them love you. It will just make them uncomfortable and possible hate you."

Granted. the above statement is true. However, the person you are dumping deserves to know a TRUTHFUL reason why you are dumping them. And none of this "I felt chemistry with him/her," or "I really don't know what it was." Yes you do. There is ALWAYS a reason. Plus, what is this "Chemistry" anyway. It does not exist.


If the person made some mistakes, like said things that turned you off, then tell them. If you wanted something from them they did not do or say, tell them. They may be one of the people that does not have as much dating experience as you, and may need to be taught what to expect.


Here is an example. I know a guy who spent more than ten years without a date due to having been told "no" so many times he got tired of hearing it, so he gave up. Then, he decided to try again. Things in the dating world had changed dramatically. He had never been told if his conduct was too passive or if he was saying things that turned women off. If he was, his intentions were wonderful, however, he did not know because none of them would tell him. They were affraid they would "hurt him." What they failed to think about was how much more it hurt not to be told why the women wanted to end it.

This same guy recently met a woman he thought was very close to perfect for him. They went out three times, then she blind sides him by avoiding him, making him think she wanted to continue to see him, then after he kept asking her enough times, she dumped him without expanation. He had another woman waiting, however, will he do the same things? He may. How will he know if he is doing things wrong? He will not.


The moral is simple. People. You are not only a person that interests the other. You are also a teacher. It is not the dumpee's responsibility to ask you if you want to continue to see them. It is YOUR responsibility to tell THEM. Talk to them about it. Maybe they do not realize they are doing or not doing something. Be truthful. Chances are it is not looks, but possibly you want hand holding and they are timid and do not know HOW to read your signal as to what you want. Maybe they said something that turned you off and they did not know it. Maybe it is just that you and the new person have more in common. Tell them and tell them what it is. Above all, do not lie. Tell them the truth. It will hurt anyway, however, it will hurt more if you do not tell them why... And do not do it on the internet, by mail, or by telephone. DO IT IN PERSON! In addition to my friend, it could be someone that had been married for many years and was divorced or widowed and has forgotten how to date.


You will have done that person a service and will have helped someone. I bet that would be a much better feeling than just dumping them with excuses or saying nothing at all.

Mr. Anderson, you are so right. I hate the lame excuses people give when they dump someone, like your friend, I am scared now to ever date another woman and let her know my feelings, so I cant let them show anymore. Women want a nice guy, a knight in shining armour, but when they get that, they **** on us, so no more.

Well, speaking from experience about the only serious relationship that I've ever had... I don't know that I would necessarily know a "knight in shining armor" if he rode up on a beautiful white horse! I learned alot of things in from that experience, so I hope that I will recognize a knight in shining armor (and in fact, I've noticed that some of my guy friends are noble knights... just not "my" knight) when he finally shows up! What I learned from dating him... and it was after the fact, mind you, was that the way he showed that he cared was not a way that I recognized. It's all about communication... and looking back, he showed me how much he cared in lots of ways, but I was always frustrated thinking that he didn't care, because he didn't show it the way I thought it was supposed to be. I know there's a book on it... something about love languages. I should probably invest in it, but I'm in school right now... so not much time. I guess my point is this... maybe you guys showed how much you cared in ways that she didn't recognize... and maybe, like me, she got frustrated thinking that you didn't care (or cared too much)... but she couldn't see the forest for the trees. And, she maybe didn't know how to express why she felt that way... I'm like that... I don't often know how to put into words how I feel.... my tounge gets all twisted and the only thing that ever comes out is frustration... and needless to say... I'm single! Haha! Oh well, I'm working on it! So, don't give up... your princess is out there! You've just got to slay the dragon first!

osupa, I understand what your saying that maybe my past few girlfriends thought I cared too much, and I have to admit I probably smotherd them with it, but I like to show my feelings, I guess I just go overboard, so as much as I have bitched about relationships, alot of my problems are my own fault. I' like you, when I get frustrated say the wrong things and end up losing someone. I know my princess is out there, so is your Knight, how do you know it is not maybe Leon, or me, haha. KIDDING, ok. I am too far away.

haha.. yeah.. who knows! But your princess will love to be smothered! So don't turn into a stone!

haha.. yeah.. who knows! But your princess will love to be smothered! So don't turn into a stone!
I wont turn into a stone, lol.

