Stan Silliman
02-02-2012, 09:30 AM
Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
DRAGON GIRL MARA GIVES GIANTS EDGE
“The Giants will win the Super Bowl. Rooney Mara will assure that.”
It’s former neighbor, Lyle, this time prodding me to bet the house on the New York Giants because the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo will make it happen.
“Did you see the movie, Silliman?” Lyle asks me. (Which, as it happens, I did.) “She’s the secret weapon. Nominated for the Academy Award, rides a mean motor cycle, she can hack into the Patriots computer, steal all their plays and all their money. They’ll be so flustered, they’ll forget about playing football.”
What have you been smoking. She’s just an actress.
“From two football families, Silliman, the Maras (Giants) and the Rooneys (Pittsburg Steelers), the two biggest foes of the Pats,” says Lyle. “When she breaks into the Pats mainframe, Belichick will be getting a dose of his own rotten medicine.”
She can’t do that, Lyle, you’re confusing her with her movie character.
“She can. I saw the Dragon Tattoo girl do wiring in the movie. You don’t plant a bug like that without some knowhow. She’s the goods, Silli, and besides…”
I bite. “Beside what,” I ask.
“It’s the year of the dragon, stupid,” Lyle winks. “If the actress with a dragon tattoo wants her dad’s and her uncle’s team to win and a billion people in China land decide to name their year after her tattoo, then it’s going to happen. Besides…”
“Besides what,” I ask, biting a second time.
“New Yorrrrk,” Lyle drawls, “has a bigger Chinatown than Boston.”
Oh, geez, so many signs pointing to a Giant victory. I need to take out a second mortgage. The game will be played in Lucas Stadium which means Eli can go hangout with his brother and get all the insights on how to game plan in this stadium. Also, the Chinese New Year factor has to favor the team with the most descendants wearing dragon like tattoos in a movie. Sure.
Then Patriots coach Bill Belichick has to be shaking in his cleats fearing a computer savvy Mara hijacking all his strategies. Sure. Then he’ll worry about karma slapping him in his video-spy-taping face. Something like just when the Pats mount a drive, a big paper dragon comes floating in to tangle itself up in Wes Welker’s little shoes. Sure, that will happen in a dome stadium.
Finally, Jesus gets in the act to make the Pats repeatedly jump off sides, paying them back for mistreating Tebow. Sure. It’s ordained. A motor cycle riding Rooney Mara will buzz the Pats bus on their way from the hotel to the stadium. To make them even more shook, especially after their computers crash and radio contact is disrupted between the booth and the field. Then we see Belichick chucking his headphones because it’s full of Chinese parade music. Sure, good thing I got an under 4% rate on my second.
By Stan Silliman
DRAGON GIRL MARA GIVES GIANTS EDGE
“The Giants will win the Super Bowl. Rooney Mara will assure that.”
It’s former neighbor, Lyle, this time prodding me to bet the house on the New York Giants because the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo will make it happen.
“Did you see the movie, Silliman?” Lyle asks me. (Which, as it happens, I did.) “She’s the secret weapon. Nominated for the Academy Award, rides a mean motor cycle, she can hack into the Patriots computer, steal all their plays and all their money. They’ll be so flustered, they’ll forget about playing football.”
What have you been smoking. She’s just an actress.
“From two football families, Silliman, the Maras (Giants) and the Rooneys (Pittsburg Steelers), the two biggest foes of the Pats,” says Lyle. “When she breaks into the Pats mainframe, Belichick will be getting a dose of his own rotten medicine.”
She can’t do that, Lyle, you’re confusing her with her movie character.
“She can. I saw the Dragon Tattoo girl do wiring in the movie. You don’t plant a bug like that without some knowhow. She’s the goods, Silli, and besides…”
I bite. “Beside what,” I ask.
“It’s the year of the dragon, stupid,” Lyle winks. “If the actress with a dragon tattoo wants her dad’s and her uncle’s team to win and a billion people in China land decide to name their year after her tattoo, then it’s going to happen. Besides…”
“Besides what,” I ask, biting a second time.
“New Yorrrrk,” Lyle drawls, “has a bigger Chinatown than Boston.”
Oh, geez, so many signs pointing to a Giant victory. I need to take out a second mortgage. The game will be played in Lucas Stadium which means Eli can go hangout with his brother and get all the insights on how to game plan in this stadium. Also, the Chinese New Year factor has to favor the team with the most descendants wearing dragon like tattoos in a movie. Sure.
Then Patriots coach Bill Belichick has to be shaking in his cleats fearing a computer savvy Mara hijacking all his strategies. Sure. Then he’ll worry about karma slapping him in his video-spy-taping face. Something like just when the Pats mount a drive, a big paper dragon comes floating in to tangle itself up in Wes Welker’s little shoes. Sure, that will happen in a dome stadium.
Finally, Jesus gets in the act to make the Pats repeatedly jump off sides, paying them back for mistreating Tebow. Sure. It’s ordained. A motor cycle riding Rooney Mara will buzz the Pats bus on their way from the hotel to the stadium. To make them even more shook, especially after their computers crash and radio contact is disrupted between the booth and the field. Then we see Belichick chucking his headphones because it’s full of Chinese parade music. Sure, good thing I got an under 4% rate on my second.