Where are you all?

As for myself Leon, I am near Detroit, Michigan. Cant speak for osupa, but she is a cutie :)

Cutie, huh?

Yes my friend, very cute.

Mr. Anderson:

I understand where your coming from. You feel if the person being dumped had a reasonable explanation it could increase thier chances of keeping the next person around for a relationship.

You have to keep in mind people are quirky. Sometimes people don't give the real reason out of fear thier own humiliation. Besides, if you ever did get the real reason for the break up. You would probably walk away laughing or completely confused.

The other downside of knowing the real reason is this. A person may tell you that your too nice. When actually that may be your best feature about your character. The next thing you know your three relationships down the road and you have accomplished nothing. The only thing you have learned is how to be a yesman. We all know yesmen are the most annoying people in the world.

I think dating is nothing more than a numbers game. Just like everything else in life. The more attempts you make at it the more you learn. All you have to do is observe your own behavior and you will learn what your doing wrong.

Cutie, huh?

what? You're doubting my cuteness??? Gee, thanks! I'm in the big city. for which this site was formed.. well, it's big to me!

Thanks Mariner! Maybe Leon will come around to your way of thinking soon ;~)!

what? You're doubting my cuteness??? Gee, thanks! I'm in the big city. for which this site was formed.. well, it's big to me!

Thanks Mariner! Maybe Leon will come around to your way of thinking soon ;~)!
Anytime osupa, hope you find that guy of your dreams soon ;)

"You have to keep in mind people are quirky. Sometimes people don't give the real reason out of fear thier own humiliation. Besides, if you ever did get the real reason for the break up. You would probably walk away laughing or completely confused."

I understand that COULD happen. However, what if it is a person who keeps saying or doing the same things over and over (or does not do or say) without realizing it. A habit can not be corrected if the person does not know about it. It often takes several people telling someone something before they get the message.

Yes. On occasion, the person may laugh or be confused. However, personally, I am willing to take that chance. I had a woman tell me one thime (after several dates), totally out of the blue that she prefered black men. I asked her why she never told me. Her reaction was " You never asked me." Of course I was confused. Why should a white man ask a white woman if she prefers black men? Same would go for a man of any race asking a woman of his own race about another race. Yes. To this day I am confused.

I do not rememeber anything that made me laugh, however, I have probably heard things that did.

My point is simple. I place a very high value on honesty. Most people might say "I don't want to hurt their feelings," as an act of compassion. On the surface it is. However, that act they think is out of compassion is usually something that not only hurts the other person, but can delay their search.

Do I always tell them the truth as to why I do not want to continue? No. However, it is quite rare when I have to find an excuse. If a woman is so ugly I get sick to my stomach seeing her face, then, no. I will find something. That has only happened once or twice on blind dates. I told them a friend had wanted us to meet and I only did because I did not want to spoil the friendship, and that I usually did not agree to these things. I am not about to tell a woman she would beat my rectum in an ugly contest. Or that she is so large she has to use the Pacific ocean for a bath tub. I WOULD however, tell a woman if she was too clingy or made me feel she wanted to go from the first meeting to the wedding chapel non stop. (hey. If she looked like Bo Dereck I might just follow her to that chapel). I might also tell her if our personalities did not match. I would find a reason why. I feel I owe a woman a truthful explination with rare exception. If she was too large or real ugly, I would tell the person who arrainged the date. If they were a true friend, they would accept it. Chances are they know it anyway.

The point is simple. If a person has a bad habit that turns off the opposite sex on a continuial basis, they need to be made aware of it by several people before they can work to correct it. Compassion is not always not hurting ones feelings. Your act of compassion may hurt more.

ahhh, there are many many people who have hearts of gold and would make 'beautiful' life partners even if they don't look like Bo Derek - maybe looking past their physical appearance might just surprise some people with a wonderful relationship.

As far as telling someone the honest truth, many won't purposely insult and offend a person by being brutally honest, if it's not there, it's not there -and just because something you did wasn't attractive to one person doesn't mean that the next one won't love that particular trait... as long as you are clean, smell good, have good teeth, are a good listener and a gentleman, how horribly wrong can you act?

Sometimes chemistry just isn't right between people, I would try to not take it personally and move on to your next relationship.

Mariner, careful my friend, you and I are part of a group I'll call Accomodating Men.....Men in that we like manly things...sports, violence, mechanical crap, do-it-yourself stuff, and beautiful secure women....accomodating in that we'll give in to our women to keep them happy, make them smile, GET SOME. Controlling women LOVE us....insecure women want security (naturally)...they often end up controling accomodating men to get it.

Ubder certain circumstances, you may be able to re-label "Accomodating Men" to "Insecure Men". The insecure man is willing to releinquish control to the women....problem is, secure women don't want control, insecure women do.

Brooks and Dunn:

Hello, heartache ache, who let you in?
Swore the last time, never again
Back together, just you and me
Where's your old friend, Mister Misery

I went and did it, I dropped my guard
I fell in and I fell apart
Now she's sayin' she's found someone new
How could I have been such a fool?

Oh, close the door, turn out the light, draw the curtain
I'll get over her in time, gonna take some hurtin'

Oh, I tell myself, "I told you so." as I fall apart
I can't blame love, but I'll never forgive my heart




Any two-steppin' ladies out there?????

[QUOTE=Leon]Mariner, careful my friend, you and I are part of a group I'll call Accomodating Men.....Men in that we like manly things...sports, violence, mechanical crap, do-it-yourself stuff, and beautiful secure women....accomodating in that we'll give in to our women to keep them happy, make them smile, GET SOME. Controlling women LOVE us....insecure women want security (naturally)...they often end up controling accomodating men to get it.

Ubder certain circumstances, you may be able to re-label "Accomodating Men" to "Insecure Men". The insecure man is willing to releinquish control to the women....problem is, secure women don't want control, insecure women do.[/QUOT

Amen, Leon. Brother, if I was closer, we'd need to go out and have a beer or three and talk to some ladies. Although I am bitter right now, I aint givin up. I have learned alot lately.

I just got back from "havin' a beer with the boys"... and was reading along... and wondering... Can "secure" women still want/need "security" in a relationship? I consider myself secure, in that I know who I am, and what direction I want my life to go... I still wonder every once in a while if "these make me look fat" (to which I want replied.. nope, but you sure make them look fat! haha!)... However, I still inately (spl?) long for, and sometimes crave the security that comes from being in a relationship. Maybe that's my problem... I need to learn to not want more security! Thanks... I think I just answered my own question...

New question.. Is there not an unspoken bar rule about dressing/drinking pretentiously? For example: If a girl (because I don't think this rule pertains to guys) chooses to dress pretentiously, should she not then choose to drink unpretentious drinks? And, vice versa, if she dresses a litle more lax, she can then pull off drinking fufu drinks the entire evening? I think that it's an unspoken rule, however, "the boys" just think I"m crazy!!!

I just got back from "havin' a beer with the boys"... and was reading along... and wondering... Can "secure" women still want/need "security" in a relationship? I consider myself secure, in that I know who I am, and what direction I want my life to go... I still wonder every once in a while if "these make me look fat" (to which I want replied.. nope, but you sure make them look fat! haha!)... However, I still inately (spl?) long for, and sometimes crave the security that comes from being in a relationship. Maybe that's my problem... I need to learn to not want more security! Thanks... I think I just answered my own question...

New question.. Is there not an unspoken bar rule about dressing/drinking pretentiously? For example: If a girl (because I don't think this rule pertains to guys) chooses to dress pretentiously, should she not then choose to drink unpretentious drinks? And, vice versa, if she dresses a litle more lax, she can then pull off drinking fufu drinks the entire evening? I think that it's an unspoken rule, however, "the boys" just think I"m crazy!!!
Hun, I think you did answer your own question there, dont depend on someone else to make you feel more secure, just be happy with yourself the way you are, and make changes if you are not..............wow...........did that make any sense at all? cuz if it did, I think I need to take my own advise. I am secure with myself, who I am, maybe not the best looking guy around, but not too bad. Women seem to like my eyes more than anything, I just tell them that is my second best feature ;). Anyway, nuff about me. Now to answer your question, drink what you feel like drinking, just because you might be wearing dress pants and a dress shirt doesnt mean you cant have a beer, and if your wearing a pair of torn jeans and a t-shirt (which I prefer), have a Pina' Colada, or whatever, just drink what you like.

The thought has never crossed my mind that a woman would choose a drink around the clothes she is wearing. Have what ya want.

Haha.. I only say that because I don't often dress slutty, and I don't drink beer... I'm really mainly a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl (unless the occasion specifically calls for something more) and I wish that I liked beer, but nope it's malibu sunrises and midsummernight's dreams for me... sooo, in my pretentious drinking habits, I tend to want to be a little more key and not dress so preteintiously! I know I'll only drink what I want, no matter what I'm wearing... I just thought it was kind of a fun rule... and I didn't know if any other females felt the same about drinking/dressing... Maybe it all comes back to that whole security thing!!! haha!

Haha.. I only say that because I don't often dress slutty, and I don't drink beer... I'm really mainly a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl (unless the occasion specifically calls for something more) and I wish that I liked beer, but nope it's malibu sunrises and midsummernight's dreams for me... sooo, in my pretentious drinking habits, I tend to want to be a little more key and not dress so preteintiously! I know I'll only drink what I want, no matter what I'm wearing... I just thought it was kind of a fun rule... and I didn't know if any other females felt the same about drinking/dressing... Maybe it all comes back to that whole security thing!!! haha!
No need to dress sluty hun, in fact, I am more turned on by a woman in jeans and a t shirt than anything. I have never heard of a malibu sunrise, but I do like tequila sunrises.

I know..but sometimes the occasion arises for a good slutty top... not that my definition of slutty top means baring it all... just showing a little extra skin... e.g. I love to dance, but I don't normally go dancing in a t-shirt and jeans... and of course it depends on what type of dancing i'm doing too..

It's so ironic, when you fall in love with someone you want to shout it out to the world (Tom Cruise) but if you're not Tom Cruise, I think most women would say 'oh please' tone it down would ya?' You have all these feelings and can't really express them because your significant other (SO) won't allow it - threatens them and scares them away. I think both Leon and Mariner are catches of a lifetime - and I know both of you will find your someone special. just remember, cool as a cucumber, play a little hard to get, no "I'm not worthy!" bowing allowed...ha,ha...

Osupa, T-shirt and jeans....that's as sexy as it gets....my favorite combo anyway.

Karried, thanks.
I intend to just hang out and do my own thing for a while....gotta find out what that is though first.

Might I suggest a fun round at the driving range! I just played "golf" for the first time yesterday... well, I learned how to swing a club.. and it was quite fun.. especially when I broke my club! It's such a rush to hit the ball hard and long... and the blisters and achey shoulder today... well, I'm still trying to decide if they are worth it! Haha...!

But, seriously, there are lots of things to do... If there's something that you have always wanted to learn how to do, but have never done it.. now's the time. Now, you have no commitments, no responsibility (as far as family goes)... so go jump out of that plane, learn how to tango (yeah... that's sexy!), or maybe just take your dog out to play frisbee. See, I'm talking myself into all the benefits of being single (and free!)! I know if I wasn't in school, I'd be the first person in line to learn how to ballroom dance! Find something... and turn into a passion!

I really need to

It's so ironic, when you fall in love with someone you want to shout it out to the world (Tom Cruise) but if you're not Tom Cruise, I think most women would say 'oh please' tone it down would ya?' You have all these feelings and can't really express them because your significant other (SO) won't allow it - threatens them and scares them away. I think both Leon and Mariner are catches of a lifetime - and I know both of you will find your someone special. just remember, cool as a cucumber, play a little hard to get, no "I'm not worthy!" bowing allowed...ha,ha...
That is the difference between Tom Cruise, or any of those famous guys chicks dig, and normal guys like Leon and myself, women would want everyone to know who they are with, just to maybe rub it in the faces of their friends, or other ladies, but your average guy is easy to find, so maybe the women dont need everyone to know. Another thing, the guys like Tom Cruise can get away with treating their women like crap if they want to and either keep them or find a new one the next day, and they know it, average guys like Leon and myself cant do that. Thanks Karrie for saying we are catches of a life time, I'll be happy being an average guy. I know what I have to offer someone, maybe not alot of money, but a whole lot of love and respect, if they like me for that good, if not, oh well, I am what I am.

Women do love the average guy. In fact if they aren't looking for the average guy they could find themselves in alot of trouble. The ones your referring to are major heart breakers. I'm looking for a man I can be myself and thinks I'm sexy. But men are no different their looking for a cute hot babe, so whats the difference. Man or woman u can usually spot a heart breaker in any sex. Don't have to look far. Thats the trick spoting the heart breakers and staying clear of them. Right.

Women do love the average guy. In fact if they aren't looking for the average guy they could find themselves in alot of trouble. The ones your referring to are major heart breakers. I'm looking for a man I can be myself and thinks I'm sexy. But men are no different their looking for a cute hot babe, so whats the difference. Man or woman u can usually spot a heart breaker in any sex. Don't have to look far. Thats the trick spoting the heart breakers and staying clear of them. Right.
Very well put. I can spot a guy a mile away that will treat a woman like a peice of meat, those guys are just a peice of **** themselves and ruin it for the good guys. I have tried telling female friends about guys, they dont listen, and I am usually right, just because of the fact I work in shops with guys and know how they think about women, and most guys think a woman is good for sex only. They brag about who they tagged last night and who they are going to tag tonight. My buddy has been crying the blues to me because the girl he dumped three times now is seeing other guys, and he does not like it and wants her back, she told me that she will have to think about that with him. Then get this, he works a carnival, he is a police officer, then calls me up to tell me about this chkcky he met, see what I mean about guys? those ruin it for us honest and faithful guys.

Well as we know it goes both ways men treating women bad and women treating men bad. The last man I dated treated me like gold and I him. Too bad things go south. I appreciated all the time we spent together, because it was few and far between. He really knew how to treat a women. There are few men I've seen that truely do. But hey women you need to show your appreciation, when they treat you good. I vowed after we broke up, if I find another like him, I'm holding on to him.

Yeah, the more I think about it, Tom Cruise was a dirtbag when he left Nicole and his kids for Penelope ....now, he's acting like a lovesick fool. I'd much rather be with an average guy who has respect and honors commitment and family - and I agree with above poster who says to go out and experience new fun things that you always wanted to do, in the meantime, you just might meet some new friends and someone special...

Tom cruise is just one of them, I am not jealous in anyway, but I cant stand guys that think they are sssooo special that they can have any woman they want at the snap of their fingers, problem is so many women fall for them they get away with it.

There are alot of Tom Cruises in the world. Just got to spot em. There are also
alot of Angelina Jolies. Don't contribute to the movies they are in, its a rackett.

Love hurts. Love is vicious. It has hurt me tremendously. I have never had feelings so deep as for the one I do now. I have never hurt so deeply. My soul hurts.

May I build a wall around my heart and never allow another woman to enter. May I learn to have sex without any emotion. May I turn and walk away with haste at the first sign of elevated feelings. May I end any relationship immediately that day if I wake in the morning with a woman on my mind...."Let's just be friends." May I protect myself. May I never again allow myself to be vulnerable. May a woman never touch my heart again.

As of tonight, to love, my heart is the coldest cold and the blackest black and harder than steel.

Mariner, you mentioned Tom Cruise and his ability to turn away one woman knowing confidently that he'll have another the next day....Brother, nearly every woman on the globe can do that very same thing with men. Cheer him on....he's doing what the average woman does to the average Joe millions of times a day. My friend, think about it....he's behaving just like a woman. They may not get their pick of movie stars but it's entirely up to them whether they go home alone or not, it's up to them whether they'll be phoned the next day. If a woman looks half-way decent, she wont go to Wal-Mart without meeting someone. I'll bet ya, A good looking woman in OKC turns down more men on an average day than Tom Cruise does women.

Mariner, Can I ask if maybe you came from a broken home or lived with a single mother.....I did. I have a son now, I intend to teach him about women. God knows I wont run out of examples to point to.

Fellas, keep this in mind.....women will drop you without warning, without explanation, and without mercy..........when they see fit.

Step into a relationship with extreme prejudice and extreme caution....and most importantly, a few steps behind the woman. Never, ever allow yourself to be in a position that you can be hurt more than them....or even as much as them.

I believe Def Leppard said it best, "LOVE BITES."

Man I have sooo been in the same boat on this one. But lets face the truth. We all have that one need in our life- TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED. Sure it hurts, but why would we purposely say we will never do it again? The chance of missing out on a love of a lifetime is something I would not want to miss. Think of it this way, when the bad situations happen and we get dumped and our heart torn to shreds, its a good weightloss oppurtunity. Never, never, never say "never" to loving again. Life is too short and "it's is better to loved and lost then to never have loved at all."

Leon, instead of answering just one thing at a time, pretty much everything you said up there I agree with. I still think Tom Cruise is an ass though. As far as me growing up in a broken home, yes I did, but what happend, my mom cheated on my dad, got pregnant, had a miscarriage, then while out one night with one of her friends at a bar, a fight broke out and she was shot and killed, along with a sheriff deputy, who was off duty. That was in '73, long time ago, I was 11 at the time. Anyway, I love women alot, but am scared to death of them now.

Mariner, I hope I didn't resurrect any old hurt for you.

Alrighty Mr. Leon... it sounds like you've had it rough. I mean, I've been in love and had my heart broken, but along the way things got better, and now, he's one of my best friends. I hope that when "the one" comes along you will let her in and let her love you... and love her in return. I guess it's hard being that vulnerable with somebody... learning to trust that much. I wish I could do open heart surgery on ya.. go in there and mend the broken parts... Just remember... time heals all and love stands the test of time!

O.K. enough mushy... I'm gonna go get some grub!

I have to agree w/ Osupa, Leon needs open heart surgery. I've been hurt too. But being bitter for awhile gets you no where. I haven't pitched in my two sense worth cause. I can be harsh at times. Don't want to preach or pick on anyone But I know how he feels. My heart has been broken (I thought), beyond repair. Time does heal, and we do move on. Another replacement is not the answer either. I've notice men have a tendancy towards that or should I be safe to say people do.
Bad idea. You can always love that person, we go on. Maybe we'll will never forget. But we canot carry it around w/ us. God puts it in our heart to love again. This I truely know. Leon prayer, hope and determination will heal it. Humans a faulable. So, Man is not to be trusted. when I say man I mean humans. Take care of your heart, you might want to use it again. huh?

Mariner, I hope I didn't resurrect any old hurt for you.
Not at all Leon, but thanks for your concern. That was along time ago.

Osupa, Kschop....I hope it happens again too, actually. It's taking me a bit longer to pick myself up this time. I had envisioned her ederly face next to my death bed. I had prayed that I'd die before her because I knew life wouldn't be worth living without her, yet here I am. This is the most intense hurt I have ever known and it has barely subsided during the last two weeks or so. I guess the hurt will leave in the coming weeks. I'll need help later fhljgh to not compare the next one to her. I'll need help to not compare before opening up. In my lifetime though, she has been the ONLY one I gave my deepest thoughts to who has not later used them against me or humiliated me with them. To her credit, she still has not. A good thing, it was not a bitter ending. She was the best qualities of my best friend, my lover, my sister, my mother....all rolled into one. I do not hate her, I still love her, I will not stand in her way, I will support her in whatever she decides is best for her, even in separating. Her well-being comes first. Like I said, I do not hate her....I'm angry at myself for ever loving that much, hence last night's email.

You can't let rejection rule your life. You have to live life as if you may or may not get see tomorrow. I'm not saying fear tomorrow, I'm saying get out there and enjoy your life.

If a store told you they didn't carry an item in your size would you leave depressed? Would you act like it was the end the world? No, of course you would not. You would look at other stores until you found that item you wanted. Love is the same way if you do not seek it. It will not find you.

Honestly, do you want to spend forever alone. No, no one does. I think what you need to do when you feel like you want to give up is this. Get out there, take on some new interests. Try some things that will make you a more interesting person. There is so much to do in this world.

Stop throwing yourself a pity party and live your life. Pity parties eventually lead to a table for one.

Breakups can be as severe as losing someone to death. They can be crippling and emotionally draining. If people need to cry and grieve and talk about it, then I think we should be supportive and try to offer some advice and shared experiences to help them move on. ( I agree with everything else you mentioned, just not the pity party part ).

I think everyone needs to have some time to heal.... it is obvious that these are some fresh wounds and need some time to heal. If you don't grieve over a loss, it can come back to haunt you and affect future relationships.

These people who just went through heartbreak will be fine in just a short while, but in the meantime, I hope we can support them now and help them know that we all have gone through it and came out alive and kicking and better for the experience.

Thanks, Kerrie. You're both right on.
Realistically, in the coming months, the right face will smile at me and I'll try again. See, I'm fine right now...just got off work but later this evening, when I reach the time I'm accustomed to giving to her, I'll hurt and resent.

I guess that's where the rebound, get-back-in-the-game stuff comes into play. That face will come and I'll give that time to that person.

I just sent her an ultimatem......kill it or nurture it.....by Tuesday evening......I'll die if she leaves it dangling.

I just sent her an ultimatem......kill it or nurture it.....by Tuesday evening......I'll die if she leaves it dangling.
That was the right thing to do Leon, you need an answer now. I know your stomach is in knots right now.

Sounds to me like it's not what you guys are doing but more like the type of women they were. Doesn't sound to me like these women have a lot of self worth; they need people or things to help boost them up. It's as though they are hooked on drugs, the more you gave them, (emotionally), the more they needed. It's like a high.... the feeling of being needed, loved, and admired. With people like that (and not just with women), you can't win. They always need more and then it gets to a point that getting a "fix" from their partner isn't enough, so they seek it elsewhere. I feel that any relationship you have, good or bad you learn something so take what you learned to the next relationship. As far as not believing you can have another great relationship, that's just crazy. You cannot allow someone else’s insecurities to rob you of loving again, we all want to love and be loved and that only happens with an open heart. These women have already robbed you guys of one love DO NOT allow them to succeed in robbing you of future love. I know I don't know anyone here and I do tend to ramble on and on but I do know about being hurt and I refuse to allow anyone to take my future away from me, and my future has love all in it.

Soypreciosa, good words of advise and encouragement, thank you.

Soypreciosa - Great Advice! I understand exactly what you are saying about the " high" they may get and somewhat get addicted to that feeling. That they continue to want more and more even if what they had was great to begin with. Seems to me as if these type of people ( men or women) are to selfish to be in a serious relationship in the first place